Ever thought about getting that novel published? Apparently, others have too, and some of their queries are less than persuasive for the admittedly grumpy literary agent who writes the blog SlushPile Hell. He posts some of the more colorful queries from his inbox, along with his own pithy responses. Take this one: “Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be pulled up a waterfall or to be flushed down a toilet?” To which the agent responds, “Hey! Have you been reading my mind?” Ouch. This is part of a complete episode.
Transcript of “SlushPile Hell Blog”
You’re listening to A Way with Words. I’m Grant Barrett.
And I’m Martha Barnette.
If you’re a writer who’s dreamed of getting published, then you may have tried to find yourself a literary agent.
Now that’s a tough process. I’ve been through it.
You slave over your manuscript or proposal, and then you finally send it off, and then you spend all this time biting your nails waiting to hear back.
But just for a moment, pity the poor literary agent who’s digging through that huge slush pile of submissions each week.
They’re looking for that needle-in-a-haystack effort that just might sell.
Well, I have a whole new appreciation for the work of literary agents now, thanks to a blog.
It’s called Slush Pile Hell.
And the blogger’s taken pains to remain anonymous.
He describes himself simply as one grumpy literary agent.
That’s all. All grumpy literary. They’re all grumpy.
Yeah, isn’t that kind of redundant?
Well, each week, this person takes snippets from the 10 or so worst queries he’s received that week, and he posts them online along with his grumpy, snarky remarks.
And they’re just snippets.
There are no names used, so nobody gets embarrassed.
But they’re really instructive, not to mention hilarious.
I’ll give you an example, Grant.
Oh, please.
Recently, one would-be author wrote, not that I would compare myself to Hemingway, but if you read my novel, you’ll see that it’s as brilliantly simple as The Old Man in the Sea, as poetic as The Sun Also Rises, and as epic for Whom the Bell Tolls.
And the agent’s response is, well, at least you didn’t compare yourself to Hemingway.
I love it.
Brilliant. What’s the name of that blog?
It’s called Slushpile Hell. Let me give you another one.
Okay.
I have an idea for a book about a dog.
Before I take the time to write it, can you tell me if dog books are still hot?
And the agent writes back, I’m glad you didn’t waste your time. Dog books are out. Manatee books are in.
I love a good manatee book.
Me too, especially the pop-up ones, right?
There’s a little bit of schadenfreude there.
Yes, there is, but it’s also instructive.
You know, it’s a lesson about doing your homework.
It’s a lesson about knowing your audience.
And I know a lot of writers who read Slushpile Hell now in order to make sure that they don’t make the same mistakes.
Brilliant.
Absolutely the right thing to do.
It’s kind of inspiring.
Well, we know our audience, and we know that you like to have your say, 877-929-9673, or send your say in email to words@waywordradio.org.
