Fill-in-the-Blank Limerick Puzzle

You’re listening to A Way with Words. I’m Grant Barrett.

And I’m Martha Barnette, and we are joined now by our quiz guy, John Chaneski.

Hello, John.

Hi, Martha. Hi, Grant. How are you guys?

Hi, John. What’s up, buddy?

I have a little puzzle here for you guys I think you’re going to like.

We had a lot of fun with limericks a while ago, so I thought I’d look at them some more.

You know, I have many, many, many, many books of limericks, and two of them are clean.

So I’ve gathered some classic and not-so-classic limericks, and I’m going to see if you can guess the last word of limericks from their context.

Okay?

Okay.

Great.

Now, one classic feature of many limericks is that the first line ends in a place name.

Now, this one is from Lewis Carroll.

There was a young man of Oporta who daily got shorter and shorter.

The reason, he said, was the hod on his head, which was filled with the heaviest…

Mortar.

Mortar.

Very good.

Oh, wow.

Excellent.

I’ve never been to Oporta.

I’ve never said hod on the radio.

I’ve never heard hod on the radio.

We’re just breaking ground here.

Here’s the next one.

This one’s by Haywood Brun, a Brooklyn-born journalist, quite famous.

He wrote the following.

There was a young man with a hernia who said to his doctor, Galdernia,

When improving my middle, be sure you don’t fiddle with matters that do not…

Concernia.

Concernia.

Very good.

Yeah, he was one of the New Yorker crowd, wasn’t he?

Yes, he was.

That’s right.

Now, here’s an oft-quoted limerick from Ogden Nash.

There was a young girl of old Natchez whose garments were always in patches.

When comment arose on the state of her clothes, she drawled, when I itches, I…

I scratches.

I scratches.

Very good.

Nice.

This next one’s by an old friend of ours, Anonymous.

An accident really uncanny befell a respectable granny.

She sat down in a chair while her false teeth were there and bit herself right in the…

Well, whoever Anonymous was, he wasn’t a Brit.

Oh, he was a Brit, and this is naughtier than we thought.

She bit herself right in the fanny.

In the fanny, that’s right.

This one, I’ll just say it hits kind of close to home.

It’s by John Straley, and it goes like this.

There was a young fellow from Boise who at times was exceedingly noisy,

So his friend’s joy increased when he moved way back east to what people in Brooklyn call…

Joy-Z.

Joy-Z.

Good.

This was by Harvey L. Carter, who was a professor of history at Colorado College.

There once was a co-ed named Clapper in psychology class quite a napper.

But her Freudian dreams were so classic, it seems, that now she’s a…

Something flapper?

No.

This is a multi-word, actually a multi-letter.

Wow.

I just need three letters, but they’re Greek.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right, there we go.

There you go.

A Phi Beta Capper?

She’s a Phi Beta Capper, that’s right.

Very nice.

Now, this next one’s dirty, but it’s only about as dirty as an episode of Match Game from 1975.

A very smart lady named Cookie said, I like to mix gambling with Nookie.

Before every race, I go home to my place and curl up with a very good…

Bookie?

Bookie.

That is hot.

That’s really hot.

Yeah, it’s hot.

And you do a great Gene Rayburn, I’ve got to say.

Thank you.

He’s one of my favorites.

Okay, here’s another one.

This one’s sort of scientific.

There was a young woman named Bright whose speed was much faster than light.

She set out one day in a relative way and returned on the…

Previous night.

Previous night.

You know that one.

Okay.

Yeah, that’s an oldie.

I thought by asking for two words instead of one, it might screw you up a little bit.

But you got it.

All right, we’re going to do one more.

All right.

The limerick packs laughs anatomical in space that is quite economical.

But the good ones I’ve seen so seldom are clean, and the clean ones so seldom are…

Comical.

Comical, right.

Very good.

You guys did great on that limerick quiz.

Thanks very much.

John, that was a lot of fun.

Thank you.

Thank you, John.

Let’s talk to you next time.

See you.

If you’d like to talk limericks or grammar or slang or punctuation or words and how we use them, the number to call is 1-877-929-9673.

Or send an email to words@waywordradio.org.