Sounding Like the People Around You

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, how are you?

Doing well. Who is this?

This is Sarah calling from Fairfield, Connecticut.

Hiya, Sarah. Welcome to the show.

Hi, Sarah. How are you doing?

Good. How are you guys?

Okay. What can we help you with?

I was calling because I have a lot of family who lives overseas in Lebanon, and they all speak English, and I visit them often.

And recently, my aunt and my cousin came to visit me here in the States, and I find that when I speak to them, I tend to speak in their Arab American accent.

And I even use their grammar, even though I know it’s improper.

And I don’t think about it.

I unconsciously do it.

And I can’t even speak in that accent when I’m not with them.

So I’m wondering why that is.

Interesting.

What does the grammar sound like?

You know, maybe words here and there will be left out or, you know, part of speeches will be left out.

And I’ll tend to speak like them so they can, I feel, so they can understand me more, but I don’t think about it.

I’m always wondering why it is I do that.

I even do it with my friends from New York or who live in the South.

I don’t know why.

Oh, that’s a great question.

Do you find yourself being judged for that, or do you judge yourself harshly because you do that?

I don’t often judge myself.

I feel, when I speak to my friends from the South or New York, I kind of feel rude because I think that I’ll pick up their words and not intentionally do it.

But when I speak to my family, I never really judge myself or am worried about it.

You’re just sort of a linguistic chameleon.

Right. And my brother does it, too.

Oh, really?

And my mother does it. Yeah, we all do it.

Everyone. You’re right. By all, that means all humans do it to a greater or lesser degree.

It’s part of what gives us group cohesion.

We pick up the language of the people around us as a way of becoming a part of that group, demonstrating to others that we belong, and making ourselves feel more comfortable in that group.

It is a natural, normal, human thing to pick up the accents of the people around you, particularly family, particularly if there’s a strong emotional connection there.

I asked you whether or not you were being judged because sometimes people who don’t understand that that’s normal think that those who pick up accents easily are fakers or posers or are pretending to be something that they’re not.

And there may be cases of that, but by and large, people who do this, it’s unconscious.

They’re not even thinking about it.

They’re just doing what is the natural human thing to do, which is to speak like the people around you.

It’s normal.

Wow, that’s great to know.

And I think that emotional connection makes a lot of sense since it’s my family and I really do speak like them a lot.

That’s great.

Yeah, I mean, when I go back to Kentucky, my accent gets more and more and more Southern every time.

Or if I’m tired or angry or…

Feeling romantic is the other one.

I was going to say, you need to read a bit now.

Tired, angry, drunk, or feeling romantic.

Those are the conditions under which your authentic accent comes out.

So go forward, Sarah.

Do this with just full comfort and that it’s a fine thing to do.

Yeah, it’s interesting, isn’t it?

It’s going to make your family actually feel more comfortable.

The human response to somebody who sounds like us is to like them more.

And so that’s part of the reason that we do this.

We forget sometimes that we are animals and we do have these natural things about us that aren’t intellectual that we do as animals to make us a part of a pack.

And that’s one of them.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Well, thanks for letting me know.

I really appreciate that.

Yeah, sure.

Thanks for calling.

Thanks for listening.

Of course.

Have a great day, guys.

Take care, Sarah.

All right.

Bye, Sarah.

Bye-bye.

What have you noticed about language?

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