Are We Different People When We Speak Different Languages?

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

Hi, this is John calling from New York City.

Hi, John. Welcome to the show.

Hi, John. What can we do for you?

Well, my question is something that I’ve been pondering my entire adult life, basically. I’ve grown up speaking multiple languages, primarily English and Tagalog, which is the national language of the Philippines. And I learned both languages simultaneously as a child and still speak Tagalog fluently now as an adult.

And it was funny when I heard your show while I was in San Diego, that question popped up immediately because I was in the car with my family speaking Tagalog, speaking English. And I found myself code switching pretty seamlessly. But I caught myself changing, I guess, personalities. I found myself, you know, when I spoke English, I was very forthright, very direct, very matter-of-fact speaking. But then when I code-switched over to Tagalog, I found myself a bit less aggressive-sounding, I guess. I felt myself sounding more compassionate, kinder, more soft-spoken. I struggled, you know, speaking with my mom in particular. So I guess I just wanted to know from your end if you’ve come across any research or anything that you’ve known just, you know, through your experience. If there is such a thing as personality changes when one person switches from one language to another, especially when they’re from two very separate language families.

I love this. Wow. This is great, John. This is a question that many people spend a lot of time looking into.

Yeah. And you were speaking with family who learned both languages the same way you did?

No, no. So my mom and her sisters, they grew up in the Philippines. So Tagalog was their first language, and English was the academic language that they used in school.

I see. Whereas for me, it was switched because English, you know, I grew up in California, so English was used everywhere, and I would only use Tagalog at home.

Yeah, so the question’s really important that Martha asked there, because one of the main reasons people feel like a different person when they speak a different language is that the context is different. And by that I mean you, when you speak Tagalog, you are speaking to people who you respect. You’re speaking to your elders, right? You’re speaking to your mother, maybe your grandparents, your aunts and uncles.

Family, yeah. Family. And when you speak English, that’s kind of like the language of everyday life where those bonds of respect aren’t necessarily going to be in place.

The other thing is, and I don’t know that this is true for these two languages, but sometimes when people talk about feeling like a different person when they speak a different language, they have an imperfect understanding of one of the languages or both of them. And so they have a different inventory of words that they’re trying to work with. And then the third factor, and maybe this is more important to you, is the culture that goes along with the language. Where English, for example, doesn’t have, say, a formal you or a formal the form or anything like that. And I think Tagalog does have some formal registers. There’s some things that you do.

Yes, it does. And the honorifics may be more explicit in Tagalog than they are in English and some things like that.

Yes, definitely. But you’re not alone on this, and there’s so much to say on this that I don’t think Martha and I could spend a couple hours with you, and I’d love to talk about it for a couple hours. But I want to recommend a book to you that I think will get you started on this. It’s called Life with Two Languages, an Introduction to Bilingualism. It’s by François, I don’t know if he pronounces his last name in French, but it’s Grosjean in French, G-R-O-S-J-E-A-N.

Yes, I just looked it up. It looks like Grosjean, yeah, Life with Two Languages. And there may be a new edition, but the edition that I have is published in 1982. And he really gets into this. And there’s been a lot more work done since he started it, but I think his work is a good place for you to begin.

That’s great. Thank you so much. I’m really happy that you brought that up. It’s very enlightening and empowering, especially when being second-generation Filipino-American, and there’s definitely that language barrier between my mom and her sisters and myself. And I try very hard to use my Tagalog skills to connect with them and to maintain my relationship. And hearing all that is just pretty mind-blowing. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

It’s our pleasure. And I want to add one thing to that, John. I want to reframe what you just said. Part of the reason that you’re hearing a difference in the two languages is because of you. You are putting the love that you have for your Tagalog-speaking family into your relationships with them. It’s coming out in your words and your words choices. So you’re kind of echoing back to yourself the love that’s automatically already there. So it’s not only on the language. It’s as much as a relationship as anything.

That’s amazing. Thank you. I’m getting goosebumps.

Well, another thing I want to tell you before you go, this actually happens in English, where people will talk at length about why words, say, of Latinate origin don’t feel as real to them as words of an Anglo-Saxon or Germanic origin. Even within words that are fully Anglicized and are completely English, people still say that they can feel a difference in the tone and quality of their word choices based on the original language that the word came from.

It’s really cool. Do you have a specific example between anglicized and Latin words so that I get a better understanding?

Oh, yeah. So the naughty words, for example, the way we talk about the sex act, for example, if we were to use the more Latinate words that are a little more like the romance languages, like intercourse or copulate or fornication versus the words that we can’t say on the air for the act.

Yes, yes. Yeah, a little more distance there.

Yeah. Yeah. That’s great. That’s great. John, thank you so much for calling.

Yeah, thank you also. I guess, you know, how to say that in Tagalog, you would say salamat, which, fascinatingly enough, I guess is derived from Arabic, when you say assalamu alaikum, salaam, meaning peace, which you could spend hours again talking about language, etymology, and all that stuff. So that’s how you would say it in my language, salamat.

And what would we say in return?

You would say salamat also.

Yeah, you say salamati.

Salamati. Thank you very much, John.

Yeah, salamati also. Awesome. Thank you so much.

Bye-bye.

Take care, you guys.

Take care.

John, thank you.

You’re welcome.

Bye-bye.

We’ll put a link to that book on the website so people know where to go for the resources.

Yeah, and I was going to say that if you want a less academic take on that kind of thing, Richard Rodriguez’s book, Hunger of Memory, about growing up in this country in California as a first-generation son of Mexican immigrants is really wonderful. It really gives you a sensuous feeling for what it’s like to speak Spanish at home and English outside of the home.

I do feel like I need to say something very clearly, though, that maybe didn’t come all the way through, which is there isn’t necessarily anything inherent in a language that makes it more loving or harsher or more direct or more indirect than another language. It’s mostly the associations. And how much each individual speaker knows of that language.

Yes, and how you learned it.

And how you learned it.

Yeah. I’d love to hear from other listeners about their experience talking and living in two languages. Give us a call, 877-929-9673, or send us an email to words@waywordradio.org.