That Don’t Make ’Em Biscuits

Welcome to A Way with Words.

Hi, this is Max Oldershaw calling from Sacramento, California.

Hello, Max. Welcome to the show.

What can we do for you, Max?

Well, I have a question about a long type of donut that I’ve heard called a couple different things. Some people refer to it as a long john. Other people refer to it as a maple bar or a chocolate bar. And the specific type of donut I’m describing is made of donut dough. It’s long and it’s frosted on top, but there’s nothing in the middle. I grew up in San Diego, and down there we called them exclusively long johns. But then when I looked online, it said that the American West Coast actually generally refers to them as bar donuts. And then some places also refer to eclairs as long johns as well. So just wanted to call up and see if you guys could shed some light on the origin of the term, on kind of the geographic locations of who uses what and, yeah, basically why things are the way they are with regard to this particular delicious dessert.

Okay, a warning for our listeners. We’re about to talk about food words, and people get really testy and opinionated when it comes to food words because one word in one part of the country means something very different in another part of the country.

That’s true.

Okay, warning over. Long Johns, Martha. What were they in Louisville?

This is totally a new one on me. I see in the Dictionary of American Regional English that the term Long John or Longy is distributed in the upper Mississippi Valley, the upper Midwest, the Plains states and Michigan. And apparently here in San Diego. I haven’t heard that.

But Max, bar donut? How boring is that?

Yeah, I agree. And, you know, I honestly, I’d never heard of people calling it bar donuts before I went to the East Coast, which is basically the opposite of what the books say. So I was very confused when I read that. I can also tell you that maple bar and maple stick are pretty much limited to the West for this same kind of pastry. But they’d have to have maple on them to be a maple bar.

Yes, yes.

And do we know the origin of why it’s called a long john?

Well, I think that it’s sort of like other terms like long johns for underwear. I mean, it’s just something that happens to be long. And so John is just kind of a generic placeholder for a noun then.

Yeah.

Did you have some other hypothesis about that?

No, I looked it up. And obviously most of the stuff on Long John’s online really referred to the underwear. And so I got a bunch of background on that, but couldn’t figure out why the donut would be called that as well. It’s something that happens to be long, notably long.

So the point of contention here that I’ve heard the most is whether or not long johns are filled. Some people argue about that they should not be filled. Some people say they’re filled but only with custard or cream. If you put jelly in them, they’re not long johns anymore. Some people say if they’re filled, then they’re eclairs. Some people say eclairs are something different. They’re only the Frenchie fried things with the little crispy edges, and it’s very complicated.

So, Max, what’s your position on that?

Well, so I actually don’t know what it would be called if it’s filled but then still made out of doughnut dough because I’ve just never I’ve never come across that before. To me, an eclair is a filled long doughnut, but it’s made out of a different type of pastry. And then any sort of long bar style doughnut would be called a long john.

Okay. Okay. And does it have icing?

Definitely has icing.

Okay. Well, you know what? We’re going to hear from a lot of people with a lot of opinions, I’m sure. Donut words. Yeah. Can we leave our postal address and people can just, you know, deliver.

So just schedule these out. Donut deliveries, one a day for the next 52 weeks.

All right.

Well, I assume we’ll get to the bottom of it then. We appreciate the call, Max.

Take care.

Great talking to you guys. Love the show. And thanks so much.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

So Long John’s, they’re yeast dough, right?

I think so.

Icing on top and filling maybe.

Yeah.

Yeah, that’s probably, you know, a point of contention. I was searching our email. We got an email a while back from another listener, Tom in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. He said he grew up there in the 40s and 50s. And he said he knew of a place that called them Chicago Donuts. And he remembers it from one bakery in town, but he’s not sure he’s ever heard it outside of Oshkosh. And he wondered if Chicago Donuts as a term for Long John’s was more widespread. So I thought I would throw that in there, too, and see if anyone else has ever heard of Long John’s being called, quote, Chicago Donuts.

So anyway, we’re interested. What’s it long, John, to you? How would you define it? And do you have other names for them?

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