Stephen King One-Letter Different Word Game

You’re listening to A Way with Words, the show about language and how we use it.

I’m Martha Barnette.

And I’m Grant Barrett, and here he is in a top hat and tails, looking like he’s stepped out of a steampunk novel.

It’s our quiz guy, John Chanesky.

Yeah, ironically, I stepped out of a steam bath, and that’s terrible for the top hat. It’s really, you don’t want that.

But nevertheless…

You’re leaving a trail.

I know, I’m so sorry, I apologize.

You guys are familiar, of course, with Stephen King. Stephen King, the author who has written dozens of novels. But how many of you know about his annoying doppelganger, Stephen Kong? Now, Stephen Kong, yeah, you know where we’re going. Stephen Kong hasn’t written quite as many books, but that’s just because he gets his ideas by stealing King titles and changing just one letter. For example, Stephen Kong took Stephen King’s book about a writer with writer’s block, Bag of Bones, and he changed it to be about a financier with a briefcase full of debt securities, and he called it Bag of Bonds.

Gotcha.

Not as good.

Not quite as good as a book.

No, not as interesting.

I’ll describe the Stephen Kong novel. If it’s needful, I’ll give clues to the Stephen King novel from which it was adapted.

Okay?

Okay.

Here we go.

Now, Kong’s first novel details the harsh high school and terrible prom of the author who created Peter Pan.

Brr.

Barry?

What’s that?

Barry?

Yes, Barry.

Yes, Barry.

B-A-R-R-I-E.

Barry.

Instead of Carrie.

Instead of Carrie.

As J.M. Barry created Peter Pan.

Very good.

While Stephen King’s big novel was about a community of noble people versus an awful, sinful society in Las Vegas, Stephen Kong’s book was about a third group in a town where everybody was respectable, but also quiet and unadventurous and solemn.

So The Stand becomes…

The Stade?

The Stade, yes.

The Stade.

There’s actually not many words you can change The Stand to.

The Stade is it.

I don’t want to read a book about The Stade.

One of Stephen Kong’s creepiest antagonists is a retired nurse who traps several characters in her cabin, including Ebenezer Scrooge, Scrooge McDuck, Silas Marner, Hedy Green, and other famous penny pinchers.

Oh, heck.

Oh.

I’m your biggest fan, John.

Oh, what do you got for me, Martha?

Yeah, me too.

Misers.

Misers, yes.

She changed the line. Doesn’t she say I’m your biggest fan? Instead of misery.

I’m your biggest fan, that’s right.

From misery to misers.

Now, while Kong writes longhand in ink, it annoys his wife to no end. He never throws out his writing implements when he’s done with them. He just tosses them in a cup on his desk, like we all do.

Maybe he’s hoping he’ll come back to life in his novel about revived office supplies.

What?

So it’s about the car. What was the book with the car that comes out?

No, not the car.

Oh, Pet Cemetery.

Oh, Pet…

Pen.

Pen Cemetery.

Penn Cemetery.

Hands up.

How many people have a Penn Cemetery on their desk?

Oh, my gosh.

Finally, Arnold Schwarzenegger starred in the film adaptation of King’s novel about a deadly game show. But Arnold Schwarzenegger starred in Kong’s novel about a dad who simply will not stop making wordplay-based jokes.

Horrifying.

The punning man instead of the running man.

You guys did very well in that sort of literature-based quiz.

Yeah, no, you did really well. Thank you. Good job. Thanks, John. And if you’d like to talk with us about any aspect of language whatsoever, we’d love to hear from you. Call us 877-929-9673, or send those questions and observations to words@waywordradio.org.