Insegrevious Paratereseomaniacs

You’re listening to A Way with Words.

I’m Grant Barrett.

And I’m Martha Barnette.

And Grant, you know, they announced the Ig Nobel Prizes recently.

Did I win?

Not this year, but I think you’re a strong contender for next year.

As you know, they’re a spoof of the Nobel Prizes, and they’re given out by the editors of a science humor magazine called The Animals of Improbable Research.

And these guys honor academic and scientific research that first makes you laugh and then makes you think.

And I have a report on this year’s Ig Nobel Prize for Linguistics.

And no, you didn’t get it.

It went to researchers at Barcelona University who proved that rats cannot tell the difference between a person speaking Japanese backwards and a person speaking Dutch backwards.

What are they going to do with that?

I don’t know.

I guess somebody has to research this stuff.

And get this, the Ig Nobel Award for Literature went to one Glenda Brown.

Now, she’s a librarian and professional indexer in Australia.

And Glenda was awarded the Ig Nobel for her scholarly article on the difficulties of indexing the word “the.”

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

In this scholarly article that she wrote, she asked the question, “How should we index ‘the who’ or ‘the hag’ or ‘the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe?'”

That’s more interesting to me than it probably ought to be.

I was afraid of that.

And you’ll be interested in this too, Grant.

Her article appeared in a publication called The Indexer.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That sounds familiar.

Yeah, so when you go looking for it, I don’t know if you should look under indexer, the, or the indexer, but I’m sure you will.

Well, later on today, we’re going to be telling you about more Ig Nobel Prizes.

And you can find a link to this year’s winners on our own website, that’s waywordradio.org.

Well, if you have a question about little words, big words, or medium-sized words, give us a call.

The number is 1-877-929-9673.

That’s 1-877-929-W-O-R-D.

Or email us.

The address is words@waywordradio.org.

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, my name is Suzette.

I’m calling from Lakeside area of San Diego, California.

Hello, Suzette.

How are you?

I’m doing well.

Well, you have a question for us today?

I sure do.

Well, my mother has always used all these words, and a couple of them have been, like, turkey tail or snatchy bald-headed.

Now, wait a minute, turkey tail.

We’ve talked about snatchy bald-headed.

So maybe I’m going to snatchy bald-headed.

I remember that.

But Suzette, what’s a turkey tail?

Well, if you would just call, like, you would call my son a turkey tail.

Hey, come here, you little turkey tail.

I love that.

I’ve never heard that.

Have you, Grant?

I’ve never heard that.

Nice.

He’s from Texas.

Oh, okay.

Well, that explains a lot of weird behavior.

But is that what you’re calling about today, turkey tail?

No.

The word that I’m calling about is bread and butter, and it’s puzzled me all my growing years, and my siblings also.

It’s a game my mother used to play with us, a somewhat of a game, but when we’d be walking side by side and say, like, a telephone pole would part our path and we would come back together, she would tap me on the shoulder and say “bread and butter.”

And I would go along with it, and I’d ask, “Mom, what does bread and butter mean?”

And she’d say, “Well, it just sticks together. We stick together like bread and butter.”

Very nice.

So I was just wondering if that’s just something that, you know, that she made up.

I’ve heard one other person, an older person, say, “Yeah, I know about bread and butter, but I don’t.”

And they were- Can I be so indiscreet as to ask how old your mother is?

My mother is 78 years old, and she grew up in Texas.

You know, Suzette, this is so interesting because my first exposure to the phrase “bread and butter” used in exactly that way was in an old Looney Tunes cartoon.

I don’t know if you ever saw this one or, Grant, if you did, but I remember from my childhood there was this cartoon where these two tigers were pacing in a cage, going back and forth, back and forth.

And every time they went around this pole in the middle of the cage, they said, “Bread and butter, bread and butter, bread and butter.”

Only I didn’t understand it for the longest time, and I thought they were saying, “Grandmother, grandmother, grandmother.”

And I just thought that was the weirdest thing.

I think it traumatized me at an early age.

But then later I heard somebody say “bread and butter” when I was walking down the sidewalk with them.

And I think you’re right.

I think your mother is not pulling your leg here.

She’s not treating you like a turkey tail.

I think she’s exactly right that it’s the whole idea of the two of you being as inseparable as bread and butter once they’re stuck together.

That’s a really nice expression.

I like those.

I like those that reminds me of needles and pins.

Yeah, that’s another.

It’s similar.

Like, when I was a kid, if two people said the same thing at the same time accidentally…

Jinx.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Well, you say, “Jinx, you owe me a Coke.”

Jinx.

Yeah.

And you could seal the deal by doing hooking pinkies.

So you think it might be like a superstition thing, like, “So she tapped me first and so she said it first,” or…?

It could just be a game without having any larger meaning.

Yeah, my mother was very playful with her words sometimes.

Fantastic.

Well, Suzette, this was a great call.

And thank you for bringing this to my…

I didn’t know the expression “bread and butter.”

This is really cool.

Yeah, I do it with my children all the time.

They look at me like, “Stranger, what are you talking about?”

Yeah, but they’ll do it with your grandchildren, won’t they?

Oh, I hope so.

Aw.

Well, Suzette, thank you for your call.

Well, thank you.

I love the show.

Oh, yay.

Thanks a lot.

Bye-bye.

Okay, bye-bye.

