Irregardless

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hello, Grant. This is Frank. I’m calling from Burlington, Wisconsin.

Well, hello, Frank. How are things in Burlington?

Well, right now we’re cold and waiting for snow.

What’s on your mind today, Frank?

My wife and I have been going back and forth for, well, maybe not back and forth. I’ve been correcting her for quite some time about her choice of the word, irregardless.

Oh, I just want to say that’s always fun when you correct your wife. It makes for a really enjoyable evening.

It happens very infrequently. This is the one instance that, since 11 years we’ve been married, that I’ve done anything. She chooses to use the word irregardless in conversation, and when she does, I step in and say, you mean regardless, because I don’t believe that the word irregardless is really a word.

Let me just ask you, why wouldn’t it be a word?

It seems redundant to me.

Well, I’m going to actually play devil’s advocate with myself, and Martha, you can beat me up later for this.

I can’t wait.

But if you can say it, and you can write it, and it has a meaning, isn’t it a word?

Well, sure. I guess technically it’s a word, but it seems to me redundant.

Yeah, I mean redundant.

There we go. That’s right. That’s exactly what I was hoping you’d say. That’s your real argument right there. That’s going to win your fight.

Okay.

Right. And the truth is, Frank, that it is a word in that it’s in many dictionaries, and I wouldn’t use it because I agree with you. I think it sounds redundant, but I’m sure that my co-host has some kind of wackadoo excuse for it, that it’s some kind of blend of irrespective and regardless, or it’s some kind of emphatic double negative. But, you know, as I said, I think that’s just sort of a wackadoo cornball.

Grant, is that your theory?

Well, I need not speak, apparently. My mind is known. My secrets are laid out for the public to see. It’s like having all of my underwear on the line at one time.

No, actually, you’re wrong, Martha. How little you know me.

Frank, here’s the thing. Irregardless of what I think about irregardless, it is radioactive. It’s to be avoided at all costs.

Absolutely.

And your wife should avoid it, too. Whether it’s a word or not is irrelevant. Whether or not it’s got a long-standing use. Because, by the way, I have found this term in newspapers from as early as 1795.

Wow.

This word has been in use for a very long time.

They were wackadoo back then. That newspaper was so old that actually the first S was an F. That’s how old it was.

Oh, really?

Yes.

Wow.

But the thing is, like, so much outcry about this. It’s, like, one of the number one peeves that we get email about. It’s the number one peeves that people first think of when they want to ask me a question at parties about language. It’s something that people complain about others using right and left. My point is, I’m with Martha on this, it should be avoided. There’s just too much debate about it. It’s always going to shadow what you’re trying to say when you use this word. And you don’t want to cloud your message. Just avoid it.

I agree.

And I would tell your wife that, too.

You would?

I would.

I would.

I will tell her that with your backing.

How do you think she’s going to react to that, Frank?

I don’t know. We’ll have to see, I suppose.

Yeah. Well, I hope she still loves you regardless.

No, she will.

You’ll make sure then, huh?

Or irregardless.

So now you don’t have anything to argue about, right? It’s domestic bliss from here on out.

That’s right. It’s perfect.

Great.

Life is good.

Great. Well, glad we could help.

Abel, thank you very much for your help.

All right. Thanks for calling, Frank. You have a great day.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

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