I don’t have the spoons is another way to say “I don’t have the energy.” Writer and blogger Christine Miserandino, who has lupus, invented this phrase and the spoon theory as a way for people with chronic illnesses and various disabilities to explain the need to ration out their energy in a way that healthy people never have to think about. Some people with disabilities now refer to themselves as spoonies. Miserandino’s website, But You Don’t Look Sick, is full of news and resources about living with chronic illness and disabilities. This is part of a complete episode.
Transcript of “Having the Spoons is About Having the Energy”
Hello, you have A Way with Words.
Hello, this is Chris. I’m calling from Fort Collins, Colorado.
Hi, Chris. Welcome to the show.
I had a question about a friend of mine, and we were at a party with some music playing, and she had used the expression that she doesn’t have the spoons. It was getting kind of late. She was celebrating graduation, kind of had a busy weekend, and I couldn’t quite hear her over the music, so I asked her to repeat herself. I thought I just didn’t hear correctly, and she said, I just don’t have the spoons to stay. So she ended up going home, you know, getting some rest. But I told her I never heard of that before. I thought it was an interesting phrase. She laughed because she said she also has been told that nobody’s heard that out here in Colorado. She’s from Florida. So I don’t know if that’s a connection out there. But I knew just to call you and Martha.
Yeah.
Did she explain what she meant by that she didn’t have the spoons?
Yeah. My understanding, I guess, was just that she doesn’t have the energy. Just meaning, you know, that the battery was zapped and it was time to rest and relax.
Right, right. This is a really useful expression, Chris, and it has a wonderful story behind it. Spoon theory is something that was developed in 2003 by a woman named Christine Miserandino, and she is a New York writer who has lupus. And she was at dinner with a friend, and she was trying to explain to her what it’s like to try to get through your day if you have this debilitating autoimmune disease. And she was looking for some kind of metaphor that would make clear the challenges that she faces. And what she came up with was gathering up 12 spoons there in the diner, and she hands them to her friend, and she says, okay, these spoons represent all the energy that you are allowed to spend for the day. So now imagine going through your day, and each time you complete a task, I’m going to take one of those 12 spoons away from you.
So they do this little exercise where her friend imagines showering. So that requires one spoon. She imagines getting breakfast, and Christine takes another spoon from her. And getting dressed, that’s another spoon. So each of those tasks costs you a spoon, which represents your store of energy. And so going through this imaginary day, even before her friend could imagine getting out of the house and going to work, she had already spent six spoons. And so it’s this fantastic metaphor about rationing out your energy. And it’s a great way for people with invisible disabilities. You know, they look fine, but they’ve got maybe an issue with energy and autoimmune disease or something like that. It’s a great way to explain that you just don’t have any energy left.
And I’m wondering if your friend picked it up from someone with a disability or if she has one herself. In any case, it’s something that’s so helpful. In fact, it’s so helpful for folks trying to explain this that a lot of people in the disability community actually call themselves spoonies.
Oh, funny. I love that. That’s amazing. I never would have known that once I spoke to you, so thank you. And I love that. That’s a great, great metaphor, like you said, of rationing out with eating utensils.
Yeah, yeah. And I’m interested that you haven’t run into that term in Colorado because it’s really becoming popular, isn’t it, Grant?
It’s a term that really took hold. I mean, congratulations to Christine for coining that because it really works. And I think especially in the age of long COVID, I think we’re going to be running into more and more people who literally, well, not literally, but who are going to find that metaphor useful.
Yeah, the essay itself is very lovely. You can find it in full on her website at butyoudontlooksick.com. And near the end, she says, I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket in reserve. You need to always be prepared. And she explains to her friend that she’s having the meal with at this restaurant. She pulls a spoon out and she says, you’re worth a spoon to me. Spending this time at this meal with you is important. And I think that was just a lovely moment and way to show that having this energy for a friend was something that she made time for and energy for.
And it’s even not just the energy, Martha, isn’t it? It’s like also your ability to cope. When she talks about getting dressed, it’s not just getting dressed. She talks about like, well, today I have bruises because my chronic disease gives me bruises. So I need to figure out long sleeves. And, oh, yeah, my hair is falling out. And so I need to spend some time, more time than usual with my hair. And she’s just talking about, you know, if I have a fever, I need to put on a sweater. So I have to figure out the sweater. And so it can take her like twice as long to get dressed some mornings than other mornings. So the spoons just go right out the door.
I’m so happy that you can explain that and share that. And I told her about your podcast, so I’m going to share this with her.
Yeah, you know, we have to be mindful of how we spend our spoons, whether we’re able-bodied or not.
So thank you both very much.
Our pleasure, Chris.
Well said, Chris. Thank you for reaching out. We appreciate it. You have A Way with Words, Chris.
Thanks.
Bye-bye.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
And you can find Christine’s essay, The Spoon Theory, on her website, butyoudontlooksick.com.