You know, Grant, I was thinking about expressions in different languages to describe people who are inseparable, like a couple.

And there are a couple that I really love in Spanish.

There’s one that translates as, “There’s inseparable as a fingernail in the dirt under it.”

And then my other favorite one from Argentinian Spanish is, “There’s inseparable as butt and underwear.”

Isn’t that sweet?

That’s so romantic.

Those two are as inseparable as butt and underwear.

If you have old family sayings or colloquial expressions or dialect terms that you’d like to hear, give us a call at 1-877-929-9673 or email us at words@waywordradio.org.

Hello.

You have A Way with Words.

Hello, Martha.

This is Bob from Hartland, Wisconsin.

Hiya, Bob.

Welcome.

Hi Bob, it’s Grant.

Hi, Grant.

Nice to talk with you.

So what’s up, Bob?

Well, my business partner and I were sitting around our hotel room one night and we were looking at our website and we started talking about the word “website” and whether or not it was one word or two words.

I had said that “web” was an adjective that describes the noun “site” and I thought it was one word.

And so we started looking it up on the Internet and we found that half the dictionaries had it as one word, the other half had it as two separate words.

And so we thought, well, maybe we would write to you guys and try and find out when does a word become a compound word.

Which side are you on?

I’m on the side that it’s a compound word now because it’s so commonly used and the adjective and noun have been combined now into just one noun, “website.”

Well, now, do you have Dave there?

Can he speak for himself?

Yes, I’m here.

My name is Dave and I’m in Ojai, California.

I think “website” is two words with a capital “W” and I was told this by an old friend of mine who’s a long-time copy editor who swears by AP style, the Bible of newspaper style, and he said that “web” is short for World Wide Web, which is a proper noun, and so “web” would be capitalized in this instance and it would be two words, “website.”

Likewise, “webpage” in AP style, the “W” is capitalized and they’re two words.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

I think we’re going to pair off here.

And Bob, I’m going with you and Grant…

Dave, you sound like a brilliant man.

Here’s the argument.

Here’s Grant’s argument.

Here are the facts and everything else is just like frippery and foolishness, but here are the facts.

The thing is, actually “web” in “website” is a noun acting attributively, so it’s not really an adjective though, it’s acting a little bit like an adjective.

And my logic actually is a little different than yours where you say, we don’t make “webpage” one word, which we don’t.

Nobody does and actually gets away with it.

I do.

You’re saying that “website” should be two words.

Absolutely.

No, no.

Capitalized up here or not?

“Webpage” is two words.

Oh, come on.

“FTPsite” is two words.

“Go4site” is two words.

Bob, help me out.

Well, I got an email from you that has the word “newsletter” in it, and how is that any different from “website”?

How is that any different from “website,” Grant?

Because “web” is a proper name.

Because “website” is a word that’s fewer than 25 years old.

But Grant, you of all people…

Newsletters had ages to ages to ages to change.

This word was changed arbitrarily without actually judging the evidence properly, and the evidence still shows two to one that “website” is two words is far more common than “website” is one word.

Grant!

“Web” is a proper noun, is the proper way to do it.

So my question is, when does a word become commonly used and formed together to make a compound word?

We don’t have one language authority here like other countries do, so what you do is pick the style guide and the dictionary that seem to match what you already believe, and then you trust their advice on things that you’re not sure about.

That’s right.

Grant is a cafeteria grammarian.

He just picks and chooses what he wants.

Here’s something interesting.

AP Style Guide, and I’m a long-time journalist, so I swear by AP, lists “webcam,” “webcast,” and “webmaster” all as one word, and they’re related terms with their own meaning, and they’re not part of the actual web.

That’s right, because “cam” and “cast,” at least those in “webcast” and “webcam,” those are formatives.

They’re not actually full words.

“Webmasters” also has a precedent in all the other different words that take “master,” so we have a precedent.

Oh, please.

With “sight,” we have very few words that take “sight” and form one word, very few.

Hey, Bob and Dave, this was a great call.

Thanks for— I know we didn’t sell the darn thing, but— We didn’t, but obviously Bob is right.

Dave, I’ll buy you a drink next time I see you, all right?

Sounds good.

Take care.

Take care, you guys.

All right, thank you.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

I guess we didn’t help, did we?

But you know what?

I mean, Grant, you and I— You’re a bitter woman, Barnette.

I am an old and bitter woman.

No, you know, I mean, honestly, Grant, you and I have thought about this so many times in email that I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but if you go back and look at my recent emails lately, I’ve been talking about our “sight.”

I didn’t even use “web” anymore.

I talk about our “sight” waywordradio.org.

It’s a fool’s game to make prognostications about language, but I’ve done it and I’ve predicted that actually the term “web” will fall away completely as part of Arthur C. Clarke’s Third Law, and actually the Internet as a whole, including the web, will become so integrated in our lives, in our hardware, in our furniture, that it will basically disappear, like electricity.

Oh, my God.

It’ll become a part of the furniture, a part of the building, and we won’t really even think about it anymore and how we’re getting the data that we’re getting.

Oh, my gosh.

So “sight” itself might actually just go poof.

Wait, “sight” or “web”?

Both.

You’re kidding.

Wow.

Yeah.

And in the meantime, if you’d like to set our houses against each other with a linguistic dispute of your own, call us.

The number is 1-877-929-9673, or email us.

