No Wergeld for the Winner of This Were-Quiz

You’re listening to A Way with Words, the show about language and how we use it.

I’m Martha Barnette.

And I’m Grant Barrett.

And coming in the door, waving semaphore flags, spelling out, help me, it’s our quiz guy, John Janeski.

I think the Beatles got their idea from me. I just want to say it.

You’re legendary. Had to be you. I’m perfectly fine. Let me put these flags down.

I like to think a little of your language expertise has rubbed off on me. Sometimes people will ask me things like, is this a real word? And, of course, I’m happy to say if it’s a series of sounds that officially get an idea across to anyone else, it’s a word.

Except for spooktacular. That’s not a word. Every year on Halloween, it’s spooktacular this. No, that’s not a word.

I know a lot of newspaper ads that would disagree.

I know. Now, in that vein, vein, spooky, get it? I know you know that a person who was bitten by a werewolf becomes a werewolf. But did you know that a werewolf that is bitten by a nurse practitioner becomes a care wolf?

Oh. No, I didn’t know that.

It’s true. It’s as true as anything else. Now, I want you to identify for me the following wolves. Ready?

Okay. Okay.

If a werewolf is bitten by a stunt performer, like Evil Knievel, it takes on any challenge and becomes a…

Dare wolf.

Dare wolf. A dare wolf. That’s my middle name, dare wolf.

I saw it on your driver’s license that time. If a werewolf is bitten by a nerd, maybe one from the 1950s, it becomes instantly out of step with the culture and becomes a…

Squarewolf.

Werewolf. You make that little sign with your fingers. Squarewolf.

If a werewolf is bitten by a nudist, well, you know, he avoids textiles, and no surprise here, it becomes a…

Derriere wolf.

A derriere wolf. A bear wolf, I think, is what you’re looking for.

A bear wolf, yes. It’s spelled B-E-A-R-E wolf. There’s B-E-A-R wolf. It’s probably a… Never mind.

Now, of course, it’s always good to have an extra werewolf as backup, because in that case you have what’s called…

A spare wolf.

A spare wolf, yes. If a werewolf is bitten by a nepo baby, well, it’s set for life with that sweet inheritance. It becomes an…

Air wolf.

H-E-I-R, not the TV show. Not the TV show. Not the helicopter, no.

These last few add a little bit syllabically, okay? Maybe the worst of the wolves. If a werewolf is bitten by a salesman, it’ll try to sell you annual vacations at a resort. It’s a hard sell, but it becomes a…

Timeshare wolf.

Timeshare wolf. Oh, nice. Oh, get away from those.

Finally, if a werewolf is bitten by an IT guy, it instantly gains the ability to code in C++ and becomes a…

A software wolf?

A software wolf, yes. Oh, goodness.

Now, by the way, if anyone out there is looking for a fun group costume, the previous answers are all available. But, you know, give me some credit. Be a fair wolf.

I’m starting to change in ways that feel a little weird. So I’m going to get on my Semaphore bike and get out of here.

Before you become an on-the-air wolf.

An on-the-air wolf. Oh, nice.

And if you want to talk about any aspect of language whatsoever, you know where wolf to call. 877-929-9673 or send your thoughts to words@waywordradio.org.