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Discussion Forum—A Way with Words, a fun radio show and podcast about language

A Way with Words, a radio show and podcast about language and linguistics.

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word for an unmarried man who's having an affair with a married woman
Guest
1
2010/02/13 - 3:48pm

how about mister?

Guest
2
2010/02/14 - 7:56am

Although I like the straightforward direction of using "mister" for this, I have residual gut-twinge. "Mister" is derived from "Master" or "Meister" and indicates the one in a position of authority while the feminine form "Mistress" would normally indicate the chief female authority in the house. I think we are going to have to avoid any derivative word from northern Europe if we don't want to carry in some diminutive. Everything would come out like 'boy-toy' or 'pool boy'.

Or we can always result to more direct route and say "Lover"

p.s.-Happy Valentine's Day.

Guest
3
2010/02/14 - 12:07pm

along your lines...i was listening to Stevie Wonder's "part-time lover".
Martha's link to Catullus...apparently, he had an affair (woman referenced in the posted poem) with a married woman. so, Catullus could be an option.
there is the word, "jump-off" -- its been in the hip-hop community for quite some time. it references "the lover" that you have on the side. the call is only made to that person when you want things to jump off.

Guest
4
2010/02/14 - 9:29pm

Ok, I can deal with Catullus (although I think most people would think catalyst), but if you are gonna pull out 'part-time lover' and 'jump-off', we might as well go for 'the slice on the side'. lol

Guest
5
2010/02/18 - 10:42pm

In response to the question of a name for the lover of a married woman in the Valentine's Day episode, there is an Italian word called "cicisbeo". He was the professed gallant and lover of a married woman, who attended her at public entertainments, to church and other occasions and had privileged access to his mistress. Although the origin is unknown it may have come from a translation of "in a whisper" or an inversion of bel cece which means "beautiful chick (pea)". There is a similar word in Spanish (cortejo or estrecho) and in French petit-maître, but I think the Italian may be closer to the intention of the caller. The exact etymology of the "cicisbeo" is unknown; some evidence suggests it originally meant "in a whisper" or an inversion of bel cece, which means "beautiful chick (pea)".

Bill 5
Dana Point, CA
77 Posts
(Offline)
6
2010/02/19 - 12:18pm

I've always heard it as "Pool Boy"!

As in, "She had another visit from the Pool Boy this morning. And she hasn't even GOT a pool."

EmmettRedd
859 Posts
(Offline)
7
2010/06/29 - 2:53pm

Here is an example of "manstress" from a article about social networking and divorce:

But it's not just kissy pix with the manstress or mistress that show up as evidence.

Emmett

Guest
8
2010/07/01 - 5:31pm

"Clutter is the disease of American writing," says William Zinsser in his classic text, On Writing Well. "We are a society strangling in unnecessary words, circular constructions, pompous frills, and meaningless jargon."
The words would be adulterer, cheat, dirtbag, bottom crawler. They apply to women as well as men....if the shoe fits.

Guest
9
2010/07/14 - 4:38pm

philanderer

Guest
10
2010/08/20 - 5:51pm

I like "manstress," as suggested above and used in a 30 Rock episode this last season. It sounds a little silly, but at the same time affairs are (from one perspective) whimsical absurdities, so it may be appropriate. If we were to go with the "prince-princess" model it should be just "man." "Man" could work because it suggests that the power is with the person possessing the "man," although this also hints of slavery. I would stick with "manstress."

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