In parts of the Southern United States, the leave-taking phrases come and go home with me, come go home with us, and come home with us don’t mean that the departing guest is literally inviting the host to come along. The host’s equivalent is often something like you ought to just spend the night, which usually isn’t a literal invitation, either. Both are simply courteous ways of saying that it’s time for the gathering to wind down even though they sure would like it to continue. This is part of a complete episode.
Transcript of “Saying “Come Go Home With Us” When Leaving”
Hello, you have A Way with Words.
Hello, this is Helge Swanson in Tallahassee, Florida, and I’m thrilled to speak with you all.
I’m a huge fan of the show, so hello to Martha and Grant.
Helge, welcome to the show. Nice to talk to you.
Thanks.
What’s on your mind?
I have kind of a historical question having to do with my childhood and the sudden movement from Laguna Beach, California, to near Pensacola, Florida.
That was about 1955, and my dad, shortly after we arrived, fulfilled a lifelong dream to buy a farm.
And, of course, I found myself early one morning in the very, very rural part of Santa Rosa County, about 30 miles north of Pensacola and just short of the Alabama border.
And my dad was quite a friendly guy, and so he made friends with all the locals who were quite a trip.
That was the first time my schoolteacher ever said y’all, right?
Well, a welcome, a welcome to Florida.
But the particular thing that sticks in my mind is that neighbors would frequently visit.
And, of course, after every visit, when it was time to leave, they’d get up and say, well, y’all come go home with us here.
Of course, my dad was kind of a literalist, so he would like, you know, butz around and say, well, gee, you know, we’ve got dinner on or we can’t really go right now and so forth.
And, of course, away they’d go.
And then the next visit, hey, y’all come go home with us here and same kind of thing.
I mean, I think eventually it began to dawn on my dad.
It certainly did on me that this is some kind of salutation.
But it stuck with me all these years and was such a strong part of that North Florida rural culture.
But y’all come go home with us.
You find this in much of the South, certainly in Appalachia, either come and go home with me or come go home with us or come home with us.
It’s a lovely nicety, I think, and it’s the kind of transitional statement that you need during an evening like that, right?
Right, saying the fun shouldn’t end.
I wish it wouldn’t end.
You know, if you come home with me, we can have more fun.
Let’s just continue this elsewhere.
Let’s have a party after the party.
Right.
Yeah.
Well, it’s probably a good thing that we didn’t actually, you know, like get up and say, well, sure, you know, what’s for dinner?
That would have created a whole new stir, I’m sure.
Yeah, but these leave-takings, as they’re known, are at a level of formality where you’re right.
They’re not meant to be taken literally.
They’re not meant to be taken word for word.
It’s like when you run into somebody you haven’t seen in a while, and no matter how terrible your life is, if they say, how are you, you say, fine, or something like that, even if your life isn’t fine, because that’s what’s expected of you.
Or I was watching the musical Hamilton when it was released on Disney Plus.
And there’s this part in there where Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton are sending vicious letters back and forth.
And they sign them, your obedient servant, even though they’re not obedient, nor are they each other’s servants.
I have the honor to be your obedient servant.
Yeah, I have the honor.
No, they’re angry and vicious and mean.
In the South also, the other side of that, what hosts sometimes say is, you ought to just spend the night.
Or, you know, stay all night.
And they don’t mean it necessarily.
Yeah, stay all night goes back to at least the 1920s.
There are really great entries, by the way, Helga, in the Dictionary of Smoky Mountain English, which is a lovely work that covers more than just the Smoky Mountains.
All of Appalachia and much of the South will recognize their language in this book.
Just a really fantastic work of reference to the Dictionary of Smoky Mountain English.
If you get a chance to browse that or get your own copy, it’s a really wonderful thing to come across.
Well, thanks for sharing that memory with us.
Well, sure, that’s my pleasure.
And thanks for the analysis.
I’m, of course, fascinated by the relationship between language and culture and the variety of meanings that we ascribe to things.
Oh, yeah, humans are just interesting beasts, aren’t they?
Thank you.
Take care.
Y’all come go home with me now.
All right, will do.
Thank you so much.
You know, my dad used to get up and rattle his keys in his pocket when it was time to go, and everyone soon learned.
Even when he knew they knew what he meant, he kept on doing it.
In your family, what were the leave-takings they used to signal it was time to go?
What did they say?
What was the message?
How did they put it?