The address is words@waywordradio.org.

Grant, you ready for another Ig Nobel Prize?

Shoot.

How about this one?

A couple of years ago, the Ig Nobel Peace Prize went to Daisuke Inoue of Japan for “inventing karaoke,” “thereby providing an entirely new way for people to learn to tolerate each other.”

I love karaoke.

I think it’s fantastic.

I know.

I keep waiting to see you sing “Feelings.”

No, no, no.

“Jack and Diane” is my song.

Oh, “Jack and Diane.”

Yeah, yeah.

I can see you.

I can see you rocking out to that.

Well, if you’d like to share the microphone with us, call us at 1-877-929-9673.

Coming up, it’s a Capitol quiz and more of your calls.

Stick around.

You’re listening to A Way with Words.

I’m Grant Barrett.

And I’m Martha Barnette, and we’re joined once again by our very own quiz guy, Greg Pliska.

Greg, how you doing?

I’m doing great, Martha.

Thank you for having me once again.

Well, hello, Greg.

What do you got for us today?

I have got a puzzle, of course, Grant.

No.

Really?

Yes, indeed.

You should have.

Where’s the money you promised?

No, I give you the money after you get the puzzle.

Oh, right.

Those pennies sure do come in handy.

Yeah, they do.

Pennies from heaven.

This puzzle is actually based upon an earlier puzzle we did.

Of all the puzzles we’ve done together, the one that’s gotten the most fan mail has been a puzzle called State State Capitals.

Well, I’ve decided to broaden our horizons today with a puzzle called A Whirl of World Capitals.

Oh, my.

Or we might say we’re Havana Dilly of a Time.

Oh, no.

Havana, Cuba, and, of course, Dilly, the capital of East Timor.

Once again, I’ll read you a sentence with a blank in it, and your job is to complete the sentence with the name of a world capital.

And remember, spelling is not important.

What’s important is the sound of the word, and in some cases, you can be liberal with your pronunciation.

So let’s try an example.

Here’s the sentence.

These puzzles are twice as hard as the previous ones.

Why must you keep blank the difficulty?

Compounding, no.

Yes, the new capital of Burma, compounding.

Oh, no, Grant, I think we’re in trouble.

So is there something we can do with two?

No, you’re on the right track, though.

Twice as hard is your clue there if you’re going to make something— Oh, I know.

I know.

Dublin.

Dublin.

Dublin.

Why must you keep doubling the difficulty?

Oh, no.

That’s very good.

That’s awful, but great.

That’s funny.

That’s funny.

If you’re ready— It’s like acne.

It means you’re a teenager, but yet you’ve got the acne.

Right.

What are you trying to say about Dublin?

No, nothing.

Nothing at all.

Some of my best white nights were spent in Dublin.

Okay.

Are you ready to give it a whirl?

Yes.

All right.

Here we go.

Because Mom wanted an expensive blank, went shopping at Louis Vuitton.

Because Mom wanted an expensive blank, went shopping at Louis Vuitton.

I have it.

Oh, the light bulbs are going off out there again.

You want to venture a guess, Grant?

Oh, we would.

It’s ganging up on Grant.

Hello.

Two on one.

Wait.

What do the rules say?

It’s not written in the rules.

It doesn’t say that.

I don’t know.

Moskva.

Purse.

I have no idea.

Synonym for purse would be— Handbag.

Bag.

Good, good.

Sack.

Bag.

Oh, handbag.

Bag.

Bag.

Bag.

Oh, Baghdad.

No.

Way to go.

Is it?

Because Mom wanted an expensive bag, Dad went shopping at Louis Vuitton.

World capitals.

Good work, Grant.

All right.

Here’s another one.

Baghdad.

I’ve heard of that.

Dorothy certainly didn’t rank getting out of blank on her wish list.

I was going to say Oz High.

I think you’re on the right track.

Osmandias.

No.

Dorothy didn’t rank getting out of blank on her wish list.

Oz Low.

Oz Low.

Ooh.

Osmandias didn’t rank Oz Low on her wish list.

Dorothy certainly didn’t rank getting out of Oz Low on her wish list.

How about another?

All right.

Here’s another.

Conrad Hilton through Larry Fortensky.

Just how many times has blank married?

Liz-bow-a?

Liz-ba?

Don’t go for the obvious capital city, go for a more obscure city or a different pronunciation of it.

So it’s not Paris?

No.

Lisbon.

Not that hill.

Yes.

Lisbon.

How many times?

Lisbon.

You’ve got to just like want a vowel.

You’ve got to step all over the shore.

That’s fun.

From Conrad Hilton through Larry Fortensky, just how many times has Liz been married?

Lisbon.

Lisbon.

Oh.

From Hilton through Fortensky, just how many times?

So you didn’t think she was married to Hilton?

Conrad Hilton was her first daughter.

I didn’t either.

How about that?

Yeah.

Wow.

How many times has Liz been married?

All right.

Here’s a good one.

You’ll get this one right away.

Oh, right.

I bet.

I bet.

Yeah.

Sure.

To us, it looks like a whole line of X’s.

But to a Greek, it’s a blank.

What?

A line of X’s, are we talking about Elizabeth Taylor again?

Nice.

That’s very good.

Yeah.

Lisbon is the answer, once again.

Wait.

A line of X’s.

So an X to the Greek is what?

An X.

