A Fort Worth, Texas, woman remembers her grandfather used to say, “You live and learn, then you die and forget it all.” She wonders if he made it up. Turns out, the phrase goes back to the 1840s and may allude to the brevity of life or to putting trivial matters into perspective. This is part of a complete episode.
Transcript of “Live and Learn and Forget it All”
Hello, you have A Way with Words.
This is Dana Lachance from Fort Worth, Texas.
Hi, Dana. Welcome to the show.
Hi, Grant. Thank you. It’s good to be on.
Great to have you. What’s up, Dana?
I wanted to talk about my granddaddy.
He was really just an amazing man, kind of a renaissance guy, born in 1896, so that when I was growing up, he was already an older gent.
He was very dapper and just full of life, twinkle in his eye all the time.
And he was just, he was the king of things.
You know, don’t take any wooden nickels or, you know, the old gray mare just ain’t what she used to be.
I mean, he always had something.
But as he got older, there was one saying that he used to say that just baffled me, and it was, you live and learn, then you die and forget it all.
And I remember that most specifically because it was so profound.
Even at my young age, I was 12, 13, and it was unlike anything he had ever said before, and I hadn’t heard it since.
And I was wondering if it were a granddaddy original or where it had come from.
You live and learn and then you die and forget it all.
That’s it.
And when would he say this?
When it was something that happened that had taught somebody through hard experience?
You know, Grant, that is a very interesting question that since I have called y’all, I have pondered on.
And indeed, it was as he got older and the twinkle was a little less.
And I think it started maybe when my mom started getting sick.
And he didn’t.
Things had changed.
Yes.
Does that make sense?
Yes, it does.
So it was about an acceptance of it’s kind of almost it is what it is.
It’s kind of an acceptance that things will just happen, and all you can do is experience it and try to draw some lessons from it and move forward.
Well, you know what?
Actually, I never really got it until 20 years later.
I mean, you’ve been gone for 20 years, y’all, and suddenly it hit me.
You live and learn, and you die and forget it all.
I think it means just how trivial this life really is.
Yeah.
That would make a lot of sense.
Does that make sense?
It does, and it plugs in nicely to what I found when I was researching this phrase.
There are places where people had theological disputes about it.
The argument that you would forget it all isn’t necessarily in agreement with a lot of theological traditions, because that assumes that there is no afterlife, that you would not carry your worldly knowledge into this other afterworld.
Right.
So there is something kind of almost saying that there is no second chance.
There is no afterlife if you’re saying that you’re going to forget it all.
Or it’s just not that important.
Right, right.
That said, this saying isn’t only your grandfather’s.
It goes back at least to the 1840s.
You can find it pop up here and there.
A lot of times it’s quoted as if it’s a well-known saying, but nobody gives the source.
And we find many different versions of it.
Live and learn is a lot older.
Live and learn goes back to, I believe, the 1600s.
But the live and learn and then die and forget it all is much newer than that.
It reminds me of so many articles I’ve read about people who are either on their deathbed or toward the end of their life.
And when they’re talking about their main regrets, one of the biggest ones is they say, I just wish I hadn’t worried so much.
Oh, yeah.
You know, why just don’t worry so much?
And it sounds like that’s what you’re saying, too, Dana.
Yes, there’s so many things you can just let go of, you know.
And I just, I’ve never heard it since, since my grandfather said it, though.
And I just found it comforting, profound, something to ponder on.
Yeah, and as Grant says, it has quite a history to it.
That’s great.
I knew, I mean, like I said, I mean, Granddaddy had been so many things, a soldier in the First World War, a barber, a schoolteacher, a banker.
I mean, just he had been everything and done so much.
And to hear him say something like that, you had to really think about it when it came out of his mouth.
Well, it’s clear that you idolized him, Dana, and I’m so happy that you shared the memories with us.
You bet.
Thank you all so much.
And you all have a good one.
I appreciate you.
Bye-bye.
Okay, you too.
Bye-bye.
All right.
Bye.
What are the words and phrases that have been handed down in your family?
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