Between vs. Among

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, this is Maureen from North Park in San Diego.

Well, hello, Maureen.

Hi there.

Welcome to the program. What can we do for you?

I have a question about the difference between the word between and among.

If I’m saying, for example, well, we had a discussion and between us, we came to the conclusion that blah, blah, blah. Can I say between when I’m referring to more than two people or two things?

Yes.

Okay, I was corrected about this.

At least I think I know what you’re thinking, Maureen. You’re thinking about what we were taught growing up, that between has to do with two people.

Only two people or two things, and otherwise use the word among.

Right.

But to me, between sounds right when I’m saying, well, between you and me and so-and-so.

In the gatepost, yeah.

Right.

Yeah, and you’ve hit exactly upon the point that I was going to make, which is that we were taught that, but there are times when you just really have to let your instinct predominate in this case.

And I realize that makes the rule less than clear.

But say, for example, you were talking to a friend and you said, wow, turn on your radio because there’s a great conversation going on right now between Maureen and Grant and Martha.

You wouldn’t say among there, would you?

A Hmong would sound wrong to me in that context.

That’s right.

Yeah, it’s a little hyper-corrected, I think.

So usually that between applying to two people makes sense, but sometimes you just have to go with your instinct.

Yeah, Merriam-Webster has a really good example of how following that rule about between two strictly, actually on behalf of a Hmong, using a Hmong for all circumstances that aren’t between two things, can fall astray.

And they say, a worthy book that nevertheless falls among many stools.

You know, you kind of can ruin the idiom.

It’s between two stools, right?

Right, yeah.

I mean, to straddle a fence or to try to hold two points of view at the same time.

So sometimes go with your instinct, what sounds right.

Yeah, English is all the rules.

Here’s the thing that needs to be said about English over and over again on this program.

The rules that we talk about that English has, we know them because we looked at what English is and said, oh, these are the behaviors that it has.

It’s not a created language or a crafted language.

We didn’t come up with a list of rules and say, let’s make the language conform to these list of rules.

You see what I’m saying?

We observed the language, divined that it had some general rules, and then we put them in print.

But all of these rules have exceptions, and the listeners’ and the speakers’ instincts rule the day with English.

What sounds right is almost always right.

That’s good to hear.

Thanks so much.

You answered my question.

Super duper.

Thanks for calling.

Okay, bye.

Okay, bye-bye.

And Martha’s like holding her breath because she’s going to argue with everything I just said.

No, no, no, no.

I’m not.

I’m not.

Grammar is our friend.

But I tell you, you know, you mentioned the Merriam-Webster Guide to Usage.

And there’s another part of that same entry that I just love, which you may recall.

They quote a usage manual, an old usage manual from 1906.

And it makes this prescription.

It says, in the case of among and between, it says among may apply to any number and between applies to two only.

But then they list a couple more entries from that same usage manual where they’re talking about the words bring, carry, and fetch.

And it says, discriminate carefully between these words.

Right, right.

They break their own rules.

And here’s the thing.

When we talk about what sounds right is usually right being best, I’m talking about your own writing, your own speaking.

Right?

That’s the thing, the rule here.

And when you decide to write a guide for other people, then the rules change and your own instincts don’t work for other people.

They work only for you.

So that’s where we run into problems with these self-appointed, big-headed people.

You mean like us?

Whatever.

If you’ve got a question about grammar, give us a call, 1-877-929-9673.

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