Visiting With One Arm Longer Than the Other

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hello. Oh, hi, this is Maggie. I am calling from Spring Valley, New York.

Welcome, Maggie.

What can we do for you?

I recently heard your program. I was delighted. And I’m a first-time listener, really.

And as soon as I heard your program, I thought of my father, who always had these terrific expressions.

But one in particular that I never understood what it meant.

And he was very fond of visiting people, just popping in and visiting and not staying too long.

He didn’t wear out his welcome or anything, but he would always stop on his way and, you know, buy something, cake, cookies or whatever.

And we’d say, Dad, what are you doing?

And he’d say, come on, Maggie, you can’t show up with one arm longer than the other.

And he always said that.

And I never really heard the history of where that came from.

But I did ask him when I became an adult once.

And he told me, well, that’s a guy who’s got one arm longer than the other because all he does in life is reach and take with that one arm.

But I don’t know if that’s so, so I thought you would be the expert.

That’s so interesting.

I haven’t heard that particular version or explanation before.

Maggie, we’ve got a lot to tell you about this.

I’ll try to keep it briefer.

But your dad’s version is kind of rare and special to you and your family.

Because usually it’s said a little differently.

It’s said as don’t go visiting with one arm as long as the other.

So basically don’t go visiting with both arms the same length.

Or sometimes, rarely, one hand as long as the other.

Because the idea was that when you go visiting, always bring something.

So your dad was still obeying the rule about always bringing something to someone else’s house, a food, a gift, or something like that.

But the expression wasn’t quite the same.

And this expression goes back, oh, I don’t know, to the 1850s at least.

And it comes from the Irish, who are particularly known for it.

You can find all of the early uses that I’ve ever found in print were from Irish folks and Irish newspapers.

We had an email message a while back from Bernadette Kenny in New Hampshire about this expression, and I think it explains it pretty well.

She wrote to us and said, I first heard this expression many years ago from my Irish mother-in-law.

She would also say that a guest showed up, quote, with one arm as long as the other, unquote, to emphasize just how empty-handed they were if they didn’t ring with their elbow.

We’ve talked about ring with their elbow on the show before, Martha, haven’t we?

Yeah, ring the door with your elbow. Don’t come empty-handed.

Right.

So one arm as long as the other means empty-handed.

And one arm longer than the other means you have something in your hand that’s stretching out your arm.

Well, I could see my father having his own version.

He was quite a character, and we also are very Irish.

But it was definitely don’t show up with one arm longer than the other.

Keep that and save that.

It’s just fine with us.

You have your version, and it makes perfect sense in the way that he explained it, I think.

Because he was still talking about generosity and sharing and not being a reacher, right?

Right.

Not being a grabby person.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think that’s just fine.

Thank you for sharing that memory with us and giving us a chance to talk about this expression.

Great.

Thank you.

And keep it up.

It’s a great program.

Bye.

All right.

Take care.

Bye-bye.

Be well.

Bye.

Bye.

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