Verbal Disclaimers

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, this is Patrick from Indianapolis.

Hello, Patrick. Welcome.

Hi, how’s it going?

Super. What can we do for you?

I just had a quick question about a real interesting construction that I’ve been hearing a lot at work and around my friends, and it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, and I didn’t know if there was a name for it or if this is a common thing for anybody else.

But I hear people say things like, I don’t want to be mean, but, and then it’s always followed by something really mean.

Or, I don’t want to be racist, but, and then it’s always like something really, really racist.

And it always just catches me off guard when people do that.

Are they saying it genuinely or ironically?

Do they know that they’re about to be racist or do they think that somehow that forgives them?

I think they know they’re about to be racist, which is why they try to justify it by saying, you know, I’m not a racist.

But then they are.

I’m going to negate that by saying something really good.

You know, nobody ever says, I don’t mean to be nice, but you look great today.

Right.

That’s true.

They should, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, it kind of reminds me of people saying, oh, I’m just saying.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

I’m just saying.

I’m not saying.

I’m just saying.

You’re just saying, meaning.

I’m not saying.

I’m just saying.

I’m just throwing it out there.

Yeah, yeah, right.

I’m just throwing it out there.

It’s not coming for me.

It’s just like it exists without me being the agent of its existence.

Exactly.

So you’re on to something, Patrick.

Yes, but what is it?

An insult, really.

I think they’re insulting your intelligence.

Okay, understood.

I think more offensive when people do that personally.

I’m offended if people are racist and deny it.

I’m offended if they’re mean and deny it.

If you’re going to be mean, just say, I’m about to be really mean.

You might want to leave.

Right?

Right.

I mean to be mean.

I don’t like you.

But why can’t we speak plainly is kind of at the bottom of what you’re asking.

Right, exactly, yeah.

Well, because we’re human and we’re weak, that’s the general answer for that.

I suppose that’s as good of an answer as I could expect.

Martha is inhaling.

She’s doing the kind of inhale that means, I might have an answer.

No, no.

I don’t want to be wrong, but no, I’m just thinking, I mean, beyond the term disclaimer or something like that.

Well, it kind of serves as a warning.

Even if you don’t take the content of that first part of the phrase, right?

I don’t mean to be mean.

If you just accept that that’s not true, it is a warning for what falls.

Yeah.

Sure.

And it’s more, I think, direct than the ones that come at the end.

Like, I’m just saying, or bless her heart.

Oh, yeah.

You know?

I mean, it’s…

We called these roses with thorns at one point, didn’t we?

Oh, I like that.

Right?

I like that.

But it’s kind of the thorn before the rose.

Or actually, no, it’s still the rose and the thorn.

But there’s something else here, right?

I like that.

I like that.

It’s a little bit of a gift horse.

Right.

Absolutely, yeah.

A gift horse.

A little.

I mean, what it is is like there’s a discrepancy here between intention and delivery.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

So, Patrick, do you do this yourself?

Are you a culprit?

You know, I mean, I’m sure I’ve done it before.

It’s one of those things that really annoys me when people do it.

Yeah.

And then I catch myself doing it later.

Oh, right.

Is there something about you that draws these kinds of statements?

I manage about 18 employees, and normally when they get into fights or something like that, and I have to mediate between those arguments, that usually comes out.

So they’ll say, and my response is always, well, that is mean.

Yeah, exactly.

Right, right.

Exactly.

We don’t have a name for it.

Everyone does it.

It’s a little irritating.

It’s not completely honest, and maybe we should try to stop.

I think it’s a lot irritating.

Yeah.

Well, thanks for the food for thought.

No problem.

Thanks for your answer.

If we come up with an overall term for this besides, you know, why.

Passive aggressive.

We’ll let you know, Patrick.

All right.

Well, thanks a lot.

I love your show.

All right.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Thanks.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Or, you know, another one that just occurs to me is, why do people say, just out of curiosity?

I mean, why else would you ask a question?

Oh, your other question wasn’t out of curiosity.

Martha has just offended half of our listeners.

Nice job.

Thank you.

And if you’d like to give us a piece of your mind and then say, I’m just saying, feel free, 877-929-9673.

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