Male and Female Guys

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, this is Emma Stone calling from Indianapolis, Indiana.

Hi, Emma. Welcome to the program.

Hi, Emma.

Hi, thanks.

My question today is, whenever I’m out to eat with my granny, it doesn’t matter who we’re with, if we’re with my dad or my brothers. When we’re with a whole group and the waitress or waiter says, how are you guys doing, she gets really upset and she says, take another look, or she says she won’t respond to that, and she is hoping for them to address her in a different way.

And for the past few years, I’ve always had this argument that in Spanish, if there’s a group of like 100 girls but one guy, they use the masculine plural form. And so my argument is that I understand it’s a sexist language, but it’s just what everyone uses.

And so you guys have arguments about this, you and your grandmother?

Yes.

Well, Emma, this is a dilemma. The difficulty here is this. Looking to another language for rules of your own language is not necessarily going to get you anywhere good. So the Spanish argument is interesting, and clearly you’re learned in that area, but it doesn’t really apply here.

But let me suggest, and Martha, I think you know what I’m going to say. Let us suggest another tact. The next time it happens, why don’t you just say, right on, Grandma. You tell them. Why don’t you just back her play? Just stick up for her. Say, excuse me, waitress or waiter, whatever your name is. Hello, we’re female. How about you say gentlemen and ladies or you guys and gals or you all. See what happens. I bet your grandma will be shocked and pleased that you’re just supporting her and taking her side. What do you think about that?

She’s 82.

She’s 82.

Let her have it. Let her have the argument and the rant. Just let her win.

So you don’t think that’s such a good idea?

Well, I always think I’m right.

Yeah.

Well, that’s another thing you could tell her. You should say, Granny, you know what? I got my hard head from you.

Oh, that’s kind of nice.

You haven’t changed my mind at all. I can see your point of view, but you haven’t changed my mind at all. So two hard-headed ladies here arguing about the same thing. Let’s just have another dessert.

Yeah, okay.

I like that one better.

Do you?

Okay, there we go.

Do you?

Well, and here’s a third option. Is moving to the south a possibility?

Well, we’re going to visit Alabama this weekend.

Oh, well, maybe you could just, you know, look for a place to live there, and then everybody will say, how are y’all doing? And it won’t make a difference.

Yeah, I mean, when we’re at restaurants, she’ll say that she prefers that over guys.

Oh, does she now?

That’s good. That’s good. That’s interesting. I mean, I understand where she’s coming from. If it doesn’t matter, then why shouldn’t the waitress come up to a table full of men and address them as you gals, right? I mean, that’s where she’s coming from. I understand that.

Well, Emma, good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Yeah, do send us an email and let us know what your grandmother says when you try one of these other approaches.

Yeah, just shake things up a little bit and see what happens and let us know, okay?

All right.

Thank you.

Okay.

Thank you for calling. Take care of yourself, Emma.

You too.

Bye-bye.

Well, if you have a dispute in your family, we’d love to hear about it. If it has to do with language, give us a call, 1-877-929-9673, or send those emails to words@waywordradio.org.