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In ‘Sweetie' and ‘Dear,' a Hurt for the Elderly. Professionals call it elderspeak, the sweetly belittling form of address that has always rankled older people: the doctor who talks to their child rather than to them about their health; the store clerk who assumes that an older person does not know how to work a computer, or needs to be addressed slowly or in a loud voice. Then there are those who address any elderly person as “dear.â€
I am 74 years old. Yesterday, I heard on the radio that an "elderly man" had backed his car into a police car that had stopped him. The elderly man was 72. What? 72? That's younger than I am.
I'm constantly surprised. I am an elderly man. I wasn't "yesterday" but I am today. AND I HATE IT. Not because my body is falling apart, not because I'm on "Life Row", (I call it "Life Row" rather than "Death Row" even though the death row inmates have a longer projected life than I do.) I HATE IT, because for the first time in my life I'm a living walking stereotype. People don't see me anymore, they see an old man. I was in a business meeting the other day and one of the young whippersnappers in the meeting turned to me and said, "What do seniors think?"
"What do seniors think?" Why are you asking me? I'm an individual, I have my own thoughts, I don't represent seniors and I don't know what "seniors" think. Yes, in fact, I do know what Seniors think. They think everything. They have their own opinions and some even differ from other seniors.
I told a black friend of mine that story and he almost fell off his chair laughing. He's been asked those kinds of questions all his life. What do blacks think? Now I'm being asked it and did I mention that "I HATE IT"
hmmm. I'm 63 years old and whenever someone refers to me as sweetie if there is fondness in their voice, I like it. I have a niece who replies to me often how much she LOVES it when I call her sweetie, which of course I do with fondness in my voice.
if someone bows to a queen but in a condescending ways says "Your Majesty" then I would think the queen would not like it
to me, it is not the word per se but the condescension lurking beneath the word that makes all the difference
Martha and Maggie or M&M:
I disagree. I think "Sweetie" is demeaning and childrenizing no matter how it is said. To prove my point, I propose that Maggie call in the show and try to address Martha or better yet a senior caller, as "Sweetie" in a respectful, non-condescending manner and then have the audience vote whether she was successful.
Garry
P.S. Martha, thanks for the encouragement. I appreciate it. I may write an article for our local paper.
P.P.S. Is the sum of 2 + 11 always 13. Doesn't it depend on what it is? The noise made by 2 teenage boys and 11 teenage girls is different than the noise made by 2 teenage girls and 11 teenage boys. If the answer is different that means that 2 + 11 can't always be the same. Right?
I disagree. I think “Sweetie†is demeaning and childrenizing no matter how it is said. To prove my point, I propose that Maggie call in the show and try to address Martha or better yet a senior caller, as “Sweetie†in a respectful, non-condescending manner and then have the audience vote whether she was successful.
Hmmmmm. You have a point there. Maybe it works more the way we were suggesting when it's people of the same group addressing each OTHER, eh?
And Garry, I would like to see that article. Do you remember the call we had earlier in the year about the guy trying to find a better word for "senior citizen"? And then there was guy who called and wanted a term for a "second career" later in life. I do like "encore career" for that. But my point is that we'll be wrestling with all these kinds of things more and more ...
Dear Maggie and Martha:
I reread Maggie's and your post Martha and realized I'd misread them the first time around. Sorry.
I agree that it is possible to address a person in your own family or group with "sweetie", "dearie" or "sweetie pie" and conclude that it is a greeting of endearment.
I just think it is important to emphasize how demeaning and stress producing it is for clerks, nurses or waiters to address older people with those terms. And they often do it with the best intentions.
What would be helpful is to suggest ways that an older person might respond to such a greeting:
I suggest something subtle like:
"Hey, you idiot. Don't get condescending with me. I'm a person. I have a name, and a life so show me some respect."
And then if they say it in a really demeaning way, add, "And remember, your turn on death row is coming sooner than you expect."
Garry
>>>>“Hey, you idiot. Don't get condescending with me. I'm a person. I have a name, and a life so show me some respect.â€<<<
My dad, despite his caducity, was pretty darned active right up until his death at 93, and used to say, "Old age is not for sissies."
I guess addressing older folks as "sweetie" isn't either. 🙂
Martha Barnette
Grant Barrett
Grant Barrett
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