What’s a Better Name for an Ex?

Hello, welcome to A Way with Words.

Hello, this is David calling from Carlsbad, California.

Welcome to the show.

Hi, David.

What’s up?

This might be a little bit of an odd one.

So I’m divorced, and this term ex-wife doesn’t sit well with me. It kind of feels disrespectful. And I was wondering if there’s a better word for it.

A better word for ex-wife. Break that down. Why does that sound disrespectful?

Maybe it’s the word ex, maybe the letter ex. Huh. Like they’ve been X’d out or like it’s not, it doesn’t sound reverent. And I thought you two might pull up some word that is not commonly, you know, the common vernacular that would resonate better as kind of, you know, someone who, you know, was formerly married to and now good friends. And everybody is, you know, moving forward in a very, you know, congenial and friendly way.

Right. Well, you know what? I completely sympathize with you. I recently saw my ex of 17 years post something on Facebook and just referred to me. We’re on very good terms, too. But she posted something on Facebook and said, my ex. And I thought, ouch. It just kind of hurts. It’s kind of sharp.

Is it too many years of stereotypes of ex-wives, you know, on sitcoms and stand-up comedians and cartoons and that sort of thing? For me, I don’t know about you, David, but for me, it’s sort of what you said about the sound of it and just the X crossing somebody out. And I don’t like saying my X either.

Okay. What do you say?

You describe it perfectly. Do you just use their name and say?

Yes.

Okay. That’s what I do is I just use their name and people who know me know the situation and people who don’t. You know, it’s a question of how much do you want to share with somebody.

David, can you say something like my wife at the time or something like that? Some other construction that’s just not a name?

Yeah, or the woman I was married to or things like that.

And it’s cumbersome.

Yes, it’s cumbersome. It’s a phrase instead of a word.

And so I met a woman who uses the word was-bid.

Huh.

But you can’t say it for wife.

No.

Yeah, was-bid. But do you like was-bid?

It’s a little cutesy.

Yeah, I do. I do, but it wouldn’t fit for me.

Right. I’ve got to tell you, David, I don’t have another word for ex-wife that aren’t mean words that people say about their ex-wives. I don’t have one. I’ve never had to come up with a term for an ex-wife. But, you know, at one point you were in love. I mean, it’s a former partner.

Right. My old girlfriend is what I used to say.

My old girlfriend.

Yeah, my girlfriend at the time.

Huh.

The lady I was dating.

So, Grant, I’m thinking when you put the word old, that also has a certain connotation.

Yeah, right.

Right, right. So you could say the lady I was dating at the time, the woman I was with, and all these are phrases. And I was just wondering if there might be one or two words. And Martha, you described it exactly. My sentiment’s exactly the ouch.

Yeah.

The search for a single word for things is often an endless road because there’s, although it might be a little less cumbersome, there’s no guarantee that English has one word for every idea that we can come up with. And we have to settle for phrases.

Are compounds. And it’s interesting. I mean, Grant and I have talked before about how X is often used in a lot of other languages.

Yeah, that’s right. Spanish and French, I know, they just throw X in front of their word for spouse or husband or wife.

Yeah, Spanish also has Antiguo, which is related to our word antique. But it’s kind of the same problem as old girlfriends.

Yeah, right. My old wife, the previous model. And you think that maybe those other cultures took X from American pop culture?

No, I think they just got it from Latin the same way we did. So it’s a fairly standard prefix.

So first wife doesn’t work either?

Well, first wife implies there are multiple wives.

Yeah.

Like which one are you on now?

All right. Well, you know what, David? This sounds like one of these things that we’re just going to have to throw out to our listeners and crowdsource.

Yeah.

My question for you, David, would you settle for something jokey? Our listeners tend to come up with portmanteaus and blends that are a little lighthearted, or do you want something just straightforward you can use on a day-to-day basis and not really feel guilty about?

Yeah, no, absolutely. Like, was-been is kind of a little bit jovial.

Yeah.

You know, was-husband. It’s kind of cute.

Yeah, kind of affectionate. That works because it’s affectionate, it’s silly, it’s whimsical. And I know that for my guy friends, when they use the word my ex, it’s usually not meant in a friendly, respectful way. Usually something follows that that I don’t want to repeat on the air.

That’s right.

So we want something warmer for a former wife.

All right. So what’s a warm term for a former wife? What’s a nicer way of saying ex-wife? Let us know, 877-929-9673.

Tell us on Twitter at Wayword, W-A-Y-W-O-R-D, or send your ideas and email to words@waywordradio.org.

And David, we will let you know.

I will listen for suggestions. Thank you.

I look forward to hearing from our listeners on this one.