Hog Heaven

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, my name is Jackie. I’m in Dallas.

Hiya, Jackie. Welcome to the program.

Thanks. I’m calling about hog heaven.

I walked into my house last week and I looked around at my three cats. It was very cold and they were all snuggled into very warm places. And I said to myself, these cats are in hog heaven. And then I thought it should really be called cat heaven. I mean, if you can see them, you just want to be comfortable as they are. So I just didn’t know, like, why hog heaven? And they just don’t seem like particularly comfortable animals.

You know, when I was a boy, we raised the odd hog here and there and out back of the house once in a while. And I have seen hogs, and they can look as contented as a cat. If you’ve ever seen them deep in a wallow with a trough full of acorns or actually a belly full of acorns and just the right amount of sunlight. Hogs, they know how to relax. They know how to settle down. You don’t want them rubbing up against your leg. No, no, no. They’ll rub your skin raw in about two seconds.

Yeah, but it’s a good question, right? Why would it be hog heaven? Yeah, of all the things about comfort, why hogs? Great question, Jackie. I’m not sure that we know the answer to it besides the idea of the alliteration there. I mean, it’s very appealing. I mean, hog heaven works better than, what, piggy paradise? Yeah. Yeah, hog heaven works really well, right? Yeah, hog heaven. I guess I could imagine myself in a mud pit with a few acorns kicking back. They love acorns. I mean, they really do. It’s one of their favorite foods if they can get them. So it’s good eating for a hog.

But, you know, I’m serious. Martha, you’ve seen hogs, right? They really, they grunt and they’re contented and they squirm down under the mud and they just kind of lay there on their side. They’ll lay there half the day and they’ll do all their business from a prone position if they can because they’re perfectly content.

Wait a minute. All their business from, what is this, the happy hogger? I’m not going to elaborate. I’m just saying business, you know. In air quotes, kind of euphemistic there for all their different business. Yeah, they do like to lie around. I really think that it’s no more complicated than that, Jackie. If you’ve ever seen a contented hog, humans can’t get that contented. We’re not capable of it. We’re always fidgeting and squirming and we’re thinking about too much and always looking for an advantage. And the hog is like, look, I got mugged and slop. I’m all set. And they just flop right down in it.

So I guess that lifestyle explains their body shape. Yeah. And also the human need for bacon. Well, I wish we could have given you a more definitive answer, but I’m kind of liking these images that you two are conjuring of having a holiday. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. All right. Okay, thanks a lot. Thank you. Bye-bye. Take care. Bye-bye. Take care.

We should note for the record that there used to be a town called Hog Heaven Valley in Idaho, but it’s been since renamed. Yeah, and I don’t know if it’s pronounced Moscow or Moscow. Maybe our Idaho listeners can tell us. Well, if a word or phrase is stuck in your craw and you’re wondering about it, give us a call, 1-877-929-9673, or send an email to words@waywordradio.org.