Sick Abed on Two Chairs

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hello, Way With Words.

Hi, how you doing? Who’s this?

This is April Smith.

April, where are you calling from?

I am in the DeGrasse area in Russell, New York.

What’s on your mind, April?

Well, years ago, I was probably in my 20s. I was acquainted with a gentleman who was in his 70s. This was, oh, back in the 1970s. And I would greet him and ask him, Pete, how you doing? And he’d say, oh, sick of bed on two chairs with a twinkle in his eye. And being a young kid as I was, I would just say, oh, really glad to hear that, Pete. And I never really understood what he was saying to me. And assuming that was a good thing, I still don’t know what that means.

Wow.

So what does that mean?

Sick a bed on two chairs or in two chairs?

Sick a bed on two chairs.

Really? And he suggested that it was something really positive.

Well, he always said it with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. Now, Pete Peterson was born in the back country of Joplin, Missouri.

Oh, one of my folks.

Now, that’s interesting because I’ve always heard it as more of a sort of they’re malingering. They’re not really that sick.

Oh, I see.

Well, maybe that explains the twinkle.

Yeah.

Because he’s been purporting to be sick, but actually just having some time off.

Right.

Have you ever heard the longer form, April? Sick in bed on two chairs with my feet out the window and the blinds pulled down?

No.

There’s a couple different possible origin stories for this. One is that you’ve pulled a couple of chairs together kind of facing each other so there’s no gap between them. And you put it in the kitchen or where all the family’s hanging out so the sick person can hang with the family and actually so that the family can keep an eye on them. So you’re literally sick of bed and two chairs with a lot of blankets and people bringing you treats and tea and so forth.

One version of that says that you do that in the kitchen. You bring those two chairs together to keep you out of the bedroom that you share with your siblings so your sibling doesn’t catch what you have. And then there’s another version which says, sick in bed on two chairs means you’re sick, but you’re working anyway. So you’re still sitting at the dinner table, still eating your meals, but you’re also sitting on the porcelain chair as well because things aren’t going well, if you know what I mean. So you’re actually sick in bed on two chairs, which means you’re not actually in bed, but you are on two chairs, so to speak.

Huh.

Okay.

So maybe that’s the twinkle in his eye. He didn’t want to give you the full details, but it meant something that he, you know, he was hoping you’d understand what he was talking about.

He was always just pulling my legs.

That’s the sense that I’ve always had of it, is that you’re kind of pulling somebody’s legs. So we’re just talking about a bed for a second. When we’re talking about being a bed, it’s an old-fashioned way of saying in bed, right? A-B-E-D. And that’s sick of bed.

Yeah, sick of bed.

Yeah, so he was just, he was pulling my chain.

I think he was. I think he was being ironic.

Yeah, yeah, maybe not really sick. Maybe he was taking that version of it. Not really sick and just kind of trying to pass himself off as somebody who needed sympathy and love.

It’s a great phrase, though.

All right, April, I hope we helped a little bit here. Shed some light on it.

Bye, April.

Okay.

Take care now.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

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