Quiz Guy John Chaneski has a game of rhyming headlines based on the 1937 Variety issue, “Sticks Nix Hick Pix,” claiming that rural folks avoid movies about rural folks. This is part of a complete episode.
Transcript of “Rhyming Headlines Quiz”
You’re listening to A Way with Words. I’m Grant Barrett.
And I’m Martha Barnette. And we’re joined once again by our quiz guy, John Chainsaw.
No, not him!
Oh, that’s me.
Sorry, John Chaneski. The nice one.
Thank you.
You’re the nice one.
Chainsaw is my nom in the National Puzzlers League, yes.
As you know, we all have puzzling names, and that’s my chainsaw.
Right, right. You’re sharp wit.
My handle, yeah.
Do either of you remember a headline that is often quoted as, like, the most classic headline from the entertainment newspaper, Variety? No, but I always like The New York Post, Headless, Body, Found, and Topless Bar. That is a classic. The one from Variety goes, Sticks, Nicks, Hick Picks. Oh, yeah. Remember that one? Yeah, it’s one of those famous headlines in journalism, actually. What it means is, now, Sticks, Nicks, Hick Picks. Sticks, meaning people in rural areas. Nicks, reject. Hick, again, people in rural areas, picks, or movies. So they’re saying that people in rural areas would not like movies about people in rural areas. Turns out actually the headline actually turned out to be false. They actually loved movies about people in the hills and whatnot.
Yeah, I was going to say.
But it’s a very famous headline.
And I’ve created a few of my own rhyming headlines.
Oh.
I’ll describe the story to you. You give me four rhyming words that would make a headline for that story.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
For example, female deer are familiar with a TV program about tailors.
Oh, boy.
So does.
Doe.
Doe.
Female deer are familiar with a TV show.
No.
And it’s about tailors.
So show.
Doe.
Dono so show.
Dono so show.
Very good.
Yes.
Good job, Martha.
I loved hearing you work that one out.
So that’s the way this puzzle works out.
All of the ones that I’m going to do at the beginning here are all one-syllable words, and I said there are four of them, okay?
Let’s try a few more.
Oh, boy. Okay.
Here’s a story about a Wayword mallard that hit a tractor trailer wedged in an overpass.
A Wayword…
Duck, struck, truck.
Stuck?
Stuck, struck, stuck, truck.
You know what? I’ll take the words in whatever order you throw them out.
It’s okay.
You’ll put them all back together, right?
Yeah.
How about this story about rough-hewn Scandinavians drag a palomino from his barn against his wishes?
Is it Swedes or…
Or Danes?
Danes. Danes is better.
Danes?
No.
No.
Think about the palomino.
Horse, pony.
No, horse is right.
Oh, Norse horse.
Say the clue again, please.
Rough-hewn Scandinavians.
Course Norse.
Drag a palomino from his barn.
Force horse, but Norse.
You got it.
Course Norse, force horse.
Course Norse, force horse.
Oh, God.
Course Norse, force horse.
That’s all we need at this point.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, the barn, I’ll use a little extra in there.
Oh, John, you’ve been busy.
Yeah, yeah.
Wow.
Let’s try this one.
A study finds that if your dinner companion doesn’t show up on time, they will be a terrific marriage partner.
Late date something mate.
Mate’s great mate.
Late date, great mate.
Very good.
Here’s a story about an Englishman whose friends on a lark poured a bucket of cola on him while he’s sleeping.
Blokes.
Oh.
Coke.
Bloke’s Coke joke something.
Coke joke.
Coke joke.
By bloke’s.
Woke.
Yes.
Coke joke woke bloke.
Coke joke woke bloke.
Very good.
Breaking news from whatever.
Newcastle.
Good.
Here’s another one.
A local femme fatale has some rude opinions about a football player’s hair.
What rhymes with quarterback?
Let’s try more general.
Instead, don’t look at football precisely.
Just say more general.
That’s something jocks locks.
Oh, jocks locks.
Fox.
Yes.
Oh, fox mocks jocks locks.
Good.
I had fox knocks jocks locks, but fox mocks jocks locks works just as well.
On a plane, in a train.
Yes.
Okay, let’s try one more.
It seems that an overweight macaque makes for an assistant with real get-up-and-go.
Okay, so Funky Monkey.
No, Monkey.
Donkey Monkey.
He’s overweight.
He’s a little heavy around the middle.
Chunky Monkey.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, ice cream.
Chunky Monkey.
Spunky.
Flunky.
Yes.
Chunky Monkey.
Spunky Flunky.
Chunky Monkey.
Spunky Flunky.
Well, that’s all the news that’s not quite fit to print or even to go out over the radio.
Oh, my goodness, John.
That was a lot of work on both ends.
Thank you so much for putting that together.
What does it take out of you to do one of these quizzes, John?
Just a lot of Cheetos and Coca-Cola, I guess.
Okay.
I need them good.
Thank you, John.
Thanks, Mark.
Thanks, Martha.
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