“Hot Mess” Describes Chaotic Dysfunction, Often with Affection

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, my name is Vanessa, and I am calling from Dallas, Texas.

Hello, Vanessa. Welcome.

Thank you so much. I’m so excited to be talking with y’all.

Outstanding. What can we do for you?

Well, okay, so my daughter and I are riding around, and there’s a car in front of us that has a license plate, and the license plate reads, hot mess.

Now, this is a term I’ve used with my daughter before. I’ve said it to friends, but I don’t know what it means. And I only realized that after my daughter asked me, what’s a hot mess? What is that? And so I figured I’d call you guys to get a little bit of insight.

Oh, boy. A hot mess. Now, where are you from exactly?

I’m from Dallas.

And I bet you hear that term a lot.

I first heard it from Martha.

Is that right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Years ago, you used it in the studio.

Was that describing myself?

Probably.

Are you serious?

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think I learned it from you right here in this very room.

Wow.

Yeah.

Well, I got to tell you, there’s a couple different interpretations of hot mess. One of them is that it’s a person who, despite their personal chaos, despite all the madness that surrounds them, like they’re involved in a lot of things and a lot of balls are being dropped and deadlines aren’t being met and goals are not being achieved. Despite all that, they’re still a friend or a romantic partner or somebody that you want to hang around with. Somebody who maybe is attractive. So that’s one version. So that’s taking the slang definition of hot, somebody who is attractive despite the messiness in their life.

Now, the problem with that, though, is I think that’s actually an added-on interpretation that came later in the history of the slang term hot mess. Because for a lot of people, hot mess is what you have. Imagine that you’ve got a big pot of hot chili, and you drop it on the kitchen floor. It’s a giant mess, and you can’t even clean it up because it’s hot. It’s steaming hot. And so you’ve just got to wait for it to cool. And that is the worst kind of mess you can possibly have is a mess that can’t even be fixed, can’t even be solved. So it could be good and it could be bad.

Yeah.

I’m trying to remember how I used it. It sounds like you’re using it with affection, though, when you’re talking to your daughter.

Well, I am. I mean, for us, it’s just funny. Like, it’s just a funny way to describe someone who, you’re right, who’s got, like, a whole lot of chaos going on, but, you know, you still care about it.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, there’s affection in there.

I think there is. Usually when I hear it, it’s kind of the nicer version of the will bless her heart. It’s just a little nicer. It’s just like, oh, you know, isn’t she just a mess?

Well, I was going to say that. But you invite her over anyway, even though she’s a mess. And it’s maybe intensified by the hot then. Because I can remember my entire childhood being called a mess. And it wasn’t because I was messy. It was like, oh, that Martha Ann, she’s a mess. You just got your hands and everything and nothing’s quite working out.

Yeah, but that is affectionate.

Yeah.

But I feel like I’ve heard hot mess also used in a sort of derogatory way.

Yeah.

Like this person is just a wreck.

Well, let me ask the both of you. I don’t know that I’ve ever heard it applied to a man.

Huh.

No.

I can’t think of a time that I would have ever used it on a man either. I mean, I’ve never said to my husband, oh, you are a hot mess. I think it may be gendered. I don’t have enough evidence for this, but my intuition says that it’s gendered as female.

That’s interesting.

Which is kind of like the worst way that English behaves when it always, so many of the negatives apply to women, right?

Yes.

And then, you know, like I have heard it applied to women before, like maybe a couple of girls talking about someone else, which is not a good situation. But, you know, one girl will say to another, oh, she is just a hot mess. And not in a cute, fun way, like I would mean that with my daughter.

Right, exactly.

Yes, yes. That’s what I was saying is I’ve heard it that way. Was it a woman driving the car with the hot mess license plate?

It was a woman.

It was a woman. And so she has this license plate that says hot mess. And the license plate cover, you know, the border around the plate is animal print. And the front of her car has big eyelashes attached to the headlights. So maybe, like, that’s just her self-description. And she is just proud to be a hot mess. She’s owning it. Hot mess pride.

The reason I, early on when I asked where you were from, I just wanted to know because it is definitely a southern term. It’s far more common in the American South.

Yeah.

Okay.

Far more common.

All right. But, I mean, it percolates, though, because, you know, people watch the same TV and southern folks will use it on a show.

Mm—

Mm—

All right. Well, cool. I hope we’ve enlightened you a little bit.

You’ve certainly enlightened us.

Sure. I’m excited to get a little bit of background on it.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, our pleasure. By the way, it’s at least 10 years old, maybe even 15. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s older than that, but that’s as far back as I could take it.

How interesting.

Vanessa, it’s great to talk with you.

Great to talk with y’all, too.

Bye-bye.

Take care.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

You too.

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