Answer: A Quiz That Gives Off Heat and Stimulates the Organ That We Are Fools With

You’re listening to A Way with Words, the show about language and how we use it.

I’m Martha Barnette.

And I’m Grant Barrett.

And having just arrived on his unicorn with his luscious locks blowing in the wind, it’s our quiz guide, John Chaneski.

Hi, guys.

Sorry I’m late.

I was posing for the cover of a romance novel.

But we’re ready to go.

Okay.

Now, we all know and love dictionaries, even .com ones. But a particular favorite among a particular type of person is a dictionary begun in 1881 by author Ambrose Bierce.

You might know it as the Devil’s Dictionary. Are you familiar with that?

Yes, of course.

Good. Yeah. In the Devil’s Dictionary, Bierce offers alternate, though accurate, definitions for words.

Now, these definitions are often cheeky and scathingly funny.

For example, the entry for lawyer is, one skilled in circumvention of the law.

And positive has the definition mistaken at the top of one’s voice.

I’m going to give you the first letter of a word and the definition of it, the devil’s definition of it.

You tell me the word, and I’ll give you the word length if you need it.

Let’s see how this goes, okay?

All right.

Now, this word begins with A, and it’s our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.

It’s ten letters.

Admiration.

Admiration, yes.

Very good.

Very good.

Well done, Ambrose.

A, again A, five letters.

The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Armor?

Armor.

Armor, yes.

Kind of a strange clue, but yes, it makes sense.

C, a familiar kitchen garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.

Cabbage.

Cabbage, yes.

Oh, yeah.

This is N.

The extreme outpost of the face.

The nose.

Nose, yes.

It’s a funny way to define that.

P.

P.

A parlor utensil for subduing the impertinent visitor.

It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

Piano.

Piano.

Depressing the spirits of the audience.

Well done.

Well done.

T.

T as in Thomas.

An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Telephone.

Telephone, yes.

Very good.

Finally, in Europe, an American.

In the northern states, a New Englander.

In the southern states, a Northerner.

Yankee.

Yankee.

Yes, indeed.

Man, Ambrose Bierce, who, by the way, if you’ve never read any of his short stories, I’ve read all of them, and he is a fantastic writer.

So I highly recommend.

Go ahead and read some Bierce.

Well, we’re always happy to have John join us, and we’re happy to have you join us as well.

Call us with your language question, 877-929-9673, or send it to us in email, words@waywordradio.org.