He.

No.

He.

Or pronounced…

Chi.

Oh, chi.

Right.

To a whole line of X.

So there’s a line of X’s to us.

But to a Greek, it’s a…

Chi chi.

Chi chi.

Chi.

Chi.

Chi.

Chi.

Chi.

Chi.

So now you just need a capital city that starts with the syllable chi.

Chi-cago.

Somewhere in the Middle East.

No.

Chi-ro.

Chi-ro.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Chi-ro.

Oh, man.

I feel my skin thickening with the…

It’s my natural defense against puns.

This is nothing but puns.

We got puns for days.

My quilts are growing out too.

Holy moly.

I’m turning in.

Some people have a full moon when they turn, but I need puns before I actually become an animal.

Wow, Greg.

I don’t even know what to say, but thank you very much.

Splendid.

No, it was good.

All teasing aside, that was a huge amount of work for all three of us, I think.

You both have such type A personalities.

Type A.

Oh, man.

I’ll have to cobble…

Come on, Greg.

Come up with one.

We’ll cobble together another batch of these next time.

Oh, stop.

Stop.

I’ll make those Tripoli difficult.

Okay.

Wow.

Well, if you think you can vex our brains even better than Greg Pliska, give us a call.

The number is 1-877-929-9673.

Hello.

You have A Way with Words.

Hi.

This is Andrea calling from Port Angeles, Washington.

Hello, Andrea.

What’s going on?

I have a singles ad that I cut out of a newspaper about 12 years ago, and I’m trying to figure out what the guy is looking for.

In fact, yeah, I forgot that I had the ad and it wasn’t until I changed wallets a couple weeks ago that I re-found the ad, and now you guys exist to help me answer my question.

So the ad was so good that you saved it.

This must be some ad.

Well, the word that I don’t know reaches across the entire width of the column, which is how it caught my eye.

Can you read the ad to us?

Sure.

It says, “Single blonde, blue-eyed Southtown male, 25, seeking female parateri-ceo-maniac with extensive knowledge of oscillation.”

Of oscillation?

Yes.

Oscillation?

Well, oscillation, I know what that one means.

I looked that one up.

How do you spell that?

O-S-C-U-L-A-T-I-O-N.

Oh, osculation.

Okay, sorry.

Osculation.

Yeah.

And what does osculation mean?

That has to do with kissing.

Right.

So he’s coming off as a typical singles ad guy when he’s looking for that.

Except for that one big $25 word.

Yes.

Wow.

Okay.

Do you want me to spell that one?

Yeah.

Okay.

It’s P-A-R-A-T-E-R-E-S-E-O-M-A-N-I-A-C.

So he’s looking for a parateri-ceo-maniac with extensive knowledge of osculation.

Yeah.

Wow.

Now, why didn’t you just answer the ad?

I have no idea why I didn’t answer.

I mean, wouldn’t that be worth the cost of a bad date, you know?

We could track him down.

In what city?

This would have been in Buffalo, New York.

So what do you think the word means?

You know what the Buffalo market was like.

Were there other guys looking…

I mean, there might have been other guys looking for the same thing but using different words.

Well, you know, when I broke it down with the prefixes, I know of like paralegals.

So it’s like someone who has a little bit of knowledge of the legal system or not as much as a lawyer.

But then the T-E-R-E part, I have no idea what kind of prefix that might be.

Andrea, I can tell you what it means.

I’m so happy.

You know those books that have a lot of really strange words in them, these collections of all these weird big words that you can impress people with?

Mm—

Well, this word shows up in some of those books, parateri-ceo-maniac or parateri-ceo-mania from the Greek word meaning to watch closely, and it’s usually defined as someone who is really crazy about seeing new sights.

Isn’t that great?

And so I thought, well, you know, that’s a really positive adjective, but then I happened to see in a dictionary of psychological disorders that a parateri-ceo-maniac is a voyeur.

Aha.

So I’m kind of thinking, I mean, I wonder about the poor guy who took out that ad because maybe he was trying to impress everybody with his wanderlust, but anybody who’s familiar with that term as a psychological term might have run the other way.

Oh, wow.

Well, I never get to talk about this word, so it’s really thrilling for me to do so.

Well, I appreciate your help, but I finally have an answer.

After 15, how many years?

About 12 or 15, yeah.

Oh, wow. 12 or 15.

That’s a really long time not to change your wallet.

What do you have, like a George Costanza wallet, a really big fat one with stuff flowing out of it?

Andrea, thank you for a wonderful call.

Thank you for your help.

Yeah.

I enjoy your show a lot.

Great.

And let us know how that ad turns out.

I’m really curious.

For sure.

All right.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Martha, you rock, lady.

Yes.

Holy mackerel.

That’s stupendous.

Thank you.

Any reason to bring your Greek dictionaries down off the shelf and you’re a happy woman.

I am.

It did take me a long time, though, to figure that one out.

If you’ve got a long-standing question or a puzzle that you’ve been dying to find out the answer to, actually better if a word has been a burr under your saddle for 12 or 15 years.

Give us a call.

The number is 1-877-929-9673 or pop us an email.

The address is words@waywordradio.org.

And if you need help writing a personals ad, we’ve got quite a vocabulary.

Hello.

You have A Way with Words.

Hi.

How you doing?

Hi.

Hey.

Who is this?

This is Josh from Pittsburgh.

