Quizzam and Snirt: Slang Blends for a Test and Snow Mixed with Dirt

You’re listening to A Way with Words. I’m Grant Barrett.

And I’m Martha Barnette, and it’s time for Slang This, our puzzle about slang.

Today’s contestant is Gary Macy in Santa Clara, California.

Gary, welcome!

Thank you so much.

How are you doing?

Hi, Gary. What’s going on?

Well, pretty good. It’s warm and sunny here, as it usually is in California.

Yeah?

Yeah, we’re enjoying that very much.

And so what are you doing there?

Well, actually, at the moment I am sitting in my office. I teach medieval history at Santa Clara University.

Oh, awesome.

Okay.

Yes, it is.

That’s pretty cool.

So you’re translating Latin or something and taking a break?

Yeah, that’s it.

You know, it’s knights and saving ladies in distress from dragons and things like that.

Oh, cool.

Cool.

Well, Gary, as you know, to get past door number one in this challenge, we like to ask you what your favorite slang expression is. Do you have one for us?

I do.

The one that I use a lot, I used to be in administration when I turned to the dark side, but I’ve since been cured of that. But when I was in administration, I used to make piles on my desk of all of the different things that came in. And my favorite pile was the NMP file.

NMP?

Yeah, not my problem.

And that was one of my favorite expressions. And I would just write NMP, NMP, NMP. And then I could forget about it. It was something about which I could do nothing or about which I wish to do nothing.

Right, right.

So NMP is one of my absolute favorite expressions.

Gary, that’s nice.

I’m going to borrow that one.

Me too.

I was going to say I’m going to steal it.

I don’t know where it comes from or even if it comes from me. I have no idea. I just like it.

But it’s not your problem.

That’s exactly it.

Who cares where it comes from? Or, you know, a question for you in any case. I’m going to add that to round file and file 13. This is kind of the appropriate places for things that aren’t my problem.

Wonderful.

Okay.

Well, Gary, we’re going to go on to your next challenge. Grant is going to present you with a slang term, and he’ll give you three possible examples of how it might be used in a sentence. Now, only one of those is real, and the other two are something he just made up. So, Gary, your task will be to choose which one of those three is actually the slang term. You got it?

I think so.

Okay.

Grant, it’s your problem.

All right.

Here we go.

The first word is quizam, Q-U-I-Z-Z-A-M, quizam. All right?

Okay.

And the first clue is, on my first trip to Turkey, I made a horrible faux pas. I stepped into the quizam without taking my shoes off first. All of the worshippers looked at me like I was leaving fiery footprints of hellfire.

The second clue. I aced all the quizams in trig class. They may take longer to do than quizzes, but they’re easier than midterm exams.

And the third clue. You better put a quizam under the leg of that table or else you’ll spill your drink.

So which one is it? Is it A, a place of worship in Turkey? Is it B, a test that is harder than a quiz but easier than an exam? Or is it C, something that props up the leg of wobbly furniture?

Wow, Gary, what do you think?

Well, I actually think it’s number two, but I’m not going to go with that because I’m wrong so often. So I think I’m going to go with number three because I wish it was that even if it isn’t.

You wish that you had a name for the things that you shove under the legs of wobbly tables.

Exactly.

It is the second one, though. It’s quiz plus exam.

Oh, I should know that. I’m a college professor. I give them all the time.

It’s not that common. I mean, it’s slang. Not everyone knows all slang, so you’re forgiven. But quiz plus exam, it’s not quite a pop quiz where you get five questions and you’re done in ten minutes. But yet it’s not like a really honors exam that you spend hours on and you, you know, affects your grade for the semester.

So, quizam.

I thought it might have been a superhero. Shazam. I’m a nerdy superhero.

Well, Gary, maybe you’ll have to start giving quizams to your students.

Yeah, I can start next week. They’ll love me.

Yeah, just tell them it’s an old Roman tradition and they’ll suck it right up.

All right, here’s the second one. This word is snirt, S-N-I-R-T, snirt. And the first clue is, every stuntman knows the snirt. It’s where you’re just standing there, alone, doing nothing, and then you do a faceplant like you’ve been hit from behind.

The second clue, a certain 1970s actor is known for wearing a snirt. If the word ever got out that his hairy good looks were aided by one of those matching toupee and mustache combos, then his publicist would have her work cut out for her.

And then the third clue. The pretty snow lasts for about ten minutes, then automobiles churn the snow and dirt into snert.

So, Gary, which is it? Is it A, a pratfall that appears to have no cause? Is it B, a full set of fake hair for the head and face? Or is it C, a mixture of snow and dirt?

Oh, it’s got to be three. Because I lived in Wisconsin for, grew up, I was born and lived in Wisconsin for many, many years. And that’s exactly what it is. If it isn’t it, it should be it.

You’re right.

You’re right.

And all of Wisconsin is shouting at the radio. Snort, snort, snort, snort, snort.

Absolutely.

It’s a simple one, snow and dirt. And if you notice, there’s a little bit of a pattern there in the two questions today. They’re both blends where they take two words and they mix them together and make a second word.

Anyway, thanks for playing, Gary. It was a lot of fun.

We won’t tell your students that you got a 50%.

Did I get anything?

No.

Do you get anything?

You absolutely do, Gary. Get this. We’re going to send you a copy of Grant’s book. It’s called The Oxford Dictionary of American Political Slang. Perfect for an election year, right?

I was only kidding, but that’s wonderful. I know that book. I like it very much.

Oh, you already have it?

No, I don’t have it, but I’ve used it, and I know it. And I was only kidding. I mean, just being on a show is satisfaction enough and should be for anyone.

All right.

Well, there we go.

Well, you’re getting a book anyway, whether you like it or not.

I like it.

All right, Gary. Well, thanks for playing.

Well, thank you very much.

Thank you, Gary.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

And if you’d like to play our slang game on the air, just give us a call. The number is 1-877-929-9673. Or you can send us an email to words@waywordradio.org.