Quiz Guy John Chaneski says he and his fellow puzzlers often kibitz over familiar riddles, thinking up alternative answers. For example, the answer to “What month do people sleep the least?” is “February,” because that month has the fewest days. But if you wanted to take issue with that answer, what might you say? This is part of a complete episode.
Transcript of “Word Quiz: Classic Riddle Answers Meet Their Alternative Loopholes”
You’re listening to A Way with Words, the show about language and how we use it. I’m Grant Barrett.
And I’m Martha Barnette. And that dapper fellow emerging from the shiffer robe with a bow tie and a cummerbund. Nice cummerbund. It’s John Chaneski. Hi, John, our quiz guy.
A man who can dress in the dark.
Thank you very much. There was a lion and a witch in there in that shiffer robe. That’s really weird.
Yeah, they gave me this cummerbund. It was so sweet. You know, I was going to do a quiz about classic, simple riddles, because riddles have to do with language, usually wordplay, and they turn it to be way too simple.
What has a head and a tail but no body?
A coin.
A coin.
But, you know, my friends and I have this little game that we play. We take some issue with some riddles. You know, who doesn’t love an argument, especially when the author of the riddle is not around?
For example, when does Friday come before Thursday?
The answer is…
In the dictionary.
In the dictionary. But I would argue that Friday comes before Thursday every week.
All the time. It just depends when you start your week.
Yeah, just six days before. Yeah, what’s the point there?
So we’re going to argue some riddles, and we could also answer these riddles and talk about the wordplay in them.
Here’s a few more.
What month do people sleep the least?
What month do people sleep the least?
Yeah.
February, because it’s the shortest month.
Right, exactly.
But who says you can’t get 10 hours a night in February and 7 hours in June?
Next.
Next.
If there are three slices of pizza and you take two, how many slices do you have?
Do you have two?
You have two.
But there are still three slices.
Who’s to say they’re not all yours?
It depends whether or not the U is plural or singular.
There you go.
Words.
Words.
Next.
What comes down but never goes up?
What comes down but never goes up?
Rain.
Right, rain or snow.
But rain bounces off the sidewalk.
Right, but also, hello, two inches of rain, three inches of rain, five inches of snow, nine inches of snow.
Tell the people in Buffalo that snow doesn’t go up, okay?
Up and up.
Sorry, I get a little heated.
I get a little heated.
John Chaneski, our quibbler guy.
That’s me.
What has 13 hearts and no other organs?
A deck of cards.
Excuse me, but the face is considered an organ.
It has specific functions.
And there are eyes and noses and ears on the royal cards.
Not good.
By the way, you could spend hours doing this.
I highly recommend it.
Oh, I have a teenager.
I do it already.
There you go.
What letter of the alphabet has the most water?
What letter of the alphabet has the most water?
Yeah.
We’re going way back to preschool for this one.
Yes, I’m sorry, but as stated, it is the letter C.
It says letter, and it’s not the word C.
Oh, my goodness.
Next.
What has many keys but cannot unlock a door?
Piano.
No, sorry.
Piano versus locked door?
My money is on the piano, yes.
Yeah.
Just give it a good push.
Good, strong push.
Finally, what is always answered without being questioned?
What is always answered without being questioned?
Well, what do we answer?
Phones.
Yes.
We answer letters.
Alternate answer.
These are alternate answers very well.
The answer I have here is a doorbell.
Now, my question to you is, if you look out the window and you see somebody with a clipboard, are you going to answer, who’s with me?
No.
Haven’t you ever shouted, who is it, before you open the door?
Exactly.
Exactly.
All right.
Those are, again, riddles, classic, classic puzzles, riddles, and some of them maybe deserve to get, you know, argued with.
I’m going to forward all those arguments to your inbox, John.
Yes, please.
Oh, yeah, I highly recommend anybody has any riddles they want to send along that they take issue with.
Let’s do it together.
I love it.
You can send them to puzzles at waywordradio.org.
John, thank you so much.
Give our best to your family, and we’ll talk to you next week.
Thank you.
You too, guys.
Bye-bye.
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