When Words are Hard to Recall

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, my name is Sarah Burkhalter, and I live in Rockwell, Texas.

Hi, Sarah. Welcome.

Hey, Sarah. What’s up?

So back in September, I hit my head and fractured my skull. And because of that, I have what’s called verbal apraxia and speech aphasia, which means I have a tendency to either forget words in the middle of trying to say them, or the motor skills from my brain to my mouth don’t connect, and then I can’t verbalize the word. Like I physically can’t say it. And so it happens a lot when I’m at work because I’m more prone to it when I’m stressed out. And I was just wondering if there was an easier way to explain it to people other than forgetting words because it’s not quite the same as just forgetting a word.

No, it doesn’t. Is this something that you expect to get better over time, or is this a lifelong condition from here on out?

I have some coping mechanisms, and it’s gotten easier, but I don’t know if it’s permanent or not.

How do you cope?

Well, I usually run through quick synonyms and antonyms of the word that I’m forgetting, and then I can usually come up with it. A lot of the times people help me out by offering suggestions, and usually that can trigger remembering the word. But sometimes it’s just gone, and I don’t remember it until a couple of days later.

Interesting. And Sarah, is this a job where you have to work with the public and communicate with people a whole lot?

Yes. I’m a teller at a credit union, so I work with the public all day long.

So you have a lot of specialized language.

Yes, it is. But is it everyday words or is it the jargon? Is there a class of words that seems to escape you more readily?

I mean, it’s completely random. So a few weeks ago, I was taking a member of their receipt from a transaction, and I forgot the word deposit. And I felt really dumb for getting it. And as I was handing them the receipt, I was like, here’s your receipt for your… And the member was like, deposit? And they were really confused. And it’s kind of embarrassing sometimes when it’s really easy words like that.

I’m sorry. That sounds really tough for you.

Yeah, frustrating. It can be. It can be.

And what’s the short way? Because you don’t want to give somebody… Like, you’ve just given us your full story. You can’t do that every single time. And in that particular case…

No. I try to explain it like, oh, I just forget words sometimes. And everyone’s like, oh, I always forget words. It happens to me all the time. But it doesn’t, I think it’s undercutting it. Like they don’t really understand how hard it can be and how embarrassing it is sometimes.

Yeah. I’m looking inside myself and thinking, how would I react to that? And I’ve got to say, you’re handling this with exceptional grace. I don’t know that everyone else in the world could have a public-facing job and not like, you know, after week one demand that the boss give them a job behind the scenes. Because it must be a constant reminder that there’s something not quite right.

Yeah, it’s different. Because what’s frustrating is because I remember being so eloquent with my words before I hit my head. And now afterwards, sometimes I struggle and it can be really tough sometimes.

Reminds me a little bit of speaking in a second or third language.

I was going to say the same thing. Where the complex thoughts that you have come out childish and you just know you haven’t done them justice in that second or third language.

Yeah, but you do find ways to word around it. I mean, that’s one of the things that they try to get you to do in foreign language classes is never revert to your native language, but find a creative way to word your way around it. And it sounds like you’re doing exactly that.

But what to say, that’s the question, how to describe it.

I’m afraid I can’t come up with anything better than you. There’s a number of different words, most of them really archaic or rare, that mean to have a word on the tip of your tongue or to pursue a word that you can’t remember with a lot of energy. But they’re all needing their own explanations, and none of them will work for this situation.

Sarah, you’re so articulate, though. I’m wondering what it is about that particular need to explain to somebody. What do you want to communicate to them?

I had an injury and now I have difficulty with words?

I just don’t want anyone to think less of me because of my inability.

You know what? I don’t have an answer for you, but I want to thank you for your honesty in sharing this story with us. And maybe I suspect that we will have people in the audience who can come up with the non-medical verbal apraxia or aphasia. Those are words that most of us don’t know. But maybe somebody out there has already been through this and will have a word for us or an expression for us or even just comfort. But maybe the only answer is just knowing that other people have gone through this.

I don’t know.

Yeah, Sarah, thanks for reminding us that there may be something else going on. You know, my dad always said, always be kind to people. You never know what burdens they’re carrying. And I think this is a great example of it.

Well, thank you so much for giving me some comfort that it’s not just me.

No, it’s not. And we’ll throw this out to the whole audience, and we will find out if there’s another way to explain this easily so you don’t have to tell the whole story. We’ll find it. All right?

All right. Thank you so much, Martha and Grant. I appreciate it.

Sure, thanks, Sarah. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.