Hello, Josh.

What’s going on?

Well, I have a slight pet peeve and I wanted to know if you guys could confirm it for me that I’m correct.

A slight pet peeve.

Wait a second.

I thought pet peeves were like the word unique.

They weren’t gradable.

They were either unique or not or peeves or not.

I’m trying to be polite because I would say the pet peeve would probably not be.

I would say the pet peeve would probably not be high enough on the scale of annoyance for this word.

I’m trying to be polite.

How about your pet T-Rex peeve?

That’s right.

It’s my big peeve.

Ooh, your big peeve.

And this is a pet peeve free to a good home, huh?

Yes.

Okay.

It’s the word utilize.

Utilize.

It greats on me like fingers on blackboard.

It is a horrible, horrible word that’s overused.

And from what I understand, and I was always raised that utilize means to use something other than what its intended purpose was for.

So you would utilize a dime to go and fasten a screw, but you would use a screwdriver.

But I spent 20 years in the military, and they just threw away the word use, and they use utilize all the time.

Actually, I guess they would utilize utilize all the time.

Because they weren’t using it for the purpose in which it was intended.

Right.

Well, I know that I’ve railed against the word utilize myself, because it’s overused.

You’ve scrutinized the word utilize a couple times yourself?

I’ve scrutinized utilize, and people’s use of utilize, and overutilization of utilize, because I do think that it’s one of those great big styrofoam words that when you pick it up in business jargon, it’s really light and sort of useless.

It makes me uncomfortable, too.

I wouldn’t come out completely against it, but I would say almost every time I hear it, it’s wrongly used.

Almost every single time.

Well, if I could, it seems like everybody who agrees with me tends to agree with me just because it’s a five-cent word for a one-cent purpose.

But my argument is that it’s actually the wrong word.

Mm—

I agree with you there.

I’m looking at Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary of English usage, and they make a distinction like that, too.

They say that utilize means to turn to practical use or account.

For example, in the passage, women who want to work at jobs that utilize their full potential, that means something a little bit different from use, doesn’t it?

Well, I think so.

I think so, too.

I think so, too.

So I guess what I’m saying is there is a place for utilize, but it’s a much more specific meaning than what people have generalized it to mean.

And that’s what you’re saying, too, right, Josh?

Yes, it is.

That’s exactly what I’m saying, because I’m about ready to start a website and a national campaign to stop the word “used wrong.”

Wait a second.

Peavers and ranchers on the Internet?

No.

Peaversandranchers.com?

I like it.

I like it.

All right.

Well, thank you guys so much.

Thank you, Josh, for raising that excellent point.

Best of luck out there.

Oh, you, too.

All right.

Take care.

Bye.

The number to call if you want to talk to us about something that’s been getting your goat is 1-877-929-9673 or send us an email to words@waywordradio.org.

That’s right.

Use your computer to contact us.

Hi, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, this is Mark from the Scripps Rancheria of San Diego.

Mark, welcome.

Hiya, Mark.

Hi.

What’s up?

Well, I’ve got a word that I’ve wondered about for a long time.

The word is “insugrevious.”

Insugrevious?

Insugrevious.

How the heck are you spelling that?

Well, I have no idea.

I mean, I can guess, but, you know, I-N-S-E-G-R-I-E-V-O-U-S.

Wow, can you do that faster?

No.

Insugrevious.

And I’m not worried so much about whether it’s a real word, because I don’t care.

But the word comes from a guy named Gary Owens, who you may know as the…

Beautiful downtown Burbank.

Right.

With the hand over his ear.

Right.

He’s a kind of space ghost, or, you know, whatever.

Oh, yes.

Space ghost.

That’s right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He’s done a ton of that kind of stuff, and he claims to have invented the word, and most of the world believes him.

And I heard him describe the word once a long time ago, and he described it as coming from a class of words whose meaning is malleable to the extent that it can mean two different things at the same time.

And an example would be if your boss says, “What do you think of my report?”

And you say, “Why, it’s insugrevious.”

And he thinks you mean one thing, and you think it means another.

And so my question is more about, first of all, does that class of words actually exist?

And if it does, what’s it called?

And if it doesn’t, should it?

There’s a problem with this word, Mark, first of all, is that it’s Gary’s word.

And so he’s taking, I guess, the privileged place of defining it any way he likes.

And I’ll tell you, he’s been using this word since the mid ’60s.

I’ve seen it as far back as like 1965.

It’s always in connection to him.

It’s always his word.

He owns it.

Some other people have used it.

But in 1968, this is how he described the word, and it’s a little different than what you just said.

So I suspect that he’s changed his story over the years.

Or I got it wrong.

Don’t quote him, all right?

He said, “Insegrievous,” and he spells it I-N-S-E-G-R-E-V-I-O-U-S, “Insegrievous” is a freedom word.

You can use it any way you like, like a diplomat, for instance.

If somebody asks you what you think of your boss, you can say, “He’s absolutely insegrievous.”

The guy you’re talking to can think what he wants.

You can think what you want.

That’s like telling somebody after you’ve kept their kids for the afternoon, “Your kids were as good as they could be.”

Exactly.

It’s exactly like that.

But the key here is he’s basically created a nonsense word, and that’s what nonsense words are.

They have the form of a word.

They can be pronounced and said aloud, and they can be spelled and written and typed and printed, but they actually don’t have a fixed meaning because they’re nonsense words.

