How Long is a Bride a Bride?

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, this is Candice Mauberly Lang from Brea, Kentucky.

Hi, Candice. Nice to have you.

Well, what’s on your mind today?

So my question has to do with marriage, particularly the correct verb tensing surrounding the word bride. I’ve been married for a little over three weeks, and in the weeks leading up to my wedding, I had folks tell me, Candice, you are such a beautiful bride, while others told me, Candice, you are going to be such a beautiful bride. In the days following the ceremony, people commented, Candice, you are such a lovely bride. And others had told me I had been such a lovely bride. So in short, when does one start being a bride and when does one cease to be a bride?

Oh, my goodness. I can already hear our listeners dialing in to weigh in on this one. Wow. Well, Candice, what are your thoughts about that?

Well, I am a speech-length pathologist, so I target verb tensing sometimes with the students I work with. I honestly hadn’t thought about it until after the wedding. And I could make a case for any one of them. And so I thought I need to reach out to the experts to see if I can get a little more information on this. So, you know, something else I grew up with, too, I would often hear particularly elderly gentlemen refer to their spouse of many, many years as their bride. And so I don’t know if it’s a generational thing or a regional cultural consideration. And I’ve tried to do some of my own homework and have not been able to come up with any answers.

Well, how do you feel? It’s been three weeks. Do you still feel like a bride?

I still feel like a bride. I don’t know that I’ve really been able to wrap my head around the fact that I’m married. Oh, my God. What’s this thing on my finger? Right, right. So I still feel like a bride. And I was able to find out most people consider newlyweds to be up to six months after the wedding. So I don’t know if that helps. And then to muddy the waters even more, I’m not sure if the same rules apply to being a groom.

Right. So a lot to consider. Maybe it has to do with when you get all your thank you notes out. Maybe that’s when you stop.

Oh, so you’re going to be a bride for decades.

Right. Oh, yeah. So I’m just thinking about the old gentlemen who call their wives their brides. And I’m just thinking about how some of it is a matter of perspective. You know, there’s kind of an overlapping vision that you get with loved ones where how you first knew them and how you know them now and everything that’s gone on between are all smooth together. And so one vision of them. And so you can look at that portrait, that kind of combined portrait of them, and you still see that bride that you first knew them as, even though it’s been 20, 40, 70 years. And so I can see why the old gentleman will call them the bride because they still see the blushing young lady behind the veil, you know? And they can still see all the other important moments in between then and now. And so that’s the thing with bride. Some of it is really about the perspective of the observer and some of it is about the perspective of you. So as long as you feel like a bride and you feel like you’re living this charmed life with someone wonderful that you love and it feels new and amazing, I say continue to be that bride.

Well, it is interesting that we don’t use groom in the same way at all. I mean, I feel like a groom is a groom on the day he gets married. Yeah, yeah. And then it’s over. But bride kind of has that afterglow.

I think for some people. I think for me, it’s very individual. I mean, we had two brides at my wedding, so we shared it. Yes, yes. And I thought, does that harken back to the days of when brides were considered property in some places? And is that why they would continue to be referred to as the bride? Because that kind of referred to that status as being someone’s property, unfortunately. I’ve had time to think about lots of possibilities, but not really get any answers. So I appreciate y’all, and I like the perspective piece, and that really does help contextualize it.

Well, Candice, I want to say thank you for bringing this question to our attention. I’m with Martha. I know we’re getting tons of emails and calls right now as we speak. My feeling is that this is really a choose-your-own-adventure.

No, and I like that answer, too. And give your fellow a squeeze for us, all right?

I sure will. I sure will. Martha, thank you so much for your time.

Thank you, Candice. Bye-bye.

Take care. Bye-bye.

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