Naked as a Needle

Hi, you have A Way with Words.

Hi there. This is Gwen Goodner from San Diego.

Hi, Gwen.

Well, hello, Gwen. Welcome to the program.

Thanks.

Well, I had a question about the term naked as a needle. It’s something I’ve used for a number of years. It wasn’t a family term. I’m fairly sure I picked it up from a book I’d read in high school.

They were letting you read about naked needles in high school?

Well, they were letting us read about King Arthur in high school.

He pulled a needle out of the stone?

And my partner thinks it’s a hilarious term and just hates it. Every time I say it, he says, why do you say that? And nobody ever, that’s not a real term. And I’m like, yeah, I think it is. So we kind of have a little bet going.

Oh.

And my recollection of it is that I picked it up from Sir Thomas Mallory’s Le Morte d’Artour.

-huh.

And that it was in the context of Sir Gawain came through the forest where he found a damazel naked as a needle. You know, something like that. So I thought you guys would be the experts and know the answer on this.

And now why does your partner think it’s so funny?

I don’t know. It’s just one of those things he’s like, nobody ever says that. He thinks it’s just obscure and strange.

The inverse of that is interesting to me. Why should you want to speak like everyone else?

Exactly.

Exactly.

Right.

My thought exactly.

Yeah, and jaybirds are boring, right? Naked as a needle is great. Who knows what a naked jaybird is anyway? And it’s very descriptive. I mean, it really makes sense, to me at least.

Yeah, I mean, I don’t hear it in common parlance, but yes, it is really old. It goes back to at least the 14th century.

Well, that would make sense with Mallory.

Right.

And it’s widely used in literature. I mean, it’s definitely something that you’re going to find in print more than you’re going to hear it spoken aloud. But it’s out there. It’s in the wild. People use it in a wide variety of contexts. It almost always means very naked. I don’t know if very naked is kind of like kind of pregnant.

Right.

But it’s out there.

Nothing but the radio on, yeah.

Yeah, and it’s tons of historical texts use this variant because, as you might expect, a book that’s as old as La Morto Arthur is, you know, it’s been read by many millions of people since. So there’s a chance for all of them to pick up that phrase and use it themselves.

Yeah, Gwen, I think we should revive it.

Yeah, I love it.

Take it and go with it.

Well, I’m going to own it now.

Own it. Own it. Now, when’s the next time you’re going to use it?

Oh, I’m not sure. I guess next time I’m naked as a needle.

That’s not now, is it?

No.

Oh.

Okay.

You didn’t ask if that was true for us.

But anyway.

But it’s not naughty. It just simply refers to closelessness, right?

Right.

Yeah.

No, I don’t think it’s an emotional state.

What?

No.

My brain was naked as a needle.

No, I think it could be. She left me and stripped my brain bare. But a needle is naked just simply because it’s a slick, shiny piece of metal, and there’s no, except for the eye, there’s nothing on it, right?

Right.

Use it in good health, Gwen.

Oh, well, I certainly shall. And I should show a little appreciation for the English teacher who introduced me to the book.

Okay, how about a shout-out?

Miss Mary Guadagnola. She’s no longer with us, but she was one of those great English teachers who had the audacity to have an entire semester of Shakespeare literature. Did I say Shakespeare? I meant Arthur. And it was called In Search of Arthur, and we read everything from Sir Goblin and the Green Knight up to Once and Future King. It was a magnificent class.

Oh, how cool, Gwen.

Yeah, a lot of learning occurred during that.

That is so cool.

So she must have had a real passion for it, huh?

Yeah, she really did. She really was an amazing woman.

Yeah, and what’s her name?

Mary Guadagnola.

Guadagnola.

Yeah.

That’s a great name.

Very nicely spoken, sir.

Yeah.

Thanks a lot for calling, Gwen.

Well, thank you.

Okay, take care.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

If you’ve got a tribute to an English teacher who did you right when you were in school, give us a call about that. Or if you’ve got a question about language, slang, punctuation, grammar, words, and weirdness and riddles and things, give us a call, 1-877-929-9673, or send an email to words@waywordradio.org.

Thank you, Mrs. Ash.