One-Star Reviews Quiz

You’re listening to A Way with Words, the show about language and how we use it. I’m Grant Barrett.

And I’m Martha Barnette. And joining us now from New York City is John Chaneski, our quiz guy. Hey, John.

Hey, Martha. Hey, Grant.

How you doing, buddy?

Things are beautiful here in New York. So I’ve been walking around, and while I walked around, I came up with this quiz for you guys.

Great.

Here it is.

You know, not one book on Amazon.com with more than a handful of reviews has five stars. Everything is hated by someone.

Here are a few excerpts from actual one-star reviews of classic novels on Amazon. See if you can guess the book. Are you ready?

Sure.

I did not find a point to this book at all. Yes, it’s kind of cool about the time travel, but more than anything, I had a hard time following it cohesively. One paragraph, Billy is at war in 1945, and the next he’s at his daughter’s wedding being abducted by aliens.

I can appreciate a weird book as much as the next guy, but I don’t see what all the hype is about with this book.

Wow.

Sounds like a Vonnegut book to me.

That’s right.

I need a little more specific than that. You know, the Vonnegut book.

I love that Vonnegut book. The one guy.

Not, oh.

They made it into a movie.

Yes, they did. It has a number in the title.

Slaughterhouse.

What was it, Chris?

Slaughterhouse Five.

Slaughterhouse Five is correct.

Yes, way to go.

My impression is that it is a farce written for the pleasure of young women, with just enough politics and class distinctions to make it notable to critics, but represents nothing significant in terms of historical importance.

Oh, my gosh.

That could be so many things.

Pride and Prejudice.

Yeah, it’s Pride and Prejudice.

Here we go.

That’s it. The first one that comes to mind.

Which Austen novel should I mention?

Yeah.

That’s it.

All right.

How about this one?

He’s a 16-year-old with the lifestyle of a 26-year-old, thinking and behaving like an immature 12-year-old. Yeah, he makes the occasional intelligent comment, but the book doesn’t even have a plot, okay?

Right.

Catcher in the Rye?

Catcher in the Rye is right, yes.

This book was not a page-turner for me. The story just dragged on and on about nonsense. I guess if you were interested in crazy people, this is the book for you.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest?

Yes, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

I’m glad you got that one because just the clue crazy people isn’t quite enough.

No, yeah, that’s good. Good catch.

I’m a science fiction reader and very much enjoy them. This book was a very poorly written Vonnegut wannabe. I am not sure what the plot was. The attempted humor was flat. I will not go on and on. Just was not a good book in any way for me.

Is it one of the Douglas Adams books?

Yes, it is.

Is it the first one, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

Yes, it is.

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. This person just did not get it. I didn’t want to go on. Attempted humor was flat.

Wow, yeah, they missed it, didn’t they?

Yeah.

Could not even get halfway through the book. Hawthorne had A Way with Words, but his story making is terrible.

Mark Twain wrote that review, right?

No.

I just included it because it said A Way with Words in it.

That’s great.

So I’m guessing the Scarlet Letter?

Yes, it is the Scarlet Letter.

Very good.

Finally, I was told this was about fishing. It’s not because a whale is a mammal.

That was got to be fake.

Oh, that’s an actual review.

That’s fantastic.

Moby Dick.

Yes, it’s Moby Dick.

Thanks, John. I really appreciate the quiz this week.

Thanks, Grant.

Thanks, Martha.

Talk to you next time.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Well, you know, we like to goof around here. If you’d like to goof around with us, give us a call, 877-929-9673, email words@waywordradio.org, and you can find us on Twitter under the handle Wayword, W-A-Y-W-O-R-D.