In ‘Sweetie' and ‘Dear,' a Hurt for the Elderly. Professionals call it elderspeak, the sweetly belittling form of address that has always rankled older people: the doctor who talks to their child rather than to them about their health; the store clerk who assumes that an older person does not know how to work a computer, or needs to be addressed slowly or in a loud voice. Then there are those who address any elderly person as “dear.â€
I am 74 years old. Yesterday, I heard on the radio that an "elderly man" had backed his car into a police car that had stopped him. The elderly man was 72. What? 72? That's younger than I am.
I'm constantly surprised. I am an elderly man. I wasn't "yesterday" but I am today. AND I HATE IT. Not because my body is falling apart, not because I'm on "Life Row", (I call it "Life Row" rather than "Death Row" even though the death row inmates have a longer projected life than I do.) I HATE IT, because for the first time in my life I'm a living walking stereotype. People don't see me anymore, they see an old man. I was in a business meeting the other day and one of the young whippersnappers in the meeting turned to me and said, "What do seniors think?"
"What do seniors think?" Why are you asking me? I'm an individual, I have my own thoughts, I don't represent seniors and I don't know what "seniors" think. Yes, in fact, I do know what Seniors think. They think everything. They have their own opinions and some even differ from other seniors.
I told a black friend of mine that story and he almost fell off his chair laughing. He's been asked those kinds of questions all his life. What do blacks think? Now I'm being asked it and did I mention that "I HATE IT"
hmmm. I'm 63 years old and whenever someone refers to me as sweetie if there is fondness in their voice, I like it. I have a niece who replies to me often how much she LOVES it when I call her sweetie, which of course I do with fondness in my voice.
if someone bows to a queen but in a condescending ways says "Your Majesty" then I would think the queen would not like it
to me, it is not the word per se but the condescension lurking beneath the word that makes all the difference
Garry, it sounds like you already have the germ of a really good essay here. All good points. Let us know where you publish it, okay? 🙂
(I'm serious.)
>>>to me, it is not the word per se but the condescension lurking beneath the word that makes all the difference>>>
Agreed, Maggie, both in the case of this word and many others terms of address.