Discussion Forum (Archived)
Guest
My latest column for the Malaysian Star appeared today. This one is about words associated with hazing, especially the kind of hazing that sends newbies to go look for things that don't exist: type lice, italic spaces, a left-handed monkey wrench, a left-handed hammer, buckets of steam, bags of electricity, wheelbarrow seed, and fifty feet of shoreline.
Grant,
I have to disagree with one of your "impossible" items. I have seen left-handed coffee cups. They have the graphic emblazoned on the other side.
And, I would like to add radiator hoses for old VW Beetles and Corvairs to your list of impossible items.
What is sometimes even more fun is to ask for something that sounds impossible but actually exists; go into a hardware store and ask for left-handed drill bits. They are a speciality item and their more proper name is reverse-twist drills. They are made for multi-drill heads on machining equipment and reduce the number of gears needed in the head. They also balance the torque in the work piece. In the next-to-last place I asked for some, the clerk was on-the-ball and replied that I must be trying to extract a broken bolt. I was and they really work better than E-Z-outs, which also have a left-handed twist.
Emmett
EmmettRedd said:
I have to disagree with one of your “impossible” items. I have seen left-handed coffee cups. They have the graphic emblazoned on the other side.
Well, yes, but the graphic doesn't prevent an other-hander from drinking from the cup, does it? I've seen right-handed musicians try to play left-handed guitars and it just doesn't work very well unless they learned it that way from the start (and there was one fellow who did).
A reader forwarded this poem by Seamus Heaney that pertains.
The Errand
"On you go now! Run, son, like the devil
And tell your mother to try
To find me a bubble for the spirit level
And a new knot for this tie."
But still he was glad, I know, when I stood my ground,
Putting it up to him
With a smile that trumped his smile and his fool's errand,
Waiting for the next move in the game.
Having done quite a bit of work with Boy Scouts, I've run into more than my share of these and created a few new ones myself.
A common one for us is to send a scout for a cup of propane.
My best original was the latrine plunger.
But, far and away, the wildest one was created by a young staffer at a camp we attended. He sent a group of 11-year-olds to ask the pool director (who was, of course a woman) for 50 feet of fallopian tubing!
BTW: speaking of latrines, the camp that we regularly attends uses the term "Kybo" rather than "outhouse" or any of the myriad euphemisms available. They claim that it is unique to that camp and (according to camp lore) derived from the expression "Keep Your Bowels Open" which I suspect is actually a backronym.
One that has not been mentioned is: sky hook.
However, science/engineering may supply one for us soon: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/sciencenow/3401/02.html or search for "space elevator".
Emmett
Interesting thread. I put myself through college in a large printing factory. The new employees and part-timers where often sent for paper stretchers when the web (paper threaded through the press) broke. The poor guy would be sent from press to press looking for the fictional device.
Also striped or polka dot ink where common spoofs. Lastly pink or blue dots, the small metal waste dots punched out of the printing press plate to align them on the press.
Since I was a part-timer and was moved around on different shifts and different presses, and I had older brothers that had worked there as well, I knew the tricks. So… when they sent me on the goose chase I took advantage and spent time visiting friends around the plant. In most cases the head pressman knew that I knew but was returning the gag on the guy who sent me on the goose chase, since he would have to do my job and his while I was gone.
So… when they sent me on the goose chase I took advantage and spent time visiting friends around the plant. In most cases the head pressman knew that I knew but was returning the gag on the guy who sent me on the goose chase, since he would have to do my job and his while I was gone.
LOL! On behalf of every one of us who's ever been on a snipe hunt, jrussell, I salute you!
I can add from Boy Scout days, the "left handed smoke shifter."
In lumber yards or wood shops, I've sent people for a "board stretcher."
The "left handed hammer" above is good. But don't ever be fooled by a "left" or "right handed hatchet." Many experienced users grind their blades with a different bevel on each side so they can split the wood off toward their strong hand and leave a smooth surface to the weak side. Using a hatchet which is ground the wrong way can lead to dangerous skipping of the blade.
Now, I'm wondering about using quote marks around phrases to indicate that they are phrases, but they are not actual quotes.
Great article. You mention the military toward the end, so you obviously realize how rife it is with this sort of thing.
Light infantry units like to send privates in search of things like "keys to the drop zone" while mechanized units will ask new soldiers to produce "exhaust samples" by holding a jar up to the exhaust of a tank or Bradley. One of my favorites was the "boom test" on tanks, in which a private is to stand outside the tank, at the business end of the gun tube, and yell "boom" as loudly as possible into the gun tube, ostensibly to cause breech block to return to the up position. This is impossible, so the NCO inside the tank simply tells the private to yell louder. Harmless fun.
One of the more dangerous tasks is to send a soldier to a platoon sergeant in search of a "pricky seven." As a platoon sergeant is generally a sergeant first class, his pay grade is E-7, and "pricky seven" then sounds rather like "prick E-7." The platoon sergeant then often lambast the poor soldier, if complicit in the hazing. If he's not in the mood for that sort of thing, however, he may choose to take his wrath out on both the soldier and the NCO who sent him. This can work with any pay grade, though, so some may choose to play it safe by sending the soldier to someone of relatively low rank or maybe shoot the moon and send them straight to the company first sergeant.
Now, I'm wondering about using quote marks around phrases to indicate that they are phrases, but they are not actual quotes.
I looked at a few style guides. It seems there are three options: italics, underlines, or quotes. I have always used quotes, but many style guides require italics, with underlines as an option when italics are not available. Your question has enlightened me. I plan to change my habit.
At Purdue, when a freshman asked for direction to, say, the Student Union, it was fun to send them to the "red brick building on the mall".
For those of you unfamiliar with Purdue, just about every building is made of red brick (Indiana has a lot of red clay) and is on one of several malls.
Ah, college days...
EmmettRedd said:
One that has not been mentioned is: sky hook.
However, science/engineering may supply one for us soon: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/sciencenow/3401/02.html or search for “space elevatorâ€.
Emmett
When I was a roofer (and afraid of heights) my brother would offer me a "sky hook" that I could hang onto, then I found out there were actual sky hooks...helicopters.
http://www.history.army.mil/books/Vietnam/Airmobility/p119.jpg
Martha Barnette
Grant Barrett
Grant Barrett
2 Guest(s)