Rare-Do-Wells Puzzle

You’re listening to A Way with Words, the show about language and how we use it.

I’m Martha Barnette.

And I’m Grant Barrett. And, well, a gust of wind, the door swings open, and who’s standing in the shadows but our quiz guy, John Chaneski. Hi, John.

Hi, Grant. Hi, Martha.

I’m coming out of the shadows to bring you this quiz.

Wow, it’s very bright in here. Okay, good.

Now, there are lots of fun ways to call somebody a bad guy. You know, you can say they’re a rogue, a scoundrel, a rascal, a cad, a bounder. But one of my favorites is ne’-do-well.

So descriptive.

As comedian Gary Goldman says, how often do they do well? Ne’ they ne’did well.

Now, it was my own wife, poet Jennifer Michael Heck, who told me, you know, there are some people you can’t classify as ne’-do-wells because, you know, every once in a while they get it right. She says, I’d call them a rare-do-well.

Oh.

Yeah.

Well, that’s all I needed, and I was off.

So what would you call someone who does some good and, say, lives in a nudist colony?

A rear-do-well?

A rear-do-well.

Or, or. What do you think, Martha?

Maybe a bear-do-well.

A bear-do-well, yes.

Very good.

Or a bear-rear-do-well.

Let’s try some of these now. Now, you know, it’s not easy to do well by yourself. Sometimes you need an associate, a friend, a compatriot. Like Batman and Robin, what would you call a couple or duo focused on good deeds?

Pair-do-well.

A pair-do-well, yes.

Now, for some people, it’s not enough to do well. You also have to make it tough on them. Like Robbie Knievel or his father, Evil Knievel. What devilish do-gooder can only do it if you challenge them on some level?

A dare-do-well.

Yes, a dare-do-well. Very good.

My barber, he’s a great guy. On the weekends, he offers his services for free to homeless people who have a job interview. Now, what do I call him?

A hairdo well?

A hairdo well, yes.

Very nice.

Did I ever tell you about my veterinarian? He sits pregnant horses and birthing their foals in his spare time, and he does it for free. What do I call him?

A hairdo well.

A hairdo well.

That’s right.

I have a barber and I have a veterinarian, a personal veterinarian.

Wow.

Right?

Big life.

Big fancy, yes.

I’m watching late-night TV, just sitting there. Commercial comes on for Feed the Children or World Wildlife Fun, whatever, and I can just pick up my phone and donate without ever getting up for my Barker lounger. What would you call me?

Chair do well.

Chair do well.

Laziest of all the do wells, the chair do well.

Of course, sometimes it’s very simple to do well. All you have to do is give a little of what has been given to you. The other day at work, someone offered me a brownie. What did I do? I gave a little bit to Grant and a little bit to Martha. What would you call me?

You’re a share-do-well.

I’m a share-do-well, yeah.

Good guy.

All of these people are care-do-wells, so we’ve gone from ne’-do-wells to care-do-wells. I think it’s great.

So go out and do well, you guys. You guys did very well on the quiz.

Well, fairly well, John, and thank you for the quiz. We appreciate it.

Farewell, farewell.

We’d love to talk with you right here on the air about language, so give us a call, 877-929-9673, or send your stories about language to words@waywordradio.org.