No U Quiz

You’re listening to A Way with Words, the show about language and how we use it.

I’m Grant Barrett.

And I’m Martha Barnette.

And joining us on the line from New York is our quiz guy, John Chaneski.

Hi, John.

Hey, Martha.

Hi, Grant.

Are you guys well today?

Yeah, you?

Yeah.

Good.

All set.

Yeah, I’ve got a nice little quiz for you.

I think you’ll like it.

This quiz is based on a little bit of language history.

Now, the story goes that Noah Webster, in an attempt to wrest control of the English language from the British ruling class, wrote three books about grammar, reading, and spelling.

Now, it’s because of him that the word honor in America, H-O-N-O-U-R, is spelled in America H-O-N-O-R.

You know that, right?

Yes.

About his book about spelling.

Indeed.

Now, I like to think, though, that he just had a strange vendetta against the letter U.

Now, in my alternate timeline, Webster has gone wild and removed all the U’s from words.

So, thanks to him, I no longer live in a building meant for human habitation.

I live in a flexible tube for carrying water.

Where did I live?

In a house.

Where do I live now?

A hoose.

In a hose.

A hose.

Now we’re taking out the U.

Oh, dear.

All right?

Got it?

Here we go.

Now I’ll describe this.

I’ll call it Webster World.

I’ll describe this Webster World situation.

You tell me both halves of the answer, and I’ll lead you to it.

Here we go.

In Webster World, overthrowing a government doesn’t take a sudden violent seizure, but instead, a single police officer can do it alone.

It used to take a…

Coup.

Coup, and now all you need is a…

Cop.

A cop, yeah.

Just call a police officer and you got it.

In Webster World, it does no good to fish for a creature in the salmon family.

Instead, we take the horse out for a slightly fast run.

We used to catch a…

Trout.

Trout, and now we go for a…

Trot.

Trot, yes, indeed.

Well done.

In Webster World, we no longer march to make people aware of an issue we believe in.

Instead, we’ve all been given a velvet-lined container to hold our valuables.

We used to march for a…

Cause.

Cause, and now we all have a…

Case.

Case. Nice.

In Webster World, you no longer treat a wound by wrapping it in a thin fabric of loosely woven cotton.

Instead, you just stare at it intensely.

You no longer use…

Gauze.

Instead, you use your…

Gaze.

Gaze. Nice.

In Webster World, you no longer express sadness for those who have passed.

Instead, the sun rises.

You were in…

Morning.

Morning, but now it is…

Morning.

Morning. It sounds the same, but it’s two different things.

In Webster World, the currency of the UK is transformed.

You can pay someone with a small body of water, where you would use a…

A pound.

You now use a…

A pond.

A pond, yes, indeed.

Finally, in Webster World, colors are different.

A gray color with a tinge of brown no longer exists, but there is an abundance of adhesive material.

There’s no more…

Taupe.

Taupe.

But there is a lot of…

Tape.

Tape, yes.

Very good. And since there’s all that tape, I’m going to go do some arts and crafts.

That’s it for me.

Welcome back from Webster World, everybody.

You guys did really, really well.

Thanks, John. We appreciate the push-ups for our brain.

Thank you. This show’s about language, and as you can hear, we goof off quite a bit.

If you’d like to goof off with us, give us a call at 877-929-9673 or send us your stimulating thoughts on Twitter at W-A-Y-W-O-R-D.