Stand Flat-Footed and Kiss a Turkey

Hi, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, this is Kathy, and I’m calling from Greensboro, North Carolina.

Hello, Kathy, from Greensboro.

Welcome to the show.

Thank you, thank you.

I was calling, I was telling my parents about your great show,

And it started a wonderful conversation about some of the things that my grandmother used to say.

She’s from Savannah, Georgia.

And so she used some wonderful phrases to describe all of the enormous bugs that they had down there.

And we were just wondering what was unique to her and what was unique to Savannah or just what was unique to places with enormous bugs.

Bugs? What kind of bugs?

Specifically mosquitoes and palmetto bugs.

Oh, yeah, those are real, those big palmetto bugs.

Yeah, I lived in Florida for a while. I know all about those.

Yeah, so she used to call the really big mosquitoes, she would call them gallon nippers.

Gallon nippers.

Yes, because they would take a gallon.

Yeah, they nip you and take a gallon of your blood, yep.

And then she might also say about the mosquitoes that they were so big that they could stand flat-footed and kiss a turkey.

Oh, I know.

Which is my favorite.

That’s nice.

I know a less polite version of that.

Oh, goodness.

And then she also used to call the palmetto bugs, she called them Chatham County eagles.

Oh, nice.

Chatham County?

Is that Savannah’s county?

Yes, it is.

Chatham County Eagles.

Oh, there’s a long tradition.

And I would say that it comes from the American tall tale tradition.

There is a long tradition of making up stories about the size of the bugs where you’re from.

How big was that bug?

There’s a ton of these.

Like in Arkansas, they would say that a mosquito was so big that you could trap it and train it to drill for oil.

Oh, that’s good.

In Louisiana, the mosquitoes are so big they show up on radar.

Oh, that’s nice.

And in Wisconsin, in the summertime, they’re so big that they have to file flight plans.

There’s a ton of these.

That’s great.

And in Florida, the mosquitoes are so big they have leashes.

But to answer your original question, the one about the turkey, that a mosquito is so big that it can stand flat-footed and kiss a turkey,

That one’s got some mileage on it, so folks know that one.

The gallon nipper, I’ve heard versions of that as well.

Here we go.

In East Texas, you’re just not safe.

The big mosquitoes push the little ones right through their window screens.

Oh, that’s wonderful.

I had no idea there were so many different ways.

Yeah, but Kathy, this is part of the American tall tale tradition,

Like the riverboat guys and the liars competitions,

Where the folks would just sit on the porch and everybody keeping a straight face,

But each fellow taking a turn at a lie and just see if he could top the other guy.

And you know that you win because everyone just leaves.

There’s no laughter.

There’s no applause.

But you told the best way everyone just gets up.

And this might be a tall tale,

But my father always said that my grandmother used to say

That you should never let the truth stand in the way of a good story.

Right on.

Or a good idiom.

I know some politicians who believe that.

That’s right.

Kathy, this is wonderful.

I don’t know if I helped you at all, but I had some fun.

No, no, that was very interesting.

Thank you so much.

Our pleasure.

Thanks for listening.

Thanks, Kathy.

Bye-bye.

Take care now.

Bye-bye.

If you’ve got local stories or catchphrases or jokes about how big or bad your insects are,

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