I can’t think of any other word that’s like that, or a class of words where you could take it one of two ways and you could fake people out with it.

Well, it’s not one of two ways, it’s any way.

I think you’ve asked a very insegrievous question.

There we are.

It was a pleasure talking with you.

Thank you, Mark, so much.

You bet.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

If you have a question for us, we’re waiting here insegrievously, so call us at 1-877-929-9673.

Or you can email us at words@waywordradio.org.

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You’re listening to A Way with Words.

I’m Grant Barrett.

And I’m Martha Barnette.

And it’s time for another round of Slang This.

Today’s contestant is Fred Valanzano from Bakersfield, California.

Fred, are you with us?

Yes, I am.

All right.

Say hi to Grant.

Hi, Grant.

Hello, Fred.

What’s going on in Bakersfield?

You know, it’s basically the same old thing here.

We are hanging out on a lovely day and listening to A Way with Words.

You ready to play a quiz?

Absolutely.

Do you have a favorite slang term you’d like to share with us first?

I would say my favorite slang term and the thing I’m most likely to use on a recurring basis is the word “cheeseball.”

I would say the meaning behind that is emanates from something being cheesy or maybe just a little off or kind of like that cheeseball that’s still sitting on the counter there after everybody else has had the hors d’oeuvres and all the good stuff is gone.

You know, the chocolate cup of strawberries are gone and the cheeseball with one little slice out of it is still sitting there.

Right.

The one with the nuts on the outside, right?

Yeah, that big hunk.

Yes.

Well, how about if we see how good you are at guessing the meaning of some other slang terms?

Well, I would love to take a shot at that.

All right.

Well, here’s how we play, Fred.

Grant’s going to give you a slang term and then he’s going to present you with three possible examples of how it might be used.

Only one of them is real and the other two are bogus.

So your job is going to be to tell us which example is the real thing.

Three choices, one answer.

You got it?

Yep.

Okay, cheeseball.

Take it away.

All right.

Here we go.

The first term in today’s quiz is soup spitter.

That’s two words with a hyphen, S-O-U-P-S-P-I-T-T-E-R, soup spitter.

And the first usage clue is some zoo chimps are feces flingers.

Others are soup spitters.

The soup spitters are the ones you see taking big gulps of water and then spraying the windows.

The second one, the judge dismissed the charges saying that although the obnoxious boy was sure to come to no good, at this point he was merely a soup spitter and no threat to the community.

And the third one, at the end of the dry season, the long-legged flock of soup spitters joined the other water birds in flight and headed north to their breeding grounds.

So there are your three clues.

So Fred, is it A, a chimpanzee in the zoo that spits water at zoo-goers, B, a troublemaking young man, or C, a type of waterfowl?

Well, it’s terrible because when you said that, I had another whole idea in my mind.

Oh, really?

Well, I was imagining somebody telling a joke at the dinner table that was such a good joke it was a soup spitter, so Grandma Marge down at the end of the table went “Bwah!”

You know?

[laughter] She did the spit take then.

I like that.

That’s too bad.

That’s not in my group there.

Well, we could pencil in D, but you’d still be wrong.

You will, absolutely.

Gee, it’s kind of hard because A seems to have more credibility, B sounds reasonable, and C sounds like a stretch, like we just had to throw a third one in there.

Oh, now, come now.

Wow, deductive reasoning here.

Oh, you’re in trouble, Grant.

Did you say defective reasoning?

No, deductive.

I said defective reasoning.

No, these are brilliant.

I take great pains with these, and even the fake ones.

Yes, absolutely, I agree with that.

A sounds pretty hairy to me.

It sounds like it’s got some legs.

So you’re saying a soup spitter is a chimp in the zoo that spits water at zoo-goers.

I’ve seen those.

I think that that has more credibility in my mind than the kid, the bad kid, you know, who’s a soup spitter.

Do you have kids?

Well, I think the thing is, Fred, it actually is the kid.

Oh.

Wow, really?

Yeah, no, a soup spitter, because think about it.

Spitting your soup at your parents or at the dinner table is kind of a minor infraction, so it’s somebody who’s not quite beyond all hope, and there’s a chance they might grow up to be a responsible adult.

Yes, okay.

So the answer, unfortunately, is B, a troublemaking young man.

B.

So are you ready for the next one?

Sure.

The next one is trailer queen.

That’s two words, T-R-A-I-L-E-R-Q-U-E-E-N, trailer queen.

And the first clue, there are trailer queens attached to every section of the federal budget.

Those small paragraphs ride along in a piece of legislation sucking money away for pork and boondoggles and special interests.

Wow, so political.

The second clue, Don LaFontaine is one of the most famous announcers in the world.

He’s the trailer queen who says things like, “In a world where nothing is for certain,” in movie previews.

I know Don LaFontaine, not personally, but I know exactly who you’re talking about.

And then the third clue, he eased the trailer queen down the ramp being careful not to scratch it or, for that matter, to even get a fingerprint on it.

That vintage roadster was a thing of beauty and he couldn’t even stand to drive it for fear it would get dirty.

So there are your three clues, Fred.

Which one is it?

Is it A, the name of the parts of bills that spend government money on pet projects?

Is it B, a man who does the voiceovers for movie trailers?

Or is it C, a mint-conditioned automobile that is never driven?

