Is there such thing as a half a hole? Most holes are whole holes, but even half holes are whole holes, if you think about it. In any case, it’s a fun conundrum, sort of like asking someone if they’re asleep. Children’s book author Robert McCloskey had some fun with a similar idea in a little ditty in one of his Homer Price stories. This is part of a complete episode.
Transcript of “Half a Hole”
Hello, you have A Way with Words.
Hi, Grant and Martha. This is Kelsey calling from Houston, Texas.
Hi, Kelsey. Welcome.
Hi, Kelsey. How’s everything in Houston?
Doing well, thanks.
I’m calling about a term that my father uses. Most of the time when someone mentions there being a hole in something, someone will say, like, oh, there’s a hole in my shoe or a hole in the wall over there, and he’ll say usually off the cuff, a whole hole or a half a hole. And my question kind of has two parts. First, have you heard anyone else ever using this, or is it just something that my father says, which could be entirely possible? Secondly, my younger sister and my wife both have a problem with this. They maintain that there’s no such thing as a half of a whole. They say that if it’s a whole, it’s a whole. You can’t have half of one. It’s a whole regardless of the size. My response is, well, it’s a morbid example, but if you’re digging a grave and you’re halfway done, it’s half of a hole. And my wife says, no, that’s half of the hole. So I’m kind of looking for validation on my part and wondering if anyone else has ever used it.
Okay.
Kelsey, this reminds me of somebody I used to know who, anytime you said, well, he would say, that’s a deep subject for such a shallow mind.
Did he use the show?
My father did the same thing.
Yeah, I mean, what does that do, just stop down? I mean, do you get into this discussion every time he says that, or do you just roll your eyes, or what?
I have started repeating it. I’m a little bit too much like him for my taste, but I suppose that the apple doesn’t far fall from the tree.
Right, right. A whole apple. Except if it’s on a hill.
So the first question is easily taken care of, right?
Right.
You probably Googled this, Kelsey, right?
Actually, no, I didn’t. I was hoping y’all could answer it.
Well, we Googled that for you. And it turns out that this comes up again and again. It is a joke that certain people use repetitively. They like the joke because it has that nice homophonic kind of dissimulation there where for a moment you’re confused until your brain sorts out which hole is met.
Yeah, a whole hole or half a hole. And then it prompts discussions like the ones your family has.
Yeah, so yeah, people use it. I don’t know that it’s widespread. Perhaps it popped up in a comedy routine in the 50s. I don’t know, it kind of reminds me of the safe family comedy.
Well, speaking of, it reminds me of, are you familiar with the book Make Way for Ducklings, the little children’s book by Robert McCloskey?
I think I’ve seen that, actually.
Yeah, oh, I used to love that.
I haven’t heard of it, no.
Okay, well, Robert McCloskey wrote a whole lot of children’s books, and he wrote a whole series that had to do with a guy named Homer Price back in the 1950s. There’s one book where he’s got this big donut machine that keeps making all these donuts.
Oh, yeah, I remember that. Do you remember this? And there’s a crazy poem in one of these things. I don’t know if this has anything to do with it or not, but I wanted to share it with you guys. Part of the poem goes, there’s no nuts in you-know-what’s. In a whole donut, there’s a nice whole hole. When you take a big bite, hold the whole hole tight. If a little bit bitten or a great bit bitten, any hole with a hole bitten in it is a holy, whole, hole, and just plain isn’t.
We have to put that on the website because that’s confusing.
Yeah, I know. I’m already confused. But I mean, it’s that same kind of playfulness with language and goofy humor. And from the 50s, I wonder.
So that leads us to the question, can you have a half a hole? We’re talking half of an H-O-L-E. This is a question for on being. And I have a couple things. This reminds me, for example, it’s like being kind of pregnant, right? Or it’s like being too rich. And it’s also when somebody asks you if you’re asleep and you say yes. There’s like, there’s not, you can’t have both states, right? It’s actually binaries that are treated as gradations. That’s kind of the problem here. I think you can have half a hole, but it’s still also a hole.
Well, I think your point is well taken about a grave.
Yeah. If you’ve only got it half, you know. Otherwise, the arms are going to be sticking out. That hole needs to be a certain depth. I shouldn’t see the top of the casket, really.
Oh, man. But there’s other kinds of half holes, right? If you need a particular depth of a hole and it’s only three inches deep and it should be six, then, you know, you’re not going to be able to put your chair together, right? It’s half of a hole.
That’s right.
Yeah. I think your wife’s quibbling about the article with half of the hole is irrelevant, actually. It’s still half of a hole.
I’m sure she won’t be happy to hear that. I’m sure she’s lovely. She’s probably a wonderful woman. Just give her my compliments. She married you, right?
Yes, there we go. But still, don’t get fixated on the article there.
Oh, it’s fun.
Yeah. It’s fun, isn’t it? See how much fun we’re in? It’s all in good humor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what you should do? I think you need to memorize this poem. So the next time you feel compelled to be your father, when you feel your fatherness coming on, just recite this poem instead.
Or to your father. I think that’d be great.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, double down on him.
Oh, yeah? Well, I got one for you.
Yeah, I haven’t done that yet. Kelsey, good question. We loved it. Thank you so much.
Our pleasure. Thank you for listening.
I don’t think we helped.
Oh, yes. It helped immensely.
Okay. Take care now.
All right. Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
