Dallas, who lives in Eugene, Oregon, wonders why we use number one and number two as euphemisms for “pee” and “poo.” This is part of a complete episode.
Transcript of “Number One and Number Two for Pee and Poo”
Hello, you have A Way with Words.
Hi, this is Dallas from Eugene, Oregon.
Hey, Dallas, welcome to the show.
What’s up, Dallas?
I was calling because I’ve been staying with my girlfriend and her family, and they were recently fostering some kittens.
And part of that process, of course, was litter box trainings.
We got them when they were just two weeks old.
And during the course of that, these phrases of number one and number two, to, of course, mean pee and poop came up.
And that started the conversation about why do we call it that?
I mean, I get the need for a polite euphemism, but why specifically number one and number two?
And why, you know, why in that order?
Couldn’t figure out why that was.
Couldn’t really find much online about it.
So I figured you guys were the ones to talk to.
Well, yeah, I think we are.
And first of all, Dallas, props to you for fostering kittens.
Two weeks is really early.
I’ve really got to give my girlfriend and her mom the credit.
I’m interested that you would use a euphemism like number one and number two with cats instead of with, say, children.
Oh, yeah, I guess I didn’t think about that.
So number one is urination and number two is defecation, right?
Right.
There are a lot of theories floating around, a lot of amateur theories, I should say, about why we say number one and number two.
But the truth is, this has been looked at by word historians and etymologists and amateurs of all stripes.
And no matter how many theories people come up with, and there have been a lot of theories, nobody knows.
There is nobody who has an answer that can be verified in any way, shape, or form about why we say number one and number two.
They are, however, the most sterile euphemisms for those two bodily functions, I think, that I’ve ever come across, number one and number two.
I think they’re perhaps even more neutral than a lot of the medical terms.
Right, yeah, even the least graphic ones still kind of give you, you know, sort of a mental image.
Yeah, micturation instead of number one still seems a little meh.
Right.
I suspect some super amazing teacher, perhaps, this is my made-up theory, but it just seems to me that somebody figured out, some magical person figured out, these two numbers were not going to make the children giggle.
Even something like to go wee or to make water would make children giggle in a classroom.
Interesting. Well, that makes as much sense as anything else.
Both are at least 100 years old.
They pop up in a book of slang from 1902, and that’s the first that we know.
Yeah.
And I recall reading that sometimes you could use number one to refer to a chamber pot itself rather than the contents.
But, yeah, I think Grant has a good point.
I mean, those are the first two numbers that you learn.
Why we did that instead of A and B, I don’t know.
But I think that makes sense that maybe a teacher just came up with that.
Maybe.
But again, made up dairy like all the others.
You know, interestingly, there’s been a lot of proposals for what should be number three.
Some say vomit.
Some say other bodily fluids.
But nobody has settled on one firm answer for what number three should be.
I think we’re probably good with just number one and number two.
Yeah, number one and number two.
Yeah, I think we’re good.
Don’t want to get to four.
Yeah.
Hopefully whatever number three is, we’re not doing it frequently enough to need it.
To need a term for it.
Right.
Exactly, yeah.
Right.
Sweat, maybe.
Sweat would be a good number of three.
There we go.
Dallas, thank you so much for calling, and thank you for your work with the kittens.
Yeah.
Yeah, no problem, and thanks for having me.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Well, I love that Dallas would come to us with a question that’s that basic, but really interesting, actually.
I guess it’s made easier to take because it’s about kittens and about something gross that happened in the bathroom.
Yeah.
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Regarding #1 and #2, my understanding (from hearing what older people said when I was growing up in rural northern Indiana) is that these designations go back to the days when the restroom at a school was an outhouse. So that students could ask to be excused to use it with minimal disruption, they used hand signals: one raised finger to urinate, two to defecate. Why those numbers, and why there needed to be a definite specification, I have no idea, unless it was so teachers could have an idea how long a student might be gone.
I’m sure you’ve seen that explanation. But here’s a story based on it, which I think lends a little more credence to it. In the early 1960s, my father took my brother and me to a small-town high school athletic banquet. The speaker told a story about a basketball referee from years earlier who was a very tall man, so big that he could hold a basketball in the palm of one hand. Once, after he called a foul, he held the ball in his right hand and raised two big fingers above it, to indicate the number of free throws. According to the speaker, people seeing this thought it looked really funny to see this gigantic authority figure holding up his hand like a little boy asking to be excused for #2.
The fact that this story was told, and that it presupposes the hand gestures in an old-fashioned school context, seems to me to support this version of the origin of the terminology. But I suppose lots of people think that about their versions.
Thanks for your great programs!