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You will see from my spelling of "favourable" above that am English, but for more than forty years I have enjoyed the company of many Americans and think that I can easily handle the "Two countries divided a common language" misunderstandings that occur from time to time. Sadly, although I have travelled throughout most of the world I have never made it to the western side of the Atlantic.
But recently I have become acquainted with a smart, sassy lady from New Jersey who in the course of conversation remarked that her friends thought of her as a "Ball-Breaker". Surely, I thought, that was not a nice way to describe a lady. Webster's dictionary is quite strident in its definition of such a person - and it is NOT complimentary. My friend's comment when I mentioned this was that in the New York area the definition is more descriptive of an intelligent, sophisticated and witty person. Other American friends do not agree with her, but they don't come from New York.
So, being a long time follower of the sensible advice AWWW gives, I would like to ask if the meaning has changed, at least in one part of the US. Incidentally, my friend is a high school English teacher, so she's probably correct, but I can find no citation to support this.
What do you say, guys?
I wouldn't agree with her definition, either. I lived in New York City for 16 years and I don't think the three years since that I've lived in California are long enough to have seen "ball-breaker" undergo a massive transformation to where it would mean "an intelligent, sophisticated and witty person."
That said, I see no problem with someone self-applying "ball-breaker" (or "ball-buster") if they mean the secondary definition as given in the New Oxford American Dictionary: "a tough disciplinarian or taskmaster." Or even a definition a bit more generalized to mean someone who takes no guff, brooks no dispute, gives no quarter. That latter generalized meaning is supportable if one googles a little bit.
I'd also wonder if "busting someone's chops" hasn't cross-pollinated her use of "ball-breaker." It tends to mean "give someone a hard time, especially in a joking or mockingly serious way; to nag or harangue." If you talk about busting your own chops, it means you're working flat-out, top speed, full-throttle.
Further, in my experience, the mode of speech in the workplace and among educated people in New York City and New Jersey is far coarser during everyday matters than it is just about anywhere else I've ever been, across all the industries I worked in there. Publishing was perhaps the most genteel, but even there it wasn't prim and prissy as it might be in other cities. So even though "ball-breaker" isn't complimentary, perhaps she sees no need to avoid self-applying it.
The other meaning, "a sexually demanding woman who destroys men's self-confidence" doesn't seem that brag-worthy unless one is involved in social groups which practice sexual domination.
Grant,
Thank you very much for such a swift reply.
Your remark about the cross-pollination with "Busting ones chops" rings truer in that was how the whole subject arose; leg-pulling and innocuous fun poking.
I was still shocked when she used it. I spent forty years working with tough talking oilmen, who are never known to mince their words, and can only recall the term she used, when applied to a person, as derogatory.
That said, words and phrases that might have had my mother reaching for the soap to "wash out my mouth" sixty years ago now seem almost quaintly banal. So goes the way of language. Perhaps "ball-busting" will eventually become a compliment.
Thanks for your comment.
Richard Morley said ...her friends thought of her as a "Ball-Breaker" ... My friend's comment ...was that ...descriptive of an intelligent, sophisticated..
From your wording as above, there is a real possibility of misunderstanding between speaker and hearer. The only way to clear the situation for sure is to go back to the friends who originated the idea, at least one of them. It would be a good thing for her if that can be done, if facing reality can be called a good thing, and a service to the English language too.
Or else your friend might have simply described how she wants others to see her, in which case her English represents the authority of no one else.
Martha Barnette
Grant Barrett
Grant Barrett
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