Discussion Forum—A Way with Words, a fun radio show and podcast about language

Decades ago in my college cafeteria they were renovating the dish room equipment. For several weeks plastic bins were placed out to accept the plates and flatware. There were four bins, each with a one-word sign, all bearing unnecessary quotation marks: "DISHES"; "KNIVES"; "FORKS"; "SPOONS".

Someone (unknown to me) had the stroke of genius to attribute the quotes:
"DISHES" – Twain
"KNIVES" – Freud
"FORKS" – Goethe
"SPOONS" – Shakespeare

Now, whenever I see a sign entirely in unnecessary quotes, as is the "'May I help you?'" sign on the website, I exercise my mind to come up with the figure who might likely, or comically, have uttered the words.

For example:
"May I help you?" – Mother Theresa
"May I help you?" – Goebbels