What Can Replace the Offensive Term “Indian Giver”?

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hello, this is Lynn from Iowa City.

Hiya, Lynn. Welcome.

Hello, Lynn.

Well, it’s great to be here.

I have a question that you might help me with. It’s a bit delicate. There’s a term that we used to use when I was a kid that definitely is ethnically offensive. And I don’t want to use it again, but I would like a good, colorful substitute for it. And that term is Indian giver.

Mm—huh. And you use that to mean what? It was always used to describe someone who gave something to somebody else, only to turn around a little bit later and take it back. This is common behavior in small children, as you know, and it was often used as a gentle corrective. We’d get the gimmies, and my mother might turn around and say, now don’t be an Indian giver. I’d like to add that my mother is a lovely woman and has never knowingly uttered a slur in her entire life.

Yeah, but times have changed, haven’t they? Oh, they sure have changed, and I wouldn’t do this again for all the tea in China. But you know what’s really interesting with Indian givers? Actually, when you look at the history of the expression, it’s more derogatory for the European settlers than it is for the Indians. It turns out that the European settlers misunderstood the customs of the Indians. So the Indians had this ritual, the Native Americans, where they would give everything they owned to the other party and then expect to get it back with a lot of thank yous, and I can’t really know, that’s just too much. The thing is, the Europeans would say, oh, yeah, thanks, and walk away with it. So the Europeans were nine times out of ten the Indian givers and not the Indians. And the Indians, of course, later, if somebody walks off with your cattle and your wives, what are you going to do? You’re going to go out, you’re going to go find them and get them back. Because, you know, that’s not how the exchange is supposed to go.

Right. Well, I’ve been thinking for about 30 years on this because when my son was about two, I remember he behaved this way. And my brain took over as I was about to call him an Indian giver. And I said to myself, I must come up with a good substitute for this. Because it’s a colorful phrase. It means something. But I’ve been thinking about this for 30 years. He’s 32 now, and I haven’t come up with anything.

Wow, Lynn, 30 years. What about Smallpox Blanket Giver? I came up with Renegar, but that’s not right. You wouldn’t use that with a small child. No, you wouldn’t go there, although that word was used. Renegar was used in the 17th century, but that’s yet another word that you certainly wouldn’t want to use now. So what are we going to do?

I understand your dilemma. What are we going to choose here? I was trying to come up with something. I actually made up kitty giver, but it has a nice ring to it, but nobody would understand what I meant. Yeah, I’m not sure kitty giver is. Kitty giver with Ds? Yeah, because it describes small children behavior, really. Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I’m glad to hear that there’s actually no reason to attach that particular behavior with Indians.

Oh, definitely, definitely. You mentioned gimmies earlier. I’m thinking maybe gimme-giver or something, which sort of sounds like Indian giver almost. It’s not a heartfelt gift, right? If somebody gives you something and then takes it back, they don’t really mean it. They’re looking to get both the praise for the gift and the gift itself. But I think Indian giver has this concrete meaning to it. There’s really something that you give somebody and then that you get back. And a lot of these other things can be used just for promises and that sort of thing.

Yeah, well, you know, this may be something that we ask our listeners to pitch in on because I don’t think we’re coming up with the right word for it. Well, Martha, I think you’re right. We’ll throw it out to the listeners. Listeners, if you’ve got an idea on a synonym that we can use instead of Indian giver, we’d like to hear about it. The email address is words@waywordradio.org or call us at 1-877-929-9673 or sign up on our discussion forum and you can leave your comment there for everyone to read. How about that, Lynn?

Sounds great to me. Thanks.

All right.

All right.

Thank you so much, Lynn.

Bye.

All right.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Boy, that’s a toughie.

Yeah, I don’t have anything on that. We wouldn’t like to say European giver. No, then they think you were giving them leather pants.

Yeah. I kind of like your smallpox blanket giver. That’s nice. I like that. It’s too long, though. It doesn’t really work. I mean, it’s funny as a joke, but it’s just too awkward to say.

Yeah. Yeah, but boy, I sure grew up with that term. Indian giver and gypped. The Indian giver gypped me. I mean, all those terms. The stuff you learn as a kid that is just, as an adult, you blanch to think that it came out of your mouth freely as a child, right?

Yeah, and then I blanch to think of all the things that went into my mouth, like Twinkies and stuff like that. That was just last night, too.

I know. Anyway, that number again is 1-877-929-9673. The email is words@waywordradio.org.