Puddle and Hang Paper

You’re listening to A Way with Words. I’m Grant Barrett.

And I’m Martha Barnette. And it’s time for Slang This, our weekly puzzle about slang.

Today’s contestant is Daniel Simon from Vista, California. Welcome, Daniel.

Hello.

Hello, Daniel.

Hi, Grant.

Well, Daniel, as you know, to get past door number one in this challenge, you have to share your favorite slang expression with us. So what would that be?

I like the term sticky wicket.

Sticky wicket, the cricket term.

Yeah.

British term, right?

Yeah, as far as I understand it is, yeah.

Yeah. Now, why do you like that term?

I think it’s a good term for when you have one of those tragically not tragic situations, like you’ve locked your keys in the car, and I know my fiancée is across town with my spare set. So I have to call her and tell her that I’m in a bit of a sticky wicket, and I need her to come home and let me into my car.

So it gets you out of little situations like that.

Yeah, usually I hope so.

So that’s the way you sweet talk her with the term sticky wicket?

Oh, yeah. She loves it every time.

Okay.

She’s doing a fake British accent.

Darling.

I have a problem.

Well, Daniel, darling, your next challenge is going to come when Grant gives you a slang term. He’s going to give you three possible examples of how that slang term might be used in a sentence. Only one of those is real, and the other two are something that came out of Grant’s fevered brain.

So, Daniel, your task is going to be to choose which one of those really is a slang term. You got it?

I got it.

Okay, Grant, hold forth.

Daniel, here we go with the first slang word, and it is the word puddle, P-U-D-D-L-E, but it’s probably not the puddle that you’re thinking of, all right?

Okay.

The first clue is, that’s the sound of your car’s puddle. Sure, it’s noisy, but without that little thingamajigger inside your muffler, there’s no catalytic conversion.

All right, here’s clue number two. Diana Ross’s costume changes moved quickly. The careful puddles of her stunning outfits were lined up so she could step into them, and stylist could fasten them in just seconds.

And then here’s the third clue. I’m Larry, your new HR person. I’m also in charge of the puddle. So if you want coffee in the break room, you better put a couple bucks in the puddle can every week, or there’ll be none.

So which one is it, Daniel? Is it A, the device in an auto muffler that sometimes makes popping noises? Is it B, a carefully arranged heap of clothing an actor steps into during a split-second costume change? Or is it C, a kitty of collected funds that pays for the little shared extras in the workplace?

Oh, I like the third one, but I’ve never heard that when I’ve ever been at work anywhere.

No, you don’t have a Larry, the HR person.

No, no.

I’ve heard of the kitty and things like that, but never a puddle.

I kind of like option number two because I kind of get this image of clothes on the floor like in a puddle of fabric.

Yeah, is that what you’re going to go with?

That’s what I’m going to go with, number two.

Yes, that’s it. As a matter of fact, it’s exactly right. It’s a theater term for the pile of clothes. And actually, it’s not just the pile. It’s carefully arranged. So she just steps in the place where her feet go. They yank it up her body, zip it up the back, make sure everything’s tucked in and send her right back out.

I’ve seen this where it looks like the star is only stepping off the stage for seconds, and they come back out with a completely different outfit. They go out like Elvis and come in like Carmen Miranda, you know?

I’m going to try that in my bedroom. Just have these carefully arranged piles. That’s how I’m going to start describing them.

Yeah, we’ll post the pictures on the website. Let us know more.

Nicely done, Daniel. Here’s number two, and we only have two words to guess today, all right? This one’s a phrase. It’s hang paper to hang paper, H-A-N-G-P-A-P-E-R. Hang paper.

And the first clue. The SEC came down on us hard for hanging paper on our Sarbanes-Oxley records. They could tell that we faked weeks of security checks.

Okay. Number two. Kite flying in Pakistan is a serious pastime. Any street can have dozens of kids all trying to hang paper without getting their lovely constructions caught on power lines.

And then the third clue. Trumpet players in a brass band have a tradition of hanging paper on other brass players by switching out their sheet music for something absurd like, how much is that doggie in the window?

So of the three clues, is it A, to falsify records of work supposedly done? Is it B, to fly a kite? Or is it C, to switch a musician’s sheet music as a prank?

And I should explain that Sarbanes-Oxley in the first clue, that’s a horrific federal requirement that firms that are publicly traded keep these very detailed records of everything that happens in their electronic arena. It’s horrible.

Oh, good. I thought it was a punk rock band. They call it Socks or Sarbox for short.

Well, I play trumpet, and I never use the term hang paper.

Have you ever done it?

No.

Trumpets are a little too self-conceited to even deal with anyone else.

That’s true.

That’s true. If they had their way, there would only be trumpets in the brass section, right?

Exactly. We’re in the band in general, I think.

So the first one was the falsified records one.

Right. The first one, A, is to falsify records of work supposedly done. B, is to fly a kite. And C, is a musician’s prank.

Well, hang paper sounds like it could make sense with the kite, because like hanging 10 when you surf. But the first one, hang paper, like, I don’t know. I kind of like A.

Yeah?

Yeah, so many documents out there, and everyone has to do everything on it. I could see where that could come from.

Well, you know, Daniel, you’re the guy.

That’s correct. It is hanging paper. And you find this term come up again and again in fraud cases, and it’s often used by the people who are hanging the paper. It’s not something the police are using. The people who are committing the crime kind of do it as a way of euphemizing their illegal acts.

Oh.

So nice work, Daniel. You’ve got two for two, Paul and a hanged paper. You’re a slang pro. I’ll send you your merit badge in the mail.

All right.

All right. You got out of that sticky wicket just fine. And, hey, Daniel, for playing Slang This today, we’re going to send you a copy of Grant’s book. It’s called The Oxford Dictionary of American Political Slang.

Oh, I’m very excited.

I can tell.

Yeah, I really like that.

Thanks for playing.

Thank you.

I love the show.

Thanks, Daniel.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

And if you’d like to play our slang game on the air, give us a call. The number is 1-877-929-9673. Or send us an email to words@waywordradio.org.