The Persistent Folk Belief That ‘“Earwigs”’ Crawl Into Human Ears and Lay Eggs in Skulls

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, this is Christy.

I’m calling from a very small hamlet called Eagle Bridge, and it’s in New York. It’s right outside of Cambridge. Eagle Bridge, New York, a small hamlet. I’m thinking of thatched roofs and a little bubbling brook and, like, sheep grazing on the commons.

You got it, except it’s goats.

Oh, goats.

Oh, okay.

Very good.

How can we help you today, Christy?

Well, I, as a child growing up, we always had these insects in our house, and my mother referred to them as earwigs. And as I grew up, I assumed everyone knew what they were called, but I was wrong in assuming that. No one seems to know what these insects are called, and we just moved to this new home, and we had a ton of them while we were cleaning out the windowsills. They would fall out, and I would say, oh, those are earwigs, and show the children and my fiancé and family members that were helping us paint. And everyone laughed and said, no, there isn’t an insect called an ear wig. And what do they go in your ear or do they wear wigs? And so there were lots of jokes about, you know, and as a child, I always thought that they would climb in my ear. And that was what they did. So I’m really unsure. And no one believes me that there is such a thing as an ear wig.

You’re kidding.

No, I’m not kidding. Absolutely. You’re right. You’re 100% right. Be steadfast in your resolve.

Good. Great. I’m always looking right. That always feels nice. Congratulations.

Well, now, Christy, describe for us what these little critters look like.

They’re dark brown, and they have a narrow body, and they almost look like a weasel, but an insect. They’re little and thin. Well, they’re not little. A weasel? Kind of. I don’t know. I know it’s really a weasel-like insect, but, I mean, they’re long and thin, and they don’t have any other structure really except for these long, picture-like objects coming out of their behind area.

Wait, out of their behind?

Yeah, on their backside, like the end of them.

That is absolutely an earwig, yes, yes. Earwig, E-A-R-W-I-G, earwig. Yes, yes. This is not something that you wear on your ear when you want more ear hair.

No, and they don’t make wigs in your ear either.

No, no, no. I mean, there’s all kinds of folklore about them crawling into your ear and eating your brain.

No, and laying eggs inside your skull and hatching.

Yes, and they don’t do any of that, do they?

No, they don’t. It’s all false.

No, no, no. Not to work.

I hope not.

Yeah, the weird part about the word earwig is that wig word, as you pointed out, and it comes from an old English word that sounded something like widget. That just means insect. So it’s an ear insect, and you see similar words in German and French. But the idea is that they crawl into your ear at night and do bad things.

So the wig has nothing to do with the hairpiece?

Nothing.

Oh, very good.

Nothing. They’ve always looked like long fireflies to me without the lights on their butts.

Oh, yeah, that could work too. I bet that’s a lot easier for people to understand that are listening.

And no pincers.

Than the weasel, you know, description. Because that’s a little harder to, they don’t have fur.

What do the other people call it?

They don’t have a name for it.

They don’t.

They do now.

They mock you. They have a paucity vocabulary, and then they deride you for having the word for the thing that they can’t name?

I think earwigs have been eating their brains, obviously.

Thanks for calling. I’m so glad that we were able to help you and validate your vocabulary.

Thanks, and I will continue to rub it in everyone’s faces.

There you go. I was so right. I was so right.

Well, I do say that you could be a sore winner, but okay.

Just for a little while.

Thanks, Christy. I really appreciate it.

Oh, sure. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Thanks.

Call us, 877-929-9673, or send an email to words@waywordradio.org.