Heretofore Unnamed Superheroes Game

You’re listening to A Way with Words. I’m Martha Barnette.

And I’m Grant Barrett, and we’re joined once again by that wacky, that crazy, that nutty quiz guy, John Chaneski.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey!

What’s up, buddy? How are the kids?

Good. The kids are just great.

You have the loveliest children I think I’ve ever seen except for my own.

Yes, I’d say the three of them together comprise the most beautiful children in the world.

When you’re in public, do you do like I do? You just face them in certain directions so they can cast their glow over the world and make it good?

Oh, sure.

Whatever they’re facing, like, blossoms, right?

It is my duty to show my children to the world and let them spread happiness.

I assume you’ve come here to spread happiness.

Yes, I’ve come to spread happiness by way of puzzles and quizzes, my speciality.

And here we go.

As you guys know, I’m a big fan of comics.

While I read and recommend the mature artistic version of the medium, you know, the work of Chris Ware, Art Spiegelman, Alison Bechdel, I still enjoy the fanboy stuff.

That is the men in tights, good guys versus bad guys, save the world stuff.

Anyway, which is why, while reading my dictionary, as any good word boy should do daily, I discovered a whole treasure trove of heretofore unknown superheroes.

-oh.

Yeah?

Wow.

For example, I discovered a hero who can instantly keep any ship or other seagoing vessel from moving.

Do you know his name?

Anchorman?

Anchorman, that’s right.

Oh, I get it, Anchorman.

Anchorman.

Oh, no.

Do you know what his alter ego does?

Host the news?

He reads the news on TV, that’s right.

Right.

So now we have a superhero and his name and his alter ego.

I like these alter egos.

I’ll give you the powers.

You tell me there are superhero names.

If you need it, I’ll tell you what the alter ego does as an additional clue.

We’ll see.

We tend to need those, so keep those ready.

We’ll see.

I’ll keep them in my back pocket.

Here we go, flying in with superheroes.

This hero can, with mind-numbing speed, put together furniture from Ikea, all without losing a single nut or bolt.

-huh.

And does he also serve as a politician in the state?

His alter ego is also…

At the state level, he’s an assemblyman.

Assemblyman.

Assemblyman can assemble furniture from Ikea, which, moving to a new house, I could certainly use assemblyman’s help.

I wish I had the signal watch for Assemblyman.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Assemblyman to the rescue.

Now, this hero can perform any dance to perfection, but he specializes in the bump, the hustle, and other dances from the disco era.

Oh, no.

It’s not the Walkman, is it?

No, not Walkman, no.

Did I just rumen one of your answers?

No, no, not at all, no.

Now, this hero’s alter ego, sorry to say, likes to hide in closets and scare children.

Oh, the boogeyman.

Boogeyman!

Boogeyman!

Okay.

Here’s the next one.

Thanks.

Now, this one’s a little tricky.

He has the unusual ability of being able to eliminate the barriers between any two yards.

Privets, pickets, chain link, none of these can stand in his way.

Well, we’re talking about fences, right?

Right.

Okay.

His alter ego plays near the goalie on the Manchester United football team.

Defense man?

Defense man!

No, really?

Yes!

I went there.

I did.

And I followed you.

And you followed me there, that’s right.

All right.

I did.

Okay.

Here’s the next one.

Yes.

This hero can take any food item that is past its expiration date, send it back through time, and make it edible again.

His alter ego is in his first year at NYU.

Fresh man.

Fresh man.

Oh, my gosh.

Yum.

This one is also kind of tricky.

This hero is useful if you’re missing one of your shoes.

He can miraculously find the other one no matter where it may be.

Boy?

Is it something boy?

We need a boy here.

Where are the sidekicks here?

If you’re missing any one of two things, he can find the other one.

Because he’s a footman?

You’re close.

Footman?

Is that footman?

No.

It was a pair, and now it needs to be a pair again.

Repairman.

He’s a repairman.

His alter ego fixes Maytag washing machine.

So he has a lot of time to superheroing.

Because Maytag washing machines don’t take a lot of repairing.

Okay, and on that note, up and away.

Goodbye, Grant.

Goodbye, Martha.

Goodbye, John.

That is my superhero quiz for today.

Thank you, Super John.

Thank you, Quizman.

Who was that math quiz guy?

Any comic books that are created as a result of this quiz, I retain the rights.

FYI.

All right. Thank you so much, John.

Thank you, Grant. Thank you, Martha.

If you would like to get on the air with a question about grammar, punctuation, slang, jargon, or what have you, we’re the people to call 1-877-929-9673 or send us an email to words@waywordradio.org.