Debbie from Memphis, Tennessee, grew up in Arkansas, where she learned the term trade-last, which refers to “a quoted compliment offered in return for the recipient first offering one to the speaker.” Although those from the American South may remember this practice as a sweet, harmless interaction, writer Nora Ephron, in her book I Remember Nothing (Bookshop|Amazon) describes a trade-last or T.L. as “a strange, ungenerous, and seriously narcissistic way of telling someone a nice thing that has been said about them.” This is part of a complete episode.
Transcript of “A Trade-Last Expects a Compliment in Return”
Hello, you have A Way with Words.
Hello.
Hi, who’s this?
Hi, this is Debbie Smith calling from Memphis, Tennessee.
Hello, Debbie. Welcome to the show.
Well, I’m calling about the expression trade last. This was an expression that was used when I was probably mid to late teenager. I grew up in northeast Arkansas, fairly close to Jonesboro, a little town called Tuckerman. And at some point, my family started using this expression, and I had completely forgotten about it until I was reading a book recently and saw it in there. This was a Nora Ephron book. I remember nothing.
So she was talking about another woman having used that expression, and she said it is a strange, ungenerous, and seriously narcissistic way to tell someone a nice thing that has been said about them.
Wow.
Was that your experience of it growing up?
Well, yeah. So it was kind of like a little game that you played. So if you heard a compliment about a friend or a relative, then you would go to them and you would say, I have a trade last for you. Meaning they had to tell you something nice that they had heard about you before you would tell them the nice thing that you had heard about them. It devolved into the point where if someone hadn’t heard anything, they would just sort of make something up.
Huh. In order to get their compliment, huh?
Yeah. In order to hear what you had heard about them.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I thought y’all might know the history of it.
It’s got some history. It goes back to at least the late 19th century. I mean, I’ve always thought of it as this sweet little game. It sounds like Nora Ephron maybe didn’t think it was so sweet. But I mean, you know, it’s finding something nice to say about somebody. It’s gone by lots of different names. Sometimes people call it a last go trade or Alaskan trade even. It’s sort of a mishearing of last go trade or lasso trade even, which I like, too, because you sort of get this mental picture of somebody lassoing a compliment. But you don’t hear it that much.
You know, I think the last time I had a conversation about a trade last, it was with a dear friend of mine who’s in her late 80s now. I don’t hear people talking about it today. I mean, I don’t recall too many of my contemporaries using it, but my family, some of the older women in my family used it. I think you’re right that it’s a part of the parlance of an older generation, and I think it’s a lovely little heirloom.
Well, it was fun. Did you have a chance, Debbie, to teach it to a younger generation?
I have not yet, but now that I have recalled it, I might try doing that with my grandnieces and nephews. Might have a chance. One more generation. So start thinking up those compliments about Debbie, y’all.
I’m sure they don’t have to think very hard, Debbie. Debbie, thank you so much for your call, and thanks for the memories.
Okay, thank you.
Take care now.
Bye-bye.
Be well.
Okay, bye-bye.
Thank you.
