How Many in a Couple?

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, this is Lynn. I’m calling from Tallahassee, Florida.

Great to have you, Lynn. What’s up?

Okay, so I know how you guys usually help out some relationships when it comes to arguments over particular words.

Yeah, usually.

And I need you guys to settle an argument.

Okay.

Let’s hear it.

Okay. So basically what this all comes down to is whenever my boyfriend and I start debating something and then it turns into an argument, we stop.

And we either let it go or we bring in a third party. And right now, for the past five years, he will not let this particular instance go.

Oh, boy. No pressure there.

He’s adamant that I am using words incorrectly and that I need to change my position.

So I’m hoping you guys can help.

Okay.

Five years.

Five years.

And part of it is I’m pretty sure I’m doing it just to torment him now.

Right.

It comes down to the difference between a couple and a few.

A couple and a few?

I use them interchangeably.

Give me a few napkins or give me a few moments or give me a couple of straws.

And he hates that.

He hates it because he’s convinced a couple is always two and a few is always three to four.

Okay.

Okay.

I know.

It seems kind of silly, but when I say give me a couple and he gave me two and I need more,

He told me that I was not being precise in my language.

Oh, I see.

And what’s your position?

I grew up using them interchangeably.

I don’t see a big deal, especially when I found a dictionary that said not only are they synonyms,

But it actually said one of the definitions of a couple was a few, and he didn’t like that.

So he’s going to argue with the dictionary.

Right.

Or bring out a different dictionary.

Exactly.

Dueling dictionary.

Interestingly enough, I’ve mentioned this at work, and it’s created an interesting dynamic with my coworkers, too,

Because some are definitely on his side and some are definitely on my side.

And I’m thinking, is this a regional thing?

Is this just how we were all brought up or even our generation?

But it’s interesting.

It has caused some interesting discussions.

Yeah, you’re going to get that, particularly when you interrogate somebody directly about their own language use.

They usually really honestly don’t have any real idea how they speak and what they say.

They’re kind of like they’re using their own judgment for the moment and trying to come up with the best possible version of themselves.

Any field worker in linguistics will tell you if you directly interrogate people about their language use, you’re not going to get very good results back.

So you always have to go it indirectly, which is why lexicographers and dictionary editors look at written text that wasn’t written to be examined for linguistic cues.

Right.

We look at books and we look at novels and newspapers and transcripts of things that people are writing on Facebook and wherever.

And we use that text to say this is unguarded speech.

They did not know that we were going to look at.

This is their true selves.

This is how they really speak.

So that’s, I suspect, is what’s happening with your significant other.

Is that he is not fully aware of his own patterns as well.

But let’s set that aside for a second.

Here’s what the New Oxford American Dictionary says about couple.

It’s second entry.

It’s first entry is for two or a pair, right?

It says an indefinite small number, okay?

An indefinite small number.

And this isn’t the only word that we do this.

I’ll be there in two seconds.

Well, is it actually two seconds?

No.

It only takes five minutes.

Come over.

We’ll do this together.

Is it actually five minutes?

No, it isn’t.

Oh, it’s just a 20-minute drive away.

There’s this old joke in a lot of cities across America that everything is just 20 minutes away

Because it’s kind of the generic number we use.

It sounds specific, but it’s actually not.

It’s very imprecise.

So the bottom line is that couple can mean more than one thing.

Lynn and her partner are not a few.

They’re a couple.

Right, right.

Well, one of the jokes about this is that if few always meant three, then we’d only have three Marines in the U.S. Marine Corps.

Oh, good point.

I like that argument.

And where you find that border between couple and few is really contextual.

And, you know, we often say this on the show, words do not exist alone.

They keep company, and you examine them according to the company they keep.

To merely look at the couple alone without a larger body of text is a mistake

And just really not going to give you the results that you want.

So couple is used vaguely and imprecise all over the place.

And few is already vague and imprecise, right?

Is it three or is it four? Can it go up to five? Can few be two?

And you will get occasions where it turns out to the two.

And here’s the other thing.

I’m sorry.

I’m really excited about this, Lynn.

Here’s the last thing I want to say.

I like it.

No, this is good.

So when somebody says, give me a few napkins, nobody involved knows exactly how many napkins

They’re going to give back to you.

And it’s not that they carefully counted and said, here’s three napkins.

You just kind of grab a little bit off the top and you give it to the other person.

This is all to say, Lynn, your boyfriend needs to stop arguing about this because he’s firmly

Wrong.

All right?

Excellent.

Lynn is high-fiving herself right now.

If he wants to be right about this.

I am.

If he wants to be right about this, he should only ever use the number two, the number three, and the number four,

And stop using those two words altogether, because he is a minority by like 100 million to one.

Wow, that’s great.

Lynn, so now what will you torment him with?

Well, first of all, I’m going to probably torment him this for a while,

Because he did ask me if you guys were going to call him and get his side of the story,

And I told him that’s not how it works.

Sometimes we do.

That’s going to be the first thing I torment him with.

If he wants to send us his points of view, if he disagrees, by all means.

But it sounds to me—

Well, it’ll take a couple of minutes.

Yeah.

It’ll take a couple of minutes, yeah.

Why is it email?

Yeah, there’s another joke that I saw on Metafilter, which is a discussion forum I go to, where somebody says,

Anytime somebody asks me about couple versus few, I say, I’ll get back to you in a couple of minutes.

I have a few things I need to finish up first.

Oh, that’s excellent.

So, Lynn, I think we’re sending you away happy.

You very much are.

And the next time he is upset with me because I was not precise with my language,

I’m going to do exactly what you suggested and say,

Well, then don’t use the word couple or few at all and give me numbers.

And that might be the next thing I torment him with.

Yeah, but how many do you mean?

You just said a few.

Do you mean three or do you mean four, buddy?

Exactly.

Thank you guys so much.

Thank you, Lynn.

You don’t even know how much I appreciate it.

Yay, there’s a happy woman in Florida.

I think we do.

Okay.

Thanks, Lynn.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Thanks.

Bye.

877-929-9673.