Discussion Forum—A Way with Words, a fun radio show and podcast about language

Using a woman's first name to address her (whether you know her or not) has become commonplace.  I am not a fan. Addressing a woman as "Ms." with her LAST NAME or just simply "Madam" is correct when addressing a woman if she is someone who you do not know.  Miss and her LAST NAME is for girls or unmarried woman and, of course, Mrs. with her LAST NAME for a married woman.  I am a married woman.  I grind my teeth every time someone I do not know calls me by my first name or -even worse - "Miss" and my first name. Occasionally, I try to educate the "Miss Mary" offenders by letting them know that I am not a slave owner and never intend to be a slave owner. The term "Miss" is actually a shortened form of "Mistress".  In addition to the title for a girl or an unmarried woman, the term "Mistress" was used as a title of respect long ago for women in business (like a shop owner or teacher) or a slave owner or the wife of a slave owner.  It is a common misconception today, particularly in the south, that calling a woman "Miss" and her first name is respectful.  The white Southern aristocracy during the civil war era called their white women peers "Miss" and their LAST NAME or "Mrs", "Widow" and their LAST NAME.  It was only the SLAVES who used "Miss" and the woman's first name.  Margaret Mitchell got it right in her book "Gone with the Wind".  Scarlett O'Hara's suitors called her "Miss O'Hara". It was only the slaves who called her "Miss Scarlett".  I admit that I am on the road to becoming a fossil, but I was taught that you used a woman's title and last name until such time as she gave you permission to call her by her first name.   And since I have had a career in business and been married for decades I enjoy the respect of being called either "Ms." or "Mrs" with my last name.  I've earned it!