Our First and Last Words Considered

You’re listening to A Way with Words, the show about language and how we use it. I’m Grant Barrett.

And I’m Martha Barnette. A baby’s first word is a major milestone. It’s an occasion to celebrate and savor, and it changes the relationship between caregiver and child. But you know, in some cultures, other milestones are far more important. Among the Navajo or Diné people, for example, it’s not a baby’s first word, but their first laugh that’s eagerly awaited. And it’s believed that that first laugh marks the moment when babies transcend their spiritual existence to live with their family in the physical world. And within days, the person who first elicited that laugh throws a big party to mark the occasion.

Linguists spend a lot of time studying early language acquisition, but what’s far less studied is language at the end of life. How do dying people communicate in those last days or hours or moments? Well, there’s a new book that explores language at both ends of life and ties it all together in a way that’s as fascinating as it is original.

The book is by linguist Michael Erard, and we’ve discussed his earlier book on hyperpolyglots who speak dozens of languages. His new book is called Bye Bye, I Love You, the story of our first and last words. And the first half of his book concerns language at the beginning of life, like what exactly counts as a child’s first word. And then the second half of his book is about language at the end of life, because, you know, we often attach a lot of significance to famous last words or being there to hear the last thing that a loved one says.

And we imagine people retaining their full linguistic capabilities on their deathbeds, but the fact is that’s usually not the case because words at that point are often replaced by looks or gestures or touch. And Erard suggests ways of thinking about all this that may make that communication and those memories more satisfying for everybody. And the book also answers a lot of questions you might not ever have thought about, like what is a likely first word that caregivers often miss? And do people’s last words have anything to do with their first words?

And Grant, I’ve only scratched the surface of this book, but suffice it to say that it’s beautifully written, it’s wide-ranging, it’s deeply personal too and moving. And it’s chock full of information about language. I really think you and our listeners would dig it.

Yeah, I would expect nothing less from Michael O’Rourke, who is a fantastic linguist and a great writer. And it sounds like something I need to put on the top of my stack of books to read. And I’m struck here by the fact that so many of our listeners have heard me talk over the last 18 years about my son. And they’ve heard me talk about his acquisition of language and the little funny things that he said. And yet I don’t really remember his first word because it’s kind of a transition. You as the caregiver know their needs and their wants.

And so for me anyway, and my wife, it wasn’t really about his first word. You know, we understood him before language really was a thing for him.

Yeah, that’s so interesting. By gesture and noise and context. It really, it just kind of flowed. Right. And you assign meaning to those gestures and those looks and glances.

Grant, I find that so interesting because after reading this book, I went around to lots of people and said, do you remember your first word or your child’s first word? And for some people that first word or that supposed first word was very, very important. And other people just kind of shrugged, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, it’s kind of like some people know when they took their first steps and some people don’t.

Right.

For some people, it wasn’t a big deal, but we all have these life moments. And I appreciated the Dine people and the idea of the laughter was their moment.

So much of it is cultural and not really tied to biology at all.

Absolutely.

Well, this book is packed with all kinds of interesting ideas that I think will be new to a lot of people. And I really recommend it.

Again, it’s called Bye Bye, I Love You by Michael Arard. And we will link to this on the website as we do all the books we talk about on the show. You can find them at the end of the episode descriptions.

If you have a book that you love, that you’d like to share with us so that we can share it with the world, absolutely send it to us.

Words at waywordradio.org.