Has anyone collected the stuff folks say to bald people? How about a busy road grows no grass, or God only made so many perfect heads — the rest he covered in hair. Jorge Luis Borges deemed the 1982 Falklands War between the UK and Argentina as “a fight between two bald men over a comb.” This is part of a complete episode.
Transcript of “What People Say to Baldies”
You’re listening to A Way with Words, the show about language and how we use it.
I’m Martha Barnette.
And I’m Grant Barrett.
I was reminded again this week that in English we have a lot of these cute little phrases that we use to exchange words with strangers.
Things that we say like, hot enough for you, or have a nice day.
But the thing that they say to me now, now that I keep my head basically bald, is things about my baldness.
I was at an outdoor concert here in San Diego, beautiful weather, but sunny, so I put some sunscreen on the top of my head, which is basically bald.
Yeah, that’s a good idea. Good practice.
And a fellow comes up to me and asks to borrow the sunscreen, and then he said to me something like, what was on top has left, and I can’t get it back. What’s on my back is all that’s left.
To which I replied, a busy road grows no grass.
And then he replied, it’s a solar panel for a sex machine.
And so it turns out, if you Google this, there are a ton of these expressions that bald people become accustomed to saying.
Because people can’t stop commenting on the state of your head.
On your chrome dome.
It’s the male equivalent of being pregnant.
They can’t not say anything.
They feel compelled.
Do they want to help?
What I should have said, and this is one of my favorites, God only made so many perfect heads, the rest he covered in hair.
So there’s a ton of this stuff.
Well, Grant, are you considering going to the Bald is Beautiful convention in Moorhead, North Carolina?
Moorhead City?
I’m not committed to making it a lifestyle.
It’s just my hair.
I don’t invest a lot of personality into my hair.
But I wanted to share a quote with you that I found when I was Googling bald expressions and bald funny lines.
And this is from Jorge Luis Borges, who was talking about the 1982 Falklands War between the U.K. and Argentina.
And he said, it’s a fight between two bald men over a comb.
Oh, that borehase. That’s perfect.
I’d love to hear your expressions, the things that you say when people comment on your baldness or anything else about your body, when they talk about your height or your shortness or your pregnancy.
You have these pat expressions. Pass them along.
