Discussion Forum—A Way with Words, a fun radio show and podcast about language

I don't know why we have to stoop to false modesty in such situations, but something along the lines of, "I didn't really do much," or, "It was nothing" to deny the value of one's action seems to be expected. It sounds to me like a ploy to elicit higher praise: "How can you say that? I can never thank you enough! You're my hero!" A simple "You're welcome" should suffice, or "Glad to do it." I think the demurral cheapens the gratitude, and it rarely sounds genuine.

Peter

I'm really bad in the whole deal of social patter. These kinds of exchange all seem more like kabuki to me than conversation -- a sort of formal dance-drama of words filled with arcane expectations. A kind of societal knock-knock joke with expected call and response. I often get it wrong.

-- You're too kind.
No, I'm not.

[sneeze].
-- God bless you.
How nice.

As a result, I'm with tromboniator. "You're welcome" is usually all I can muster to a "thank you." For words of praise, a simple "thank you" seems to do the trick.

As a student of languages, my difficulty with formal conversational elements poses more than a few problems. In Chinese, for example, there are very different forms of "thank you" for different situations. One common pitfall for Americans speaking Chinese is to use the wrong "thank you." The most commonly known "thank you," Pinyin xièxie (traditional 謝謝, simplified 谢谢), is used when you have been given something. Often, when an American has been complimented or praised, he will respond with xièxie. Big mistake. It comes off as being very proud since, by accepting the praise with gratitude, you feel you deserve the praise. The correct way to respond is essentially to deny the compliment. The most common is Pinyin nǎlǐ (traditional 哪裡, simplified 哪里), which means "where?" or "nowhere." Think "No way!" in English (You look mahvelous! -- No way!). When I have been in conversations in Chinese and they compliment my Chinese (I hope you now realize not to take that as too strong an indication of the quality of my Chinese, but rather more like they are saying "Oh, you speak Chinese!"), if I remember to respond with nǎlǐ, only then can I see their facial expression change to show some (genuine?) respect of my command of the language.

In English, we have it EASY!

Tromboniator said: It baffles me why a sneeze merits a response at all, where a cough, burp, or fart can be politely ignored.

Saying "God bless you." when someone sneezes makes perfect sense, since a sneeze is often associated with a cold or other illness, so it's only polite to wish them well with their health. Curious that same reasoning doesn't apply to coughs. That said ...

Humans are indeed weird. I know several people who say "excuse me" when they sneeze, but remain silent after a (nominal) cough, burp, or fart. The occasional exception seems to occur for prolonged coughing while someone else is trying to talk, which warrants an "excuse me," or a burp or fart while at the dinner table or in an elevator. Go figure.

It seems to be largely a personal choice people just make. No sense or consistency to it at all. It's not so much about spreading germs, since both a sneeze and a cough (and probably a burp) can all do that. But if the person is quick enough to put a hankie or a napkin over their face, then no "excuse me" should be needed.

I've also considered that a sneeze or fart can usually be suppressed, so any that slip by need an "excuse me." Whereas a cough or burp is sometimes too reflexive to suppress, so since it was unavoidable, no "excuse me" is required.

And then, of course, most often with farts, it seems to be a matter of volume, where the perpetrator asks themselves "Was that loud enough to be heard?" If so, an "excuse me" would be in order. If it was inaudible, no admission of guilt is needed. Although in an enclosed space like an elevator or car, with only two occupants, there's another "sensory clue" beyond sound that makes it kinda hard to bluff, and so might again require an "excuse" me.

I think it all comes down to bodily functions being such a personal and cultural thing that no consistency should even be expected. Humans are weird, especially when it comes to bodily functions.