Wow, that is really tough because now all of those sound really good.

You know, I’ve been to car shows and seen those cars that never come off the trailer.

And, you know, I’ve seen the commercials with Don LaFontaine in a man barely alive or something like that.

Oh, let’s hear it, Fred.

Come on.

In a world where nothing is for certain.

Oh my gosh.

There we go, hello.

The real radio announcer voice there, you know.

Wow.

Wow, we should write him some copy.

Do you think that’s the one?

Yeah, there you go.

I’ll phone it in.

Yeah.

Do you think a trailer queen is a man who does movie trailers?

I really think that it’s, again, I think that it’s A, it really does sound like the sort of, especially because of all the detail that you put into that clue, if it’s really a red herring or whatever.

Unfortunately, trailer queen is a mint-conditioned automobile that is never driven.

That makes sense.

Who knew?

And, you know, you’re right.

You go to these automobile shows and these things are beautiful.

There’s not a fleck of dust.

Well, they tip them up on their sides.

They jack them up at a 30-degree or 45-degree angle and put mirrors under the car so you can see how beautiful the underside of the car is, too.

I’m sorry, Fred, but you’re 0 for 2, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a good person.

Oh, well, thanks.

I was worried that my whole self-worth was going to be hanging on my quality on the show here.

It is.

Oh, no.

No, we’re going to read about him in the paper tomorrow.

He’s going to have thrown his recycling in the street instead of putting it nicely in a can.

Yeah, in the canal.

Oh, wow.

That was fun.

I really do love what you guys do and appreciate the show.

Well, thank you very much, and thank you for playing with us today, Fred.

Great.

Thanks a lot, Grant.

Hey, and by the way, Fred, before you get away, I want to let you know that we’re going to send you a copy of Grant’s book, The Oxford Dictionary of American Political Slang.

Oh, that sounds really rich and juicy.

It is.

Yes, sir.

That’s wonderful.

Yeah, you should wait for the movie.

In a World Where Political Slang.

It’ll be epic.

Yes.

In a World Where Political Slang can be baffling.

Yes, more, more, more.

What would you say, Grant?

In a World Where…

I would say, and listeners, if you’d like to join our quiz on the air, the numbers 1-877-929-WORD, or email us at words@waywordradio.org.

Be sure to include all your phone numbers and your favorite slang word.

Hello.

You have A Way with Words.

Hi, this is Margaret from Southwest Wisconsin.

What are you thinking about today?

Oh, well, I listened to your show.

Thank you very much.

It’s a reassuring show in so many ways.

And it was for this reason that I called in, because I hear over and over in my house, when I’m leaving to go drive somewhere, “Drive safe.”

And you know, I’ve tried for years to say, “Safely, please drive safely.”

But I need some help, and I need some solace from Martha and Grant, because I’m not getting it in my household.

Breathe deeply.

I just want to say here, your argument is, just to clarify, that “safe” is an adjective, and “safely” is an adverb, right?

Mm—

Right.

And I noticed you didn’t mention who was saying “drive.”

No, it’s better.

I don’t want to hurt feelings.

It’s just that I’m just looking for a little bit of understanding from the two of you, so it would make me feel better.

Oh, well, Margaret, you have it from me.

I mean, I would just…

Thank you, Martha.

You’re welcome.

Well, Margaret, I guess the question that I would have for this unnamed person in your household who tells you to drive…

Husband.

Husband.

This unnamed person in your household who tells you to drive safe, does this unnamed person in your household also drive a car that has a bumper sticker that says, “Think global, act local?”

Not yet.

But he would if he could, is that what you’re saying?

I don’t know.

I’m very particular about bumper stickers.

Well, yes, Margaret, I am here to reassure you that…

Thank you, Martha.

…that you’re welcome, that as you and I were taught growing up, adverbs modify verbs, adjectives, other adverbs, and a few other things, and in this case, you want an adverb to modify “drive” there.

I agree.

That’s the correct way to speak.

I would encourage, however, appreciating the sentiment is sometimes better than quibbling over the method in which it’s delivered.

But, Grant, this isn’t rocket surgery.

It’s easy.

It’s an expression of love and care.

You two are a great balance.

You’re a great balance.

Really, yeah.

All right.

So it’s not 100% grammatical, but it’s an informal situation, and somebody saying, “I care about you.

Please drive safe.”

Lee.

Lee.

All right.

All right.

Lee.

It’s an adverb.

I also want to say, if this other person happens to be, say, your spouse, I hope that this is the largest argument that you have.

Probably.

Margaret, if he really loves you, he’ll use an adverb.

Wow.

The line has been drawn.

Oh, you guys are great.

Dictionaries will be thrown tonight.

That’s right.

Well, you have to choose your battles, and don’t you think you can concede on this one?

You know, just by talking to the two of you, I feel better already.

Oh, do you?

Well, that’s good.

Yeah, I do.

I really do, because there was some point that I was thinking, “maybe it doesn’t need an LY.”

And then I heard your show last week, so I thought I’d call in.

Feel better.

And I do.

So thank you, Martha and Grant.

Awesome.

Take care of yourself, Margaret.

And drive safely.

Thank you.

Thank you, Martha.

Bye-bye.

You’re welcome.

Thank you, Grant.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

If you’ve got a language dispute that needs resolving, we are the arbiters.

Give us a call at 1-877-929-9673, or send us an email to words@waywordradio.org.

Well, I promised you more winners of the recent Ig Nobel Prizes, those awards for academic research that first makes you laugh and then makes you think, the 2005 Ig Nobel Prize for Economics was awarded to Gauri Nanda of MIT for inventing a shag carpet-covered alarm clock on wheels.

Now, when you hit the snooze button, this is so brilliant, when you hit the snooze button, the alarm clock rolls off the nightstand, then runs away and hides repeatedly, thus ensuring that you will actually get out of bed.

Or murder somebody, in the morning, I don’t want that.

Well, quit snoozing and give us a call at 1-877-929-9673.

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hello, this is Beth calling from Waukesha, Wisconsin.

Hi, Beth, how are you doing?

Hi.

Pretty good.

What do you do in Waukesha?

I work as a reference librarian.

My mother-in-law is a librarian in Iowa.

Oh, really?

Yes, librarians have a special place in my family.

Okay, well, I ran up against a word which has the librarian stumped.

The word is estuary, and here’s what happened.

This summer, my husband and I went on kind of a nature study week to the Oregon coast, and in one of the talks, they mentioned an estuary being the area where an inland river runs into the ocean.

And I thought, okay, but I’m from Wisconsin, and I know that in what we call Door County, we have the Mink River estuary.

That is the place where the Mink River runs into Lake Michigan, which is a freshwater lake versus an ocean.

So I was trying to figure out if we need to have saltwater here in order for this to really be an estuary or what.

And I can’t really nail it down.

So you’re calling us and not the Army Corps of Engineers?

I thought this would be more fun.

Get with it, Martha.

My main question is, I’m trying to figure out whether the larger body of water has to be saltwater or can it be freshwater.

Okay, all right.

Well, first of all, let’s talk about the word estuary.

And usually the pronunciation is estuary, like est-chew, which is kind of surprising.

So anyway, it comes from a Latin word that has the idea of different things coming together and churning.

So your question is, can it only be freshwater, right?

Or can it only be saltwater, you know, is it one or the other or can it be both?

Okay.

Well, Beth, I have a feeling that we’re going to get flooded, as it were, with emails from estuary experts.

I can tell you that there has been a certain amount of controversy in the scientific world over whether there is such a thing, such a subset as a freshwater estuary.

Okay.

I have one point to make on this.

I understood that one of the ways that this was resolved or could be resolved is just understanding that an estuary is always tidal.

That is, it’s one non-tidal body of water flowing into a tidal body of water.

And Lake Michigan is a tidal body of water.

It feels the effects of the tides, does it not?

Well, I’m not 100% sure.

We do get waves on Lake Michigan, but it’s, you know, I thought maybe that was the tides were only for large bodies of water, like oceans.

Yeah, that’s what it feels to.

But I think the Lake Michigan is large enough, I think it is definitely large enough to feel them.

Wow.

Well, you know what, Beth?

You’ve put it out there and we’re going to put it out there and, as I said, we’ll probably be inundated with all kinds of information about this.

You guys have a, reference librarians have a Stumpers email list, right?

I believe we do.

Yeah.

I wonder if they…

Well, there is an email list.

It’s actually changed places a few times.

It was called Stumpers.

It used to be, now it’s called Project Wombat and if you Google that, it’s a great place to post these kinds of questions and actually I love to browse it just to find interesting new tidbits.

Because Grant is a big nerd.

Project Wombat.

Oh, she’s on the case.

Okay.

She’s a reference label.

She’ll find it in no time flat.

And take a look at their archives because you’ll get lost.

You’ll start with estuaries and end up talking about porcupines in Asia because it’s really interesting.

It’s really interesting.

Well, Beth, thanks for…

So I hope we’ve been of some help for you today, Beth, even though there’s not a definitive answer there.

Okay.

And I appreciate having the new website to look at also.

Okay.

Yay.

Thanks for calling, Beth.

Okay.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

The number to call about language, words, grammar, literature, and things that have been written down and spoken out loud is 1-877-929-9673 or send us an email any time day or night.

Words@waywordradio.org.

Have another Ig Nobel Prize for you, Grant.

All right.

Let’s hear it.

Okay.

Last year’s Ig Nobel Peace Prize went to Howard Stapleton for inventing a device that makes annoying high pitch noise designed to be audible to teenagers but not to adults, thus creating an electromechanical teenager repellent that can be used by businesses to discourage teens from hanging around.

I heard about that, but do you know what the problem with that is?

You heard about it?

Yes, I heard about that.

You know, some adults can hear that frequency.

I’m one of those people.

It would drive me bananas.

It seems the overachieving Mr. Stapleton went on to use that same technology to make telephone ringtones that are audible to teenagers but probably not to their teachers.

I think that’s brilliant too.

Well, in any case, we hope you’ll call us and Grant will be able to hear the ringtone even if I can’t.

The number is 1-877-929-9673.

Send us your super secret inventions or your language questions to words@waywordradio.org.

Our senior producer is Stefanie Levine.

A Way with Words is edited by Tim Felten.

We’ve had production assistance from Robert Fung and Dana Polakovsky.

A Way with Words is produced at Studio West in San Diego.

I’m Grant Barrett.

And I’m Martha Barnette inviting you to join us next time, right here on A Way with Words.

[music] ♪ Hoping often ♪