Conversational Fillers

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi there, this is Kevin Kusno calling from San Diego.

Hi Kevin, welcome.

Hey there, what’s up buddy?

I was wondering, more of a historical reference, in what other instances has a phrase or a word like like crept into the vernacular of just so many people in the country? I’m not sure if this is from usage in movies, or if it’s perhaps people trying to soften the message that they’re talking about. And the people make eye contact a lot more during their conversations. And it’s typically when they put like in the middle of it. So they’re trying to seek an immediate feedback.

So this is the like that we use while we’re speaking to suggest that either we’re not confident or sure about what we’re saying, right? It makes us hesitant. It makes sure that the listener knows that we’re approximating our feelings or approximating our report of what happened, right?

Yes.

And they also happen to use you know in the same particular instance, published for the same exact reason.

Right. We have a lot of these different features in English. They’re a type of filler word. I won’t go too much into what they all do, but we do know that the thing about this particular like, and there are a lot of likes in English. There’s not just one. I mean, like has more than one meaning. It has a lot of uses, and it depends on circumstances.

But this particular like, you know, like Martha and I have this radio show, and I’m like, it’s fun to do. And we like, you know, the collars are great. Like, you know, all of that way of talking is a way of making sure that your audience finds you somewhat relatable.

And there’s another component to it, too. When we use these crutches, these verbal crutches, we do it the same way that we catch on to, how shall I put this? Jokes or fads or fashion or behaviors or other modes of speech or modes of acting. These words are transmitted around a group or a peer group of people in a way that follows lines of influence.

So if Martha and I are speaking at an event and Martha drops the word, what’s your favorite word, Martha?

Mellifluous.

Mellifluous. And everyone goes home and they find the word mellifluous popping up in their speech. It’s because the line of influence there is Martha to these listeners who came to hear her speak, right? And so the like in these groups transmits in the same way through these power grids, literally, from centers.

Power grids. I like that.

Very much. It’s the relationships, right? If you respect somebody, you pick up their modes of speech. So like was transmitted in that way. A lot of people like to credit like, and I have to mention this, to the Valley Girls phenomenon of the 1980s. But what’s really interesting about that, the Valley Girls phenomenon, didn’t start it. It simply recognized it and identified what was already happening in some of the speech of some of the California kids, mostly the young women.

Right, so you can’t blame Moon Eunuch.

No, you can’t. They didn’t start it. They may have brought it occasionally to people elsewhere in the country, but really what was happening was just identified, recognized, put into a song, showed up in movies, showed up in TV scripts, therefore the rest of the country sees it and there’s some influence that way. That is a part of that power grid. That is a line of influence.

And whether it’s strong or weak depends upon the subject matter and the audience and the influencer. So I know that’s all kind of vague, but what we’re really talking about here is relationships between people. This is how a word like this particular kind of like moves from person A to person B and does it repeatedly so that it becomes a noticeable, recognizable trend.

Does that make sense?

It makes some sense.

As someone who’s trained to do public speaking, I find if I put like and you know in the middle of my sentences, it’ll decrease my credibility, which is what you alluded to about the lines of power. But that’s a different kind of relationship here. The relationship that we’re talking about is between friends and family. And in that case, the modes of speaking are very different than what you would have on stage.

What’s really interesting, too, you say that it will decrease your credibility, but you are going to find a large part of your audience, as long as you don’t overuse them, are going to find that using like and you know makes you relatable.

Yeah, accessible.

Accessible. If the speaker sounds like I do, then I’m going to feel more comfortable, right? So it’s really interesting because the people who are complaining the most about like and you know tend often to have their own little ticks and oddities in their speech that make them relatable and that they’ve adopted because other people respond positively to these little bits of accent or these little bits of notes of hesitance in their language.

It is really about relationships and these things, as long as they’re not overused, and I have to stress that caveat. They do work. They do make you sound a little more approachable.

Well, thank you.

You guys gave me a great explanation.

Thank you for calling.

Bye-bye.

Take care.

Bye-bye.

I know this is a messy topic, but let me just summarize.

Okay.

You shouldn’t overuse like and you know.

Sure.

Right? But there’s a place for them.

Absolutely.

And it’s a valid, real grammatical place for them. And if you do use them in the right way, at the right frequency, they can make you relatable.

Yeah, sometimes I think it’s a matter of rhythm. You know, if I just think about the rhythm of talking to people, like if I say, can I borrow your sweater? There’s something there in the rhythm that feels like the people around me. I’m going to try to find some of the more approachable academic papers on this subject.

Oh, that’d be great.

Because if you can comprehend them, they’re thrilling when you start to realize that the role that like plays is something that we don’t give over to very many other words. It’s kind of found a place for itself.

Thrilling. I love that. We are big nerds, Grant. And there are a lot of big nerds out there we know, so call us 877-929